Another restless night and so I am trying to catch up on my personal things. I can't believe it has been a week since last I blogged! This is the last day of October and I have to say I am glad. It has been such a busy month; I am ready for a little slower schedule. Sunday was our church's Trunk or Treat. We always have fun with it, and the kids look forward to it, too. This year I was a wood elf and served the hot apple cider. Hubby was Jonah and our trunk was decorated as an underwater scene. The kids had to "fish" to get their candy. I have a feeling the winning trunk was the one decorated like a castle. The hosts were dressed as princesses. Jonah just couldn't compete with that when the little girls came around. Yesterday we took the 4-H club to Raleigh to the museums. They took a couple of classes at the science museum, and then after a lunch in the parking lot, we went to the history museum to see a special exhibit on The Lost Colony. We went in August to see the musical, so this was an interesting addition for us. The kids really enjoyed it, and I enjoyed seeing the original pictures drawn of the area. Then, I took my kids and a friend and her kids who were riding with us to the art museum. We have been studying the Rennaisance and I wanted the kids to see some real art from the era, not just internet and book pictures. They actually really enjoyed the art museum! So today the chore will be keeping the kids' minds on schoolwork. After so much fun recently and Halloween to look forward to, they will likely be day dreaming quite a bit. Halloween has become a fun tradition for us here. We go to a friend's house and eat, go out to T-o-T together, and then the kids all trade their candy. This year's feast has been planned by the children to complete a 4-H project book. Should be fun!

It is one of those wonderful mornings when you stay in bed and enjoy being cozy there. The rain fell this time on us! It seems to be dropping at different places around town. You may get a gully washer and a mile away they don't even get a sprinkle. But now it is our turn, and the pattering on the tin roof sounds so nice. For the first time all week I have slept through the night and I feel like doing it again. Perhaps a cup of tea and a warm biscuit would perk me up. I often forget to mention to people that we have ducks. They arrived this past summer from my uncle in CA, and they make so little noise and really don't require work, that I often forget about them. Except that they are very messy; their feathers fall out all over the place and they like to get in the watering tub and get it filthy. Anyway, they have finally reached adulthood and are laying eggs. I am leaving them out there in hopes that they will start to sit soon and give us a new meat source. We have about a dozen eggs so far. They usually lay 10-18 before they set, according to the internet sources. A friend let me borrow her butter churn- she wasn't using it, can you imagine that!- and I have been making butter from the cream I skim off the farmer's milk. The first time we did it, before I borrowed the churn, we shook the cream in a jar. That was hard work and mind numbing- your head shakes with it! So now we have fresh milk, butter, and buttermilk. I will have to try cheese soon.

Is there a difference between honesty and truth? Can I be honest and not quite truthful? If a woman asks me how I like her dress and my response is that's a great color on her- which it is- then have I been dishonest in neglecting to tell her that it is too tight on the hips? I was reading about honesty this morning to prepare for my discussion group tomorrow. The chapter was on honesty and describing how dishonest most Americans are. But I came up with some situations like the one I just described that I am unsure about. Yes, God has commanded us to be truthful in all we do and say, but is holding back to save someone's feelings ok? What if it is more than just a dress? What if it were about an action someone took, that now no longer matters, but might change the way you think of someone? For instance what if someone did something terrible, like sell drugs, but no longer is dealing. Would it be dishonest not to discuss that when you are meeting her parents? Is there some truth that is ok to hold back for just certain people? I am coming to the conclusion that honesty and truthfulness might be situational. But I don't want to tell my kids that just yet!

