We had a discussion about Martin Luther King, Jr. and civil rights last evening. He was a very eloquent writer and speaker. He also seemed to have a lot of self-control. I noticed that his work took place during the time that the Black Panthers were also going about their business. They were at different extremes of the continuum though. It must have been so frustrating to feel like you not only have to fight against civil injustice, but you also have to fight against those who are fighting it in their own way. I have been reminded lately that a gentle word turns away wrath, but it doesn't seem to always work. The proverbs are situational ethics, not absolute truths. Our neighbor is mad at us for putting a drain across the road. I am trying to be calm and speak gently to him, but he just seems to think that I am not upset or doing anything about the problem. I guess I am a pacifist and he is a panther. -------- The new sliding door and the rest of the new windows come today. Soon we will have a brand new house!

I have been busy outside lately. We have a sidewalk in the front of our house, though it isn't needed and nobody uses it. It had become overgrown with grass. So I started digging it out and yesteday finished that. It looks much nicer now, though no one is still going to use it. Now if I could just get some mulch around the beds int he front it might look like a suburban home. The subdivision owners next to us are probably happy. Looks like the chickens are too. They are out there now scratching and pecking where I dug around the sidewalk. So maybe the subdivision people won't be happy. ___________ I found a nice house at the beach for us to use when hubby turns 40 in the fall. It has 5 bedrooms and we are staying a week. It sounds like family will be coming and going that week. My mother would have to take time off without pay for part of it, and my sister-in-law isn't sure about her daughter missing all of that time in school. But the four of us, and maybe the in-laws, will stay the whole week. It is definitely something to look forward to. I just hope no one gets sick like at our last family gathering. Monday was the first time I felt like myself again. That was more than a week later.

My men folk made it back safely on Friday. The boys had spent a week with their grandparents and hubby had gone to a seminar in Michigan. He stopped back in WV to pick up the boys and visit a while with his parents. We met at Cracker Barrel for dinner and then the boys rode home with me. They had me in stitches and never knew it. #1 was telling me about a lesson they had had in class at church about horrible truths. I asked for an example and he said smoking. The horrible truth is that it makes your breath stink and your teeth look bad. Once that happens, he continued, you can't find a good wife, so you settle for a bad tempered woman. She refuses to go to church with you and when you have children then they are bad tempered like their mother. The kids won't go to church either and then their kids won't, and before you know it all of those generations of people are bad tempered and don't go to church and it's all your fault. "Wow," remarked #2, "all of that from 1 cigarette?" "Well, something like that." Then they started playing with the whoopie cushion #2 bought at Cracker Barrel. #2, sitting behind #1, would make a fart noise and #1 would guess how he made it--whoopie cushion, mouth, arm pit-- then #1 says you didn't do anything. #2 laughs and says yes he did, "Silent, but deadly." Thank goodness we were nearly home by then! _____ While they were gone, the really pretty rooster turned mean on me. He would stalk me and attack. I kept Kelly with me when I fed so that she could keep after him. So yesterday we killed the rooster. #2 and I butchered him. It was such a shame; he was a beautiful bird. Then when I went to bed I started reading another of the books of Laura Ingalls Wilder's works. The editor was talking about how life has changed and that people just go to the store now for food. Then, if you wanted fried chicken, you killed the chicken, scalded it, plucked it, butchered it, etc. He spoke of the smell that goes along with that, and said people today have no idea about all of that. Well, not all people! ------- Today is Memorial Day. In my hometown there will be a big parade and school children will place flowers on graves in the National Cemetary. I was able to go to the celebration last year. Thank you, God, for a free country to live in. And thank you to all of the veterans who made it possible.

I moved here because God told us to. I enjoyed moving here for many reasons, but there are reasons that I moved here that I didn't know about when I moved here. Here are my top 10 reasons for moving here that I never knew ( not in any particular order). 1.Spring lasts a really long time here. The weather is nice, lots of things flower and bloom; it just looks pretty longer than what I am used to. 2.Strawberries grow great around here. I have picked fresh strawberries and made jam every spring now. I made jam yesterday and it is the best I have ever made. I am even picking strawberries out of my own garden this year. 3.Cucumbers do very well, too. 4.People look at you when you walk by- even in the face! And, they often say hi. 5.You can see the stars at night. 6.There is a wonderful home school support group. 7.There are NO cottonwood trees! 8.The university has a great after-school art program. Maybe I should just say the university in general. I have enjoyed many benefits from it. 9.Sunday in the Park is fabulous. Every Sunday evening in June and July people gather in the Town Commons for a concert. It is very Rockwellian. 10.It is the only place that I felt like was "home" right away. Thank you God for reasons I never knew.

