Just like everyone else, I am thinking about the year in review. Here are my thoughts for our family. Hubby has had a good year. His exercise research program has gone well. Though he hasn't lost a lot of weight, I can certainly tell he is healthier. He has more energy and seems perkier. He was also able to begin teaching college this year. This has been a dream of his for many, many years and it has been a good experience. Several people have begun reading Scripture in a new light because of his class. He has put up well with me and my "farmette"; building a fence, new goat pen, rabbit nests, etc. He attended his 20 year high school reunion, and looked great. Who was that gorgeous lady on his arm!? #1 has shot through the roof this year. Summer is normally the time for growth, but his has continued all year long. We will be going through clothes again this week to get out a new size. He played on a basketball team in the spring and enjoyed that. Now he looks forward to trying martial arts. The big news, though maybe not in his eyes, was winning the State Gold Award in 4-H for his nutrition project. He still loves books and stories, often making up his own. He was in a play in the spring too, starring as Jiminy Cricket on a talk show for fairy tale characters. He loves being on stage and had lots of practice giving speeches in geography and joining in the church talent show as a comedian. During our family vacation in the Smokies, he gave his first sermon at our family church time. He planned the entire service. #1 also got glasses this year, a sign to me of how old he is getting. #2 has finally grown as well. He is still petite, but getting some height on him in the last few months. This was the year for stitches- having 2 active boys would make you think we have had them before, but the boys must be graceful- he ran into a door jam at top speed. He also played basketball on a team this spring, but it wasn't what he had imagined. He spent most of the games talking to whomever he was supposed to be guarding or spinning in circles to get dizzy. He did enjoy himself though. He has dug holes in the yard, made potions with stuff in the ditch and driveway, played with bugs, climbed trees, tromped through muddy fields, and cradled his kitten. He is all boy on the outside, and all sweetness on the inside. He also gave speeches in geography, but much more enjoys being behind the scenes. I have had an interesting year. I have enjoyed being in a spiritual growth group with some women from church. It fills the void that I sometimes feel here, out of the Bible Belt. I have been busy with my little farm; unsuccessfully growing a garden, raising chickens, goats, and rabbits, seeing our first goat born, enjoying stars at night, I love it. Travel was a biggie this year. I especially enjoyed our trip to Philadelphia, NY, and Canada. Renewing friendships and sharing the experiences with my sons were priceless. The trip to DC in October only added to it. Getting a good bill of health from the doctor was a great relief- guess I don't have to go back for another 6 years!! Caring for the 3 extra children has been a blessing- the money as well as having the children. Homeschooling has been evolving with us and I seem to have hit my philosophical stride at last. Teaching in co-ops and helping lead 4-H give me an outlet for my creative juices. As far as resolutions...I made 2 for 2006. I was going to get up earlier and I was going to take life slower and quieter. Until about October I did well getting up earlier. I would wake at 6:10 and have my devotional time and then head out to the barn. The last couple of months have found me too tired to keep that up. Hubby wonders about the time change and I wonder about anemia, a suggestion from the doctor. So I bought some iron pills to try that and will also try to get to bed earlier so I can rise earlier; that will be my resolution again this year. As far as taking life slower and quieter: I have decided it is an issue of pride. I tried hard to limit my schedule, but it continually filled up. I think I want to make sure the children have as many oppportunities as more "elite" children and I also like having center stage. So I will again try to live a quiet life, reminding myself that it is better for my stress level as well as my secret sin of pride. 1 Thessalonians 4:11 "Make it your ambition to lead a quiet life, to mind your own business and to work with your hands..."