I awoke at 2:30 with my arm tingling asleep, and just couldn't get back to sleep. My mind started racing with all of the things I should do. Guilt hits me hard in the middle of the night. I start thinking of all of the people I should write or call, the projects that are incomplete, the deadlines that are looming...It all seems so dark in the middle of the night. So here I sit at the computer trying to finish up my work. I did manage to get the bills paid and some work-related issues taken care of. Now I am at the stage of questioning if I just stay up or try to get an hour of sleep in before the kids get up. The owls are hooting outside, looking for a last minute supper I suppose, and cars are starting to pass as commuters head to work. The windows are open at night now that the air is cooling down. I have had a dread lately of the world as I know it coming to an end. Actually I think it already has, I am just now noticing. I was talking with a friend yesterday about the news story that a middle school is now offering condoms and birth control pills, because their 11 year olds are having sex. That is so beyond me. I still played with dolls when I was 11!! I didn't know what sex was and if I had it would not have been something I wanted to experience. I don't think human children have mutated so much in the last 20-30 years that they now are sexually inclined at age 11. My sons have friends that age, granted who are homeschooled, and none of them seem aware that sex is anything other than a question on their testing sheets. If the topic is brought up their response is, "I don't want to know!" So somewhere our society has gone wrong. I am not blaming the public schools; it is just that there is where the public sends all of their kids, and kids will tell what they think and do. So those kids who don't want to know are now in the position of having to know. But what has happened to those who do know and want to know? Media- movies (even children's movies), tv, commercials, magazines, magazine covers in the check-out line, radio, music, billboards- have forced our children to see and hear what they never should have seen or heard. Children naturally imitate the older people around them. This is what they have seen and heard and now they are imitating- and our society is paying the price.

I asked God to come into our presence in a special way today at church. I had no idea that the service was to focus on the presence of God. The song leader asked us, "What would you say if I said God is here in our presence?" It seemed so silly to me, because of course God was there. He had been invited. Then while we were singing an old hymn, the words struck hard at me. "Though the darkness hide Thee..." I couldn't get past that. There is an older gentleman in our congregation that has a wife who is going blind, in fact has gone blind except for seeing light and dark. She was the one who was forced to my mind. It seemed imperative that I pray for her. That even though she may be in the darkness, God has not hidden Himself from her. I was so overcome I had to leave the room. It seemed that I was to pray for her and her husband. While I was praying with all of my being, it just didn't seem to be enough. "Everyone needs to pray," I kept thinking. So I wrote a note to one of the elders and asked him to pray for her. Perhaps God coming into our presence today was for the benefit of Betsy. To hear us beg of Him on her behalf may just be what she needed and what God was listening for. Whatever comes of it, I know God was there and listening. And I was worn out; wrestling in prayer, even for a short time, is exhausting.

Remember I was trying to get old tv shows for my kids? Well the first has arrived, Land of the Lost. It was on Saturday mornings in the 70s. Marshall (the dad), Will, and Holly are on an expedition when a violent earthquake takes them to another world. There are monkey people, mean dinosaurs, and alien type things called sleestak. I remember that it was kind of scary to me as a kid, so I told them I would watch it with them at the start to make sure it doesn't bother them. All they did in the first episode was make fun of me. "You thought this was scary? That looks like playdough!" Ok, the dinosaurs don't look so scary now because of what we are used to seeing at the movies. Then the second episode introduced the sleestak. Now they were jumping in their seats! But then I was the one who had a bad dream last night, so maybe I am just more cowardly than my kids. ------ The rain finally came yesterday and I think it is going to rain more today. We stood at the door and cheered for God- we need it so badly. Last night when I went to feed the frogs were croaking and singing like it was springtime. All of creation was rejoicing!

Our 4-H club went to the NC Zoo on Tuesday. It is a 3 hour drive for us and so we don't go often. We have had zoo memberships in other cities and loved going often, but here we have had to enjoy the whole day at the zoo and hope it lasts for a couple of years. We left the house at 7:30 and got back at 10:00 pm. It was 5 families with children ranging ages 2 to 15. The bear got about 10 feet away from us and I think he was begging for food. The giraffes were standing about 50 feet away eating from trees. And the monkeys, oh, we stayed there for a long time watching their antics. My favorite was when one walked up to another and gently took the other's arm. They looked like they were greeting each other and shaking hands, then suddenly the first one reached down and bit the other in the upper arm. Then off he ran and the other in full chase. They were just like children! Then I got home and hubby told me the fleas were back. He had gotten some stronger fogger this time, so yesterday we stayed out of the house the whole day and hopefully the buggers are gone for good. I think this was the first of the eggs hatching from earlier. It meant we packed up everything and had school at the library, ran errands, had outdoor recess with a friend, and then came home to air the house out for a while before we could come in. So I have had 2 days away from home and today I plan to stay right here!