I bought a series of books while we were on vacation. They are compiled writings of Laura Ingalls Wilder's magazine articles. She wrote for a few journals before she wrote her children's series. I read one while I was sick in bed last week, and I was surprised by how much the topics were things I still hear today. She spoke of taking care of the Earth and cleaning up litter, being a good friend, being a hard worker and honest, the busy-ness of life and how there just never seems to be enough time to get things done (even though there is just as much time to get things done as there was when you used to get things done), and that parents should be disciplining their children and not leaving it up to the state or the schools. I was really very surprised by how relevant and insightful her thoughts were. I plan to have my boys read the books when they get a little older. The problem is that I will have to black out the title: Writings for Young Women. There wasn't much that was only for young women in them, but I don't know if young men could get past the title.

It took a lot of traveling around town, but I finally got the pictures printed that I wanted for the kids' yearbook scrapbook of school. I finished making it last night and then had the awesome job of organizing all of my paraphernalia this morning. I was struck, yet again!, at how much my boys do in a year. They really are getting a very good education. Here is a sample: Geography co-op for a semester, ECU art for 2 semesters, 2 co-ops, 4-H (lots here), trip to PA, NY, Canada, DC, Old Salem, fire fighting clowns, dental health nurse visit, Blackbeard's visit, cooking and sewing lessons, Greek lessons, writing contests, the fair exhibits, Cultural Fair, plays attended, astronomy lecture, storyteller, and on and on it goes. They also read voraciously, have math, history, and science lessons, and now are starting piano. No wonder we are ready for summer vacation when it comes. Besides organizing this morning I also mowed most of the yard. I left a good bit around the pond area and some other higher grass in a section of the back. It is suppposed to be a wild area, but I don't want the neighbors too mad at me. I did see a lot of bees, so hopefully our little section of the world is helping their population.

I was talking with a friend yesterday who spoke of having small children. She feels that perhaps she didn't enjoy the young time as much as she would have if she would have had family nearby to help. She felt suffocated by the constant attention and clinging of the children. I said yes it helps a lot. We lived with family while the boys were very small, and having that extra attention and help was very good for all of us. But as for enjoying the stage at the time, I don't know how much has to do with family nearby. I feel like I missed a lot of the very young years because I was distracted by our situation; no job, living with family, feelings of depression. So even in the presence of family, you can still miss what you should notice. The answer is to be in the present and realize it doesn't last long. The future is only a day away and then this time is past.

Here I am. I have been a bit lost for a while, but I have returned. We had a nice holiday in the Smokies with family. This year we tried the Ripley's Aquarium. It was nice at the home school rate; I don't think we would have enjoyed it at the regular price. There is a moving walkway through a glass tunnel and the fish swim all around you. I was most amazed by the sawfish. I think that was the best for my 5 year old niece as well. We went to Cade's Cove, of course, and enjoyed a nice picnic and afternoon hiking and playing in the creek. We did manage to see a bear but it was quite distant. The show, The Miracle, that we purchased for the in-laws' Christmas present was good- the kids liked the live animals and the flying, battling angels- and we went to another dinner show where #2 got to be a participant in the show. He was the "understudy" for Paul Bunyan and he was to chop the bad guy. He did a great job- very funny. Then the stomach bug hit! Everyone from the other 2 families dropped like flies. My family stayed intact, and so we enjoyed a quiet lunch out at a nice little restaurant and took the kids gem mining. Later we played mini-golf under black lights and had a good time. The kids went back to WV with their grandparents, which turned out well because the stomach thing hit me on Friday during the ride home. By the time we got here, I was very sick. I was out of commission all day Saturday, and not much better on Sunday. I feel great now though. I hope hubby doesn't get it because he is in Michigan at a conference. It would be bad to get it there. On top of all of that, when we got back we discovered they had come to begin the french drain around the house and had cut the phone line. So we had no phone service and no internet. I went yesterday to check on the email at Panera and discovered I am the recipient of a grant. BUT the paperwork has to be notarized and in today! So I had to do some quick work and borrowed a friend's computer and DSL and printer and time and ... But we got it all in and I hope to hear soon about all of the details. I will keep you posted. So here I am with nearly a week to myself and finally the stress of everything is quieting. I plan to work on the boys' yearbook/scrapbook this week. Look out pocketbook- I haven't printed pictures in quite a while.