At 2:30 a.m. one of the kids' walkie talkie radioes went off, screaming loud static through the house. I don't know what set it off, but it was the end of my restful night's sleep. I spent a lot of the rest of the night in thought and prayer. Today is my baby's 8th birthday! The time has flown. In 8 years he has had 4 homes: PA, WV, TX, and NC. He was supposed to be born on December 18th, one day after his great-grandfather and namesake's birthday, so we had hoped for a day early delivery. Not only was he late, but he had to be forced to come out on the 30th; which worked out ok since it means he shares the birthday of my father and many other friends and relatives. (Happy birthday Dad, Aunt Shirley, Jimmy, Jane, and others. I also happen to know it was the conception of Ian, so happy conception to him!) Anyway, #2 has been late ever since! If we are going somewhere he is always the last in the van. He is the last in the shower, in line, to eat, to clean up, to finish schoolwork; you name it. That should not always be viewed in a negative light. He is courteous to let others go first, he never over eats, and he notices things in life that others don't take the time to notice. He will not have a stress-related disease. #2 was angry that we forced him to be born and loudly pouted about it for about 5-6 months. He was not cuddly or cute, had skin problems, and cried a lot. It was hard to learn to love him. But around 18 months, he turned into the most lovable child you will meet. He still gives out hugs all day long, and will gladly kiss his mother. (I think that is partly to annoy his brother who won't kiss me anymore, but I take what I can get!) He is kind toward all and just as generous. For his birthday this year he asked friends to give him cat and dog toys instead of presents. He is donating them to the animal shelter. He often puts his spending money in the collection at church, just because he wants to, and the Salvation Army Bells seemed to ring only for him at Christmas. He will share his toys, books, time, and love with equal enthusiasm to all. Sounds great I know, but he does have his foibles. He is reckless and thoughtless when it comes to safety. He has had stitches, been bitten by many things, played with snakes, hung himself, leaped off high perches, and other dangerous escapades I am sure I don't want to know about. The Good Lord has posted extra sentries to guard him. His attitude through his short life has been one of conviction. I would often tell him he couldn't do something and he would say, "Yes I can. Watch!" I had to explain that what I meant was he was not allowed to do the thing! I pray that he will always have the inner strength to persevere through life, continuing to be a generous and thoughtful soul. May God bless my 8 Year Old. ____________ Now I must move on with my day to prepare for 8 small guests for lunch and a Cat and Dog party; complete with a cat pinata!

Well, we got out some of the Christmas gift games yesterday and learned how to play them. The boys got one called Made for Trade, about trading and payment during Colonial Times. The other was a trivia game for US history and geography. I know it was made for 9 years and up, but some of those questions were very easy. I guess some were difficult too, though. We unpacked a lot yesterday, but have to finish up today. I like that the boys are getting more independent. I gave them a stack of things yesterday and said, "Find a home for it." They wanted to know what if there wasn't room, and I said then you have to get rid of something. They seemed to do pretty well with it. I mailed out Christmas letters yesterday. Before we left, I had the boys stuff them, address, and stamp them. Then we left them sitting in the floor, so they got mailed after Christmas. Millie did ok while we were gone. I got a friend's son to milk for us while we were gone, and he did a good job. I was surprised by his sisters who thought the idea of milking was disgusting. Anyway, Millie was a stomper to the poor boy, and she tried it with me yesterday, but settled down today. I just can't believe she is still letting Elvis nurse!! ___________ We found a sink hole in the yard yesterday as we were looking for eggs. It's not a good sign. We have our realtor looking for someone who can check on our water retention problem under the house, and I have a feeling this is part of it. Happy New Year.

We made it back last night about 11:15. It took a couple extra hours for traffic. Not traffic the whole way, but just a normal 45 minute stretch that turned into 2 1/2 hours!! When you are in the middle of that you wish you could tell where a better route is. Christmas with the family went well. There had been a mix-up about when we were leaving and so in order to accomodate some other schedules, we left the afternoon before we planned to leave. It made for a very stressful departure, and we were dragging when we got there, but it all turned out fine. This was the first year that Santa was very exciting to my children. Amazing, considering that they are nearly 8 and 10! They have never gotten up early or been so excited that they couldn't sleep; this year they were beside themselves. #1 rose at 6 a.m. certain that he had seen something going down the drive and saw some lights. The story progressed until it was that he actually saw Santa!! When asked what was the best present, #2 answered, "Just being with family." Hope your holiday was as good.