A friend has a daughter that has moved to a commune. It looks on the website to be a christian commune, and really not much about it raised any concerns for me. In fact, I thought I would enjoy living there but my husband would go nuts. He needs alone time to function. I guess the part that bothered me is that we are to live in the world. It has the feel of a monastery or convent, but allowing families. People that see them living that way must just think, "Stay away from them. They are a cult or a bunch of loonies." I can't imagine that it has helped spread Christianity in their part of the world. -------- I have been paying a little attention to the plight of immigrants in our country. I recently heard a story about a high school senior that isn't a citizen. His parents brought him here illegally when he was 4 years old. Now he has been brought up in the USA, but can't partake as a citizen. Certainly at 4 years of age he had no say in the matter. He has a younger brother that was born here a couple of years ago. The brother will be afforded all of the privileges of citizenship; just doesn't seem fair. Then I heard another story about a man who came here illegally about 15 years ago. His 3 children were born here and all are citizens. He is afraid he will be sent back to Mexico if he is caught driving, but he doesn't want to lose his kids or take them back to Mexico with him. It certainly would be a difficult decision. I don't have an answer.

Recently I was speaking with a new friend and she made an odd comment to me. She was surprised that I am a Christian because I am kind of earthy, granola-crunchy. I told my sister-in-law about it while were on vacation and she was surprised. She is from the Mid-West and Christians there are commonly granola-crunchy people. The difference in the South is that being a Christian is traditional. They aren't often life-changing Christians. Christianity is just something they do, like changing your oil every 3,000 miles or going to Grandma's for Christmas. The first question you are asked in the South is for your name. The second question is where you attend church. It was just in a book I was reading about bread. There was an article on Southern Biscuits and the author was on a plane with other Alabamians who would ask each other where they go to church. I think that makes it extra difficult to attract people to Christ. It is assumed that if you name a church of attendance, then you must go there regularly and be in a "saved" condition. It doesn't so much matter that your speech is smattered with profanity, that you are living with your boyfriend, that you get drunk on the weekends; what matters is that you can answer the second question of the South, "So, where do you go to church?" My husband and I were walking on the beach and a woman stopped to chat with us. The first question was do you have a church. She didn't even bother to get our names. We didn't go into detail about my husband's pastoral position or his education, we didn't even get asked a thing about Christ. As long as we had a church she was happy. I wonder if it wouldn't be easier to be a Christian in the North, where being a Christian means something, even if it is distasteful to many.

Finally cooler weather has come to us. Thursday morning it was about 70 degrees and my children were sitting on the porch with their sweatshirts and sweaters. #2 even had a scarf wrapped around his head. They were contemplating whether or not it would snow! That is how hot it has been lately. ------- The flea situation is greatly improved. We still see a couple a day, but that is bearable. I keep thinking about the Middle Ages when people lived with animals. They had bedbugs, fleas, lice, flies, you name it, all living in their house with them. I do not think I would handle that very well. -------- Yesterday at co-op I spent most of the time with a friend who has a 2 1/2 year old. He wouldn't go to the nursery because he needed to be with his mother so badly. I don't think I would have the energy for that. My kids did that every now and then, but it never lasted more than a couple of days. It reminded me of the time we went to Nashville when the kids were 3 and 1 1/2. We were at a Christian conference and the kids were in child care. #2 was so excited when he saw #1 go to his room and all of the fun he was going to have. But when I took #2 to his class, I was quickly called back to pick him up. He was crying and very upset about being in there. That was so unlike him that I kept him with me the rest of the evening. That night, back at our room, I was telling him tomorrow you will go to your class. I remember I was changing his diaper and he said, "Big kids, please!?" It was his first semi-sentence. So the next day I asked the attendants if we could try it for a little bit and if it didn't work he could go back to the 0-2 years class. They let him stay in the older class and he did better than his big brother! He colored and did arts and crafts, played, listened to books, just had a great time. #1 did fine, but he just wanted to play with cars. Neither one of them cared if I was around after that. Sometimes that was disappointing, like when other people's kids cried for their moms and acted like they couldn't live without them and mine just headed on without even waving good-bye. But really it was such a relief that mine didn't need all of that extra attention and I could go do "Big People Things" now and then.

