Worse Than Death

The weather is acting very prophetic lately; we just never know what to expect! Today is supposed to be 81 degrees and tomorrow 54 degrees. I thought I would hang out laundry, since it is laundry day, but there is also a 50% chance of rain. I don't think I will chance it. Today is my aunt's funeral. She has been suffering for many months, about six, with what seems to have been an attack on her body by some virus. No one ever seems to know what exactly happened. But after all of her suffering, she decided to be taken off of life support, and she passed away on Thursday morning. I think that is the decision I would have made. The doctors assured her they could make her comfortable and the going would be fairly easy. There are so many things worse than death. If the choice is to hang around here, not able to enjoy being with the ones you love, then I absolutely believe it would be better to go hang out with the one who loves me more than I can love. The sadness I feel, I think, is due to the loss of the first of my aunts/uncles. My father and mother's families have always been a big part of my life. We are very family oriented. My father is one of 13 siblings, and I know and love all of them. I know I am 41, but today the knowledge that my childhood is over has hit me full-force. Good bye Aunt Martha. Until we meet again.

Enough Is Enough

#2 seems to have improved. He hasn't thrown up since Thursday afternoon. He didn't eat much yesterday, and would get weak if he was up and about too much, but overall he seemed improved. He had been invited earlier to a sleepover for last night. I let him go over until about 11:00, and then we picked him up. It was a good decision. He slept well last night and today looks good. It's been a rough couple of weeks around here. We have had FIVE deaths that have touched us in some way. Also Hubby's dad was in the hospital for knee replacement, though he is out now and doing well. Yesterday we received two notices from the bank that our account was overdrawn by a large sum of money, and Hubby had to go correct the bank since it wasn't overdrawn. While he was gone I was making dinner for the shelter and received a phone call from a church member that her house had burned that day. Then there has been the running around with errands, field trips, youth rally, etc. Cumulative records were due this week for #1. He summed up the last three years of his life for two different projects, and it looks really good. I taught school, tried to hold the house together, and sold chickens. I'll tell that story later. All in all, it has been a crazy couple of weeks. I have a long list of things to get done today, but it feels like a decent list, which is nice after the previous scattered, frazzled, upsetting frenzy.

Late Night Vigil

It's getting close to midnight, so why am I writing a blog entry? Because I am waiting on #2 to toss his cookies one more time. Yesterday morning he woke up not feeling quite right. He wanted to go on the Envirothon trip, so I guess he psyched himself up. I gave him some Pepto-Bismal to settle his tummy, and a little while later he was showering and getting ready. He said it was probably nerves. While we were in the first session- the really cool Wildlife session- he asked if he could just sit down and rest. I knew he wasn't feeling well then. So before heading to the not-quite-as-thrilling Soils session, I stopped at a drug store and purchased Tums and Gingerale. He took 10 Tums. I didn't know until too late. Today he was "off his feed", but didn't complain much. He managed to play with his buddy and with the extra kids, so I thought he must not be too bad. So I made him go to church because he had played all afternoon, right? Big Mistake! On the way there he says, "I feel like I'm going to throw up. (short pause) Like right now." And he did...over and over again. Hubby and #1 started walking to church while someone drove to meet and pick them up. I turned around and took #2 home to a shower. I cleaned the car, threw laundry in the washer, tucked him in on the couch, and headed back to church. About 9:00 this evening, he finally started upchucking everything. He can't keep down even ice chips. It's going to be a long night.

More Dog

Remember Death of a Dog last week? One friend told me she laughed until she cried. It wasn't the reaction I was expecting. Well, enter the dog again. While I was in Gatlinburg she was naughty. Hubby was in charge of taking care of her, and she dissed him. Yep. He let her out to go do her business, and she took off. He yelled for her, she turned, looked at him, and went right on to do what she wanted...visit the new neighborhood. Another time he let her out and she headed to the woods. Again, she would not return when he called. So one night while we were gone, she slept outside all night. It was her own fault, but it could have been disastrous for us. So when I got back Sunday it was like a party. She jumped on me, followed me, kept her eye on me wherever I went. Yesterday I was doing laundry and whatever room I was in, so was she. You would never think that I ask her daily to die. She comes when I call, goes when I send, and obeys as best she can. I think I am the Alpha Dog. So while I was in TN sitting on a bench in downtown Gatlinburg, a strange sight approached me. A man was carrying a small dog in a pouch attached to the front of him. It was like one of those front baby carriers. The dog was just looking around and hanging out. BUT, then behind the man came a woman. She was pushing a full-sized stroller. In the stroller? Another small dog dressed in jeans and a football jersey. It was standing in the stroller looking all around. I'm glad Kelly wasn't there to see that.