Having a restless night. So I got up and wrote our Christmas letter. I seem to be behind in my Christmas business this year! A friend is coming over Wednesday to spend the day helping me catch up. Maybe she can put address labels on the letters. I know some people don't like the yearly letters from friends, but I love them. I feel like I am visiting with an old friend when one comes in the mail. _________ I have been thinking about our church service Sunday. We didn't have a sermon, per se, but Matt spoke about Christ's death and resurrection focusing the whole service on the Eucharist. One part was a video clip of Jesus's life and scriptures that said how "amazed" everyone was by him. The people were amazed, the disciples were amazed, the leaders were amazed...Are you amazed? Yes, I am. I would never do what he did, I could never love like he loved, I could never be as patient as he was. He amazes me.

A friend and I took our children to Richmond on Friday to go to the science museum. It is 3-4 stories of hands-on science. We learned about crystals, space, optical illusions, the human body, bio-ethics, weather, watched trained rats play basketball, and our favorite... learned really gross facts about animals. We stayed all day long and had a wonderful time. I really enjoy getting to learn with my children. ___________ Hubby and I had a nice anniversary. We went to lunch, a movie, ran errands, and then went to a really nice dinner. The movie was Pursuit of Happyness. We both really enjoyed it. The women beside me were bawling, but I mostly just teared up. I didn't know it is based on a true story, so that was a surprise for me at the end. It certainly makes you realize how unstable life can be. I don't know what I would do without family. The movie had very little swearing, no sex or violence, and a great plot. I would recommend it to anyone. ___________ I started reading a book this weekend, Last Child in the Woods. I am underlining like a college student! It is about how missing out on nature can make you stressed and unfocused. Nearly every chapter has reminded me of my Dad. When my Mom would have a troubled student, my Dad would say, "If I could just have him here on the farm, I'm sure he could work it out." That was often said about my cousin, who lived in town and did things like shut down the a.c. unit on a pharmaceutical plant! I have also recalled the many times that I have said, "I love that my children are growing up like this; with animals, land, space, and freedom." Visiting my friend in Canada this summer has also jumped into my memory. They have a very large, green area near their house. There isn't much of a playground, but just lots of room to run, explore, climb trees, sled in the winter. There aren't many places like that in the US. The book says that is because there isn't any profit in it. Good 'ole commercialism. I am enjoying the book immensely, but that might be because it is agreeing with what I believe!!

This is dedicated to the one I love. What can happen in 17 years? You can move 7 times; 1 trailer, 3 apartments, 1 stay with parents, and 2 houses. 2 large cities, 2 large towns, one rural community. You can pay 7 schools for an education. You can have 15 jobs; some good, some bad, and some just pay the bills. Your country can be attacked several times, and you can be at war. The Economy can falter, improve, falter, improve... You can travel many places, Smokey Mountains, Grand Canyon, Mexico, Disney World, and so much more. You can have 2 children; 3 years of sleepless nights, 1 1/2 years of ear aches, several weeks of vomiting, 1 trip to the Urgent Care Clinic for stitches, and countless hours and days of laughter. You can grieve the loss of 6 grandparents, and rejoice at the birth of 2 nieces. You can make friends and lose friends. Sometimes, you have long-distance friends. You can hurt, laugh, cry, worry, wonder, and fall deeper in love. Happy Anniversary, Lover!

The weather has been changing and everyone seems to be getting ill in some way. #5 evidently has an ear infection, so he isn't coming today. #1 has an infected finger and is on antibiotics. Hubby has back spasms. I guess the stress of the holidays is getting to us. _______ I was watching out the window this morning as I always do during devotional time, and had the thought that windows were the first televisions. It is interesting to watch the animals, weather, seasons, neighbors...the volume is kind of low, but I like the quiet. A person called a few days ago to take a local radio survey. Her first question was do you listen to at least one hour of radio a week. My answer was no. "Are you sure? You don't think 5 minutes here, 10 minutes there adds up to an hour?" No was still my response. I like it quiet. I don't get much of it with all of the children around, but I do enjoy it.

Spent yesterday working on 4-H. That is why I planned to take December off of school. I learned last year that it requires a lot to finish everything up. So the afternoon was spent scrapbooking with 8 children. Then 3 kids came home home with us for dinner and a sleepover. As we drove along they were trying to impress each other. Remember it was 5 boys. They started talking about cars. Now my children don't know anything about cars and never pay any attention to them. All of a sudden #1 is an authority on cars. He starts dropping names like Integra, Supra, Oddyssey, and ends with, "Well, the Ferrarri is the best car." Another answers, "They're good, but the Lambourgini is really phat." (At this point I am wondering when my kids are going to ask about fat cars, but they skip over it.) "What's a Lambourgini?" asks #2. Another kids answers, "I think it's an old sheep."