Last night lead to an interesting discussion about people who are targeted for church. We were reading a hymn by Charles Wesley and he wrote of harlots, thieves, murderers, and a hellish crew. We certainly don't sing of such things anymore, but we don't think that those people are expected to be interested in church or Christ. In looking at our congregation, it would seem that we aren't quite as hung up on only inviting the "clean" people. But, it makes for a lot of burden carrying, which is what family is supposed to do I guess. I also heard about some things that are being said at public school and I am glad my children are not being exposed to those things. I may be accused of sheltering my children, but what I shelter them from is not going to turn them into strange people. They are learning how to help society, not be a liability to society. Except of course for #2. Yesterday the boys went to feed and #1 came back in to say that #2 had his head caught in the fence. Dad went out to check and sure enough, he had put the goats in the pen and then stuck his head through the bars of the pen and got caught. Elvis was trying to eat his hair. Thank goodness he didn't butt #2 in the head. He is already disturbed enough without a goat head butt.

We are about 3 weeks into summer vacation and I can tell we need a change in routine. The kids are getting on each other's nerves. (Which in turn gets on my nerves.) Vacation next week can't come soon enough! I plan to fill out summer camp and day camp forms today. The boys have been using some of their free time to build bike ramps and jump off of them. I told Hubby it is better not to look out the window sometimes. I put them in God's hands. Although yesterday I did go off on them about being brainless. Perhaps they get that from their mother. I told my husband a week ago that his family drinks a lot and I do weed. Of course I was talking about being at a restaurant with his whole family and that the waiter just brings a pitcher of water for them. Then I was discussing my day and that I did weed the garden. Funny how context matters.

The boys went to pick out Mother's Day cards last night. Today #2 told me about one they had wanted to get. It had a daughter thanking the mother for teaching her how to cook. The mother said get some money, buy some fast food, put it in a dish, turn on the oven, and he will think you cooked it! This is certainly not the way I cook. When we were in WV last week, my mother forgot to buy some cookies that she was giving to someone for their birthday. #2 said, "You know what that means. Make them from scratch." Oh no it doesn't was my mother's reply! "Hard work has its own reward you know, Grandma," replied #2. What a hoot. I much prefer the taste of fresh food. Today we picked strawberries with the 4-H. A friend told me they won't be good for jam though, because we have had rain recently. I hope there are some good ones left after our vacation so I can have some real jam. ____ Boys have no brain. Today they were "playing" judo by actually kicking each other. Of course #4 got hurt. He actually had a footprint on his rib cage! Then they stood out in the rain talking to each other. It was not a gentle mist, but a downpour. I guess since boys have no brain is why they think with their pants when they get a little older. Can't wait for that stage!

I cleaned out the attic this weekend to prepare for the used curriculum sale this coming weekend. There are several nice things, that I feel a bit badly about getting rid of, but I know that we won't use them. They aren't things I will use, but they sure do look good. That little pack rat shows his head now and then. I am planning on reducing prices Saturday as the morning progresses. We are getting excited about our yearly trip to the Smokie Mountains. #2 has packed his (my) tape measure so that he can measure the fish they catch. Both boys are looking forward to buying Harry Potter candy at one of the stores...Bertie Botts All Flavor Jelly Beans, Cockroach Clusters, Ice Mice. Sounds great, huh? I made cookie dough yesterday and froze it. We will go swimming in the evening and then have warm cookies before bed. I spoke to my sis-in-law and her daughter is looking forward to painting herself like an indian in the creek. #2 did that last year at Cade's Cove. This year we will be trying the aquarium and a new show, The Miracle. Shopping is for everyone, book stores for our family, and clothing outlets for the others. But mostly we look forward to being together, watching the cousins play together, resting and relaxing. Can't wait.