Well, as I washed all of the things yesterday in hopes of killing fleas and their eggs, the washer stopped working. It won't drain after the rinse cycle and then spin. So I took the water out bucket by bucket and tried again. Still it didn't work, so I drained it bucket by bucket again. Then Hubby and I went to work taking it apart. I had washed pillows and one came open so I thought stuffing might be trapped in it and stopping the drain. Our washer and dryer are in a tight space in the pantry, so I got the joy of climbing in behind them to figure out the problem. Spider webs, lint, and mouse droppings were not adding much to the "joy." There were two screws to get out of the back so that I could pull the hose out and try to drain it and look for fluff. It was dark and shadowy down there and I couldn't tell what type head screwdriver I needed. One screw worked with a Phillips head, but the other wouldn't work with anything. I told Hubby I thought it was a nut and so he handed me a "ratchet" to try and get it off. I kept turning the driver and he kept repeating to me, "It's a ratchet! It's a ratchet!" I at this point am hot and dizzy from standing on my head, and I guess I was beginning to melt down. "I don't know what that means." "It means you turn it." "I AM turning it." "No, you twist it." "I AM twisting it!" "Let me show you." So he proceeds to show me how to turn the screwdriver. It looked like what I had been doing, but he assured me it wasn't. It seems he didn't want me to take my hand off of the handle; it would go faster, he said. Well it seemed to go faster for me just turning and not having someone tell me over and over, "It's a ratchet!" So anyway, I got the screws out (One was filled in, that's why it didn't seem to be any type head.) and drained the washer and did not find a bit of fluff. So I got it put back together and tried it again after church last night. It will drain after the wash, but not after the rinse cycle. Now I have to drain it out again. Ugh. So today I have to call the handy man and see what he says. It is a two year old washer and should not have this problem! So that $50 dog is costing me more money again!! Sometimes I wish I had fleas and could just stay outside.

My second home as a married person was in an apartment complex. I was very vigilant as a new wife and housekeeper. My house was always clean; in fact my grandfather-in-law told me I vacuum too much. So imagine my horror when we started having cockroaches! The neighbors next to us were not at all good housekeepers and the roaches moved in. When the apartment owners would bomb the apartment next to us then all the roaches moved into our apartment. When we left there I said the most important thing in the next home would be no bugs. It has been an issue with me ever since. When I was growing up the only bug problem we had was spiders in the bathtub. I would have my mother look in the tub before I showered and problem solved. Other bug issues are not so easily solved. We bombed the house again yesterday, put Borax on everything, vacuumed, washed, mopped--you name it. I am still washing pillows. Then I have all of the dirty laundry to do, just in case the buggers moved into the hamper while we were bombing the place. So far I haven't had any complaints today, but it may be that everyone is afraid of my flying into a rage if they mention the "f" word---FLEAS!

I am trying hard to fight depression. I seem to be falling farther and farther behind and things are piling up. The house doesn't look a thing like the house I left a week or so ago. I have pulled things apart, while at the same time trying to continue with regular life, and I just can't keep up. I wouldn't be in such despair, except that everyone keeps finding fleas. #2 has bites all over him. I just want to leave or burn down the house or shoot the dog; I don't know. The heat isn't helping things either. I don't want to close up the house and turn on the ac because there is so much poison in the house right now, but it is getting unbearably hot in here. And all of this in the middle of OCTOBER!

I am back after a lovely vacation. We went to the beach for a week to celebrate Hubby's 40th birthday with his family and my parents. My parents were only able to stay a few days, but the rest of us were able to be there the whole week. The weather was great for the first week of October, though I hear it will be even better this week. Wish we could have stayed longer. The wind was a bit high the first few days, so a trip to an island had to be delayed until after my parents left; too bad. We visited a fort that we enjoy, the aquarium, and an island that has wild ponies and is uninhabited by humans. Of course there was just playing at the beach and later seeing sharks in the water we had swam in! Being with our family made it even better. Those cousins love to be with each other! I cleaned the whole house before we left so that I could return, unpack, and be ready to get back into the routine. When we got back, however, the house was full of fleas! So right away we had to bomb the house and leave. Then it was an evening of cleaning and washing and scrubbing the house and dog. We are still dealing with some fleas, but it is much better than it was. A dear, sweet friend told me last night that the eggs will hatch in 2 weeks and I will have to do it again. The dog is fast becoming a disagreeable trial in my life. She is now relegated to the sunroom and outdoors only. If she ends up at the neighbor's house then we will have to get rid of her. ---------- Speaking of great beach weather in October...When my parents got back to WV, my dad had to feed the cows hay, because it is so hot and dry there that the grass hasn't grown enough to feed them. My dad said he believes the environment is changing, because the last several years have been very different than when he was younger. Things better change fast around this world or we are all in trouble.