Yesterday, #1 was working on a 4-H project and he had to describe what was similar and different among his friends. I don't think he knows that one comes from a divorced situation, and I didn't bring it up, but it was something I thought of. Out of 4 children, that was the only one from a divorce. Pretty good odds for today, I would say. My children don't ask much about divorce, and the only one they seem to have picked up on is Buster in the cartoon Arthur. Their friends come from intact homes, their extended families are intact, their church family has little divorce. My children are lucky. I had a very negative impression of divorce as a child. My father comes from a family of 13 and my mother from a family of 4. There are 2 divorces in my father's family and none in my mother's. The first in my father's was a situation of abuse. I wasn't told that as a child, just that Uncle Donnie wouldn't be around anymore. I don't know what was told to me, but I know when she remarried, I did not call the new husband "Uncle." The second divorce was when I was in high school and it was a lustful situation. I was not allowed to go near the "culprits" for quite a while, and still do not call her "Aunt." It isn't as much intentional now, as much as, she is my age and it would be strange. My parents split up for a while when I was just out of college. It was painful, made me angry, a time of confusion. And that was when I was an adult and married myself. I can not imagine what a child must go through in a divorce. May God bless all of our marriages with love and understanding.

Last week was the first week of our winter break from school. #2 didn't want to watch cartoons on Saturday, but asked to do school work! He said he had had enough vacation. I get that way too. I need some days to relax and not feel any demands, but then it is time to get back to work. We saw on 20/20 not long ago, a clip of rich kids and why they do or do not work. One of the guys, an Italian I believe, said he tried working but it wasn't fun. He is having too much fun partying and enjoying life. I can't imagine doing nothing but partying and vacationing. ____________ Everyone will be happy to hear that we have a Christmas tree up. The boys put it up with the babysitter on Saturday. We put it in the dining room this year, so maybe I will get to enjoy it. I have put it in the livingroom before and didn't really see the sense of having a tree. I rarely go in the livingroom and so I never saw it. I like our tree. It is about 4 feet tall and fake; nothing special really. Until you hear that it was my mother-in-law's tree when she was a little girl. The decorations are the originals. There is even one, on the tree now, that is from Czechoslavakia. That isn't even a country anymore! Our tree is a bit of family history.

Boy is it cold! I am loving the new heater. The electric bill wasn't as low as I had hoped, but the house is warmer than last year, and the electric was still lower than last year. All of the animals' water had frozen over and they were really thirsty. I broke open the tub of water and goats, chickens, and cats came running. ____________ Part of my discussion the other night with friends about shopping was my disdain for too many choices. I don't want to decide high rise, low rise, mid-rise, relaxed fit, boot cut, flared, stone washed, acid washed, pre-shrunk, button-fly.....I just want a pair of slacks! My friend said I should move to a Third World country. I told my husband and he said, "Good luck with that." I guess my shopping disorder isn't worth it to him to move! Feel the love. ____________ Nouwen has been giving me a new perspective on God. Part of The Return of the Prodigal Son is about the motherly, feminine side of God. That is definitely NOT something that has been taught to me in the past. I had heard about it, but nothing definite. What I enjoyed most recently was Nouwen's description of the father loving both sons the same at the return of the prodigal. He went out to meet the prodigal and he went out to ask the elder son to join them. Both sons loved the same, both favorites of the father. That was a hard concept for Nouwen to grasp, but as a mother it is an easy one. I love my children in different ways, but certainly they are both my favorites. I do not love one more than the other, and there is as much room in my heart for one as for the other. I would grieve for both children the same, I adore both the same, I equally care for them. When I put that concept into God's relationship with me and other people, then I see more clearly how He loves me. Sometimes others will have blessings that I don't, but God loves me the same. Sometimes, I will be punished when others are not, but God loves me just as much as them. When I hurt, God hurts for me; when I rejoice, God rejoices with me. He is my Father.