Grief comes in different ways to different people. It seems to me that the longer it is prolonged the less intense it will be. A grandparent that lingers for a long time is easier to send on than one that is suddenly lost. And a goat that is watched over ends up being begged of God to take. Our friendliest goat, Buttercup, became ill on Thursday. I called in the Extension Agent to see what could be done. We looked on the internet, contacted people who may know, and decided she had Pregnancy Toxemia. Really there wasn't much that could be done, and what we did seemed to only delay the inevitable. She died yesterday morning. The whole family is stressed and depressed by it. Buttercup was #1's goat officially. He chose to ignore her plight and play with friends that came to visit, or even just to play by himself. I thought it was probably for the best because Buttercup was in a lot of pain and I didn't think the child needed to see that. But last night when it sunk into his brain that she was gone, he had a lot of guilt to deal with. He felt like he should have done something and not just play with his friends. The other issue is what to do with the body. If I were at home I would put it on the tractor and haul it over the hill. That isn't an option here. So I plan to contact the Animal Shelter and see if she can be cremated. #1 is NOT happy with this option, but I think we are going to have to take the lead and do it. If he is scarred for life, it will be my fault I suppose. He says he will dig the grave himself, but I know how long that would last. Being a parent is not always fun. ________________ An hour of hard work and sweat has Buttercup buried in the field. My father assured me that all I needed to cover her with is 12-18 inches of dirt, so I did away with the mother guilt by burying the goat. The other animals have been noticibly human in this ordeal. Darkie is #2's goat and she is the quiet, timid one. She always has to eat last and gets butted quite a bit, seemingly just for being alive. Darkie came to us at the same time Buttercup did, and Buttercup would sometimes look after Darkie. While Buttercup was lying in the pen dying, Darkie kept wanting in to check on her. She would lie down beside her or lie out by the gate to her pen as if she was guarding it. When I would check on Buttercup through the night, Darkie would look at me every time I left as if to say, "Aren't you going to do something?" It was as hard on her as any of us, I think. As I dug the hole today the other nannies mostly ignored me. Elvis had to be in the middle of everything, even falling in once! He seemed to be supervising. Then when I pulled Buttercup into the grave, all of the goats came to watch. I felt like I was at a funeral. After she was mostly covered, the nannies left. Elvis remained to see the job done. He peed on her grave a couple of times and that was that. Now that may not sound romantic to you, but that is how a billy attracts a nanny. I like to think he was kissing her good-bye.

1 John 3:18-22 Little children, let us love, not in word or speech, but in truth and action. And by this we will know that we are from the truth and we will reassure our hearts before him whenever our hearts condemn us; for God is greater than our hearts, and he knows everything. Beloved, if our hearts do not condemn us, we have boldness before God; and we receive from him whatever we ask, because we obey his commandments and do what pleases him. I read an excerpt from Adolfo Quezada that helped me understand this better. If you have a lot of guilt, and you don't allow yourself to accept God's forgiveness, then you don't allow God the freedom to work within you. When our hearts are free of guilt then we can go before God and enjoy the relationship of a father and child. Very simple it would seem, but many of us hold on to the guilt and don't allow our hearts to believe in true forgiveness. One of my friends wondered if this is why we have so many people with mental disorders now. They have allowed counselors to take the place of God and so they don't have true forgiveness. The guilt eats away at them until they have a mental disorder. Sounded like a good point to me. Not that a counselor isn't helpful, but it takes God to forgive deeply.

Summer is here for a few days. Cold front coming soon. WV was just getting into spring and in MD the red bud was just blooming. They must be a good 6 weeks behind us. Summer vacation has begun for us and so of course we are busy working. The yard and garden are starting to come together. The tool shed is nearly cleaned out and we will be making several trips to the garbage dump this week. Now there is just the barn, painting, attic, etc. I think the summer will be gone before I know it! ________ I watched a CNN clip while I was at my parents. It was about pornography. There was a group passing out booklets to people at a conference or some such thing. It was called Jesus Loves Pornography Stars. I was taken aback at first, but then I realized what they meant. Jesus hurts for their souls and wants them to come to him. He loves them. There was a minister from Michigan that is reaching out to those addicted to porn, and a rehab place in Kentucky that helps people who are addicted to it. The next clip I saw was the DC Madam. They said they got hold of her books and there were over 10,000 names! Though they claim it is sex free- just escort services, massage, etc.- I had to think that Jesus loves these men and women too. In a very sexualized country and culture, it is hard to turn to Jesus completely. That must be what it was like for the first century church. There is nothing new under the sun.