Road Trip to Gatlinburg

I went to Gatlinburg as a chaperone for a youth rally this past weekend. That means I drove all day Friday, sat through a long session once we got there, stayed up late waiting for pizza, and then managed to sleep only 4 hours because of loud traffic and kids (not the ones I was with) running around. Saturday was spent in sessions, but we did have some free time in the afternoon. It was another late night, and then a very early morning on Sunday. The long drive home ended with my falling asleep on the couch and then dragging myself to bed at 9:00. My M-I-L says this is what keeps me young. I must be really young! During my time in Gburg I saw some strange sights. I think I will just give you a few now and then to keep you laughing. One of the first was a man dressed up as Captain Jack Sparrow. That actually isn't too strange considering that there are tourist attractions like Ripley's in town. The strange part was that a woman on the sidewalk started gasping and stuttering, "Are, are, are you Johnny Depp?" One of the kids heard her too and it was all we could do not to fall over laughing! ---------- Tomorrow I am back on the road again. The Envirothon team is heading to Raleigh for some training sessions: Wildlife and Soils. I bet I see some strange sights tomorrow too!

Mum

To My Favorite Auntie...Mums the word! Now what is your boss's phone number?!

Look for a new post tomorrow. Love you!

Death of a Dog

My dog and I have a curious relationship. First of all, she was supposed to be a gerbil. Gerbils are small, easy to care for, don't have to be let out to do their business, and die after a couple of years. However, gerbils also escape and eat through your refrigerator wiring, and dogs don't. We have had the dog for 9 years now. She has been an expense from the beginning. We had to build a fence around the yard to keep her penned. She needed shots and vet visits. When we vacationed she had to be watched, which meant paying a sitter. Because of her naughtiness running through wet cement in the new subdivision, not once but twice in the same day, she is now an indoor dog. She lies in the doorways and refuses to move when I walk through. She wanders through the house at night and wakes me. Most irritatingly, she drops dog hair all over the house and causes me extra work. I ask the dog nearly every day to die. Not in a mean way. I don't yell at her or beat her. I just suggest that this would be a nice day to die. She often looks away from me when I make that suggestion. She also shadows me around the house wanting to know what I am doing. She begs for my company, longs for my approval, and tries to please me. I laugh at her behavior, pat her head, and tell her that I love her. But I still ask her to die. Her death is the only way I can get rid of her dog hair, her jaunts to the neighbors' trash, her 3 A.M. wakings. Death is the only solution for her naughtiness. I think the dog is here to remind me of myself. I try so hard to please my Master, but He asks me daily to die. And I look away. I dig through the neighbors' trash, drop some hair on the polished floor of His Mansion, and refuse to move from my ruinous rut. I shadow Him as best I can, lie in His doorway, listen for His voice in the night. I beg for pats on the head, a look of love in His eyes, but I can't leave behind the dogginess of my life. I am a dog, and nothing I do can change that. But each day I die a little more, and each day I come closer to living.

Happy Valentine's Day

I had my feelings hurt this morning. I don't often get my feelings hurt, so it quite took me by surprise. I was looking through my jewelry box and came upon a special necklace. My husband asked me what I was doing and I said, "Looking at a necklace that I'm not supposed to have." Of course that intrigued him, and he asked to see it. "Where did you get it? And why aren't you supposed to have it?" "Are you serious?" Tears came to my eyes. He seemed perplexed by my response. "What?" "You really don't know where I got this necklace?" "No." Then the tears began to roll. I laughed at myself for being so silly, but it did hurt my feelings. You see, he gave me that necklace on our wedding day. We had agreed not to give each other presents, but he broke the agreement and gave me a gold necklace with a pearl and 3 small diamonds inlaid. After I reminded him it was a wedding present, he remembered giving it to me in his bedroom while I sat on his lap. We had just changed into our travelling clothes and were getting ready to head to the honeymoon. I'm glad he remembered. ---- We don't give many presents. Money is a factor to be sure, but mostly it is because I don't really want for much. He tried for years to give me things, but I didn't get as excited as he hoped, so he stopped. Now he watches and listens more carefully and is very intentional about the presents he gives me. I'm sure a lot of women wouldn't think of them as nice presents, but they are something I really want and Hubby has made a special effort to get them, so to me they are nice. For instance, for Christmas he gave me butchering knives because I need good knives for the chickens. Last week I received a food dehydrator because they didn't have any in the stores. I was going to use a gift card from my aunt to get it, but I couldn't. So Hubby took it upon himself to research the best ones and order it for me. It was a nice surprise. That is when presents mean something to me. When I know that Hubby has tried hard to please me and thought about what I really need and desire, and then has made a special effort. I listened to some women talking recently. They were discussing how to get their husbands to take