I hope yesterday's blog was taken in the manner in which it was intended. 2 Cor. 7 (Phillips's Translation) "For although my letter had hurt you, I don't regret it now. (as I did, I must confess, at one time) I can see that the letter did upset you, though only for a time, and now I am glad I sent it, not because I want to hurt you, but because it made you grieve for the things that were wrong. In other words, the result was to make you sorry as God would have had you sorry, and not merely to make you offended by what we said." My intention is not to beat a dead horse, but to make us aware of social justice. From time to time, I will continue to bring up this topic, so that God can work His way through it. Change comes slowly. ____________ I was telling some friends last night about my shopping hysteria. My husband asked if I willl have a social disorder by the time I am 40. The friends offered some advice, and also to take me shopping. I don't think I will take them up on the offer. ____________ We had a talent show at church on Sunday night. It was a fun family event. The boys told jokes, and #2 gave a cooking demonstration. Hubby and I read a script that we wrote called, Coastal Plains Companion. It was good to laugh after such a sad, hectic week.

If you join a group, knowing that you can only be a sub-section of the group, then discrimination is expected. If you join a group and are told that you can join in most things, but not all, then discrimination is still what you chose. But, if you join a group and are not told in what areas you may or may not participate, then discrimination is occuring to which you have not agreed. Of course, if you are not black, you do not notice when a black person is discriminated against. If you are not an Orthodox Jew neither will you notice when things are not "kosher" for them. Being aware of discrimination and doing nothing about it, is the same as being the discriminator. Isolationism is not a policy, but a cop-out. Eventually you will have to join the war, and you will have to make it known which side you are on.

A few days ago, Darkie got her horns caught in the fence. She was scared and angry and just jumped until she twisted out of the fence. It ripped off half of one of her horns, and it appears that I need to take it the rest of the way off. I am afraid that it is twisted so that it will grow into her head. I tried this morning to take it off, but was unable. I put her in the stanchion so I could keep her in one place, but she knew something was going to happen. She shook and trembled, bleated and screamed. I wasn't able to remove it, but did cause it to bleed more. I hate this part of farming. I hate that part of parenting. I don't want to cause pain, but I know some things are better for the pain. It is hard when they look at you with betrayal in their eyes. I thought you loved me. I thought you would protect me. How could you do this? I remember #1 looking at me that way when he was getting the third shot in a row. Big tears were rolling down his cheeks and he looked at me with disbelief. "I don't want another one," he pleaded. "I know. It will be over soon," I said as I tried not to cry with him. So much in life we don't understand. Sometimes I look to God with disbelief and a feeling of betrayal. I have to remind myself that he knows what is best and the pain will make it better.

The weather was cold and rainy for the funeral; very appropriate for a child's funeral. I didn't attend, but Hubby said it went well. The father couldn't be there and it is just tragic. We will be praying for his strength for a long time. His family was at church yesterday. ___________ Today is the first official day of winter break for us. I have to say I am as excited as the children. I am looking forward to cleaning the house really well. (I am so easy to excite!) I may have the kids put up the Christmas tree this week. Right now we are making paper airplanes and testing them. As a young girl picturing herself as a mother, I never thought about paper airplanes. Of course, I wanted daughters! ___________ I made cheese last week and sold it this weekend at a 4H bake sale. It sold well. Perhaps I have found a way to make these goats profitable! ___________ We finished up the university art class on Thursday and then went to Statesville to stay with a friend for the night. On Friday morning we left for Winston-Salem and the Old Salem Village. It is the first Moravian settlement in NC. It was very interesting to think about such a place of culture in the backwoods of NC 300 years ago! It was a communal type village, and I don't know that I would do well there. They sent their children to live at the school at age 6 and then they went to live in a house with other single people at age 13. The guide laughed at my comment about that, and went on to say how much do you think you see your children with computers, tvs, and gameboys. He was asking the wrong person!!! He did go on to explain that they came home every day for lunch, for a bit in the evening to help with chores, and if they were sick. The family houses were not built big enough to accomodate large families. That was part of the reason for sending out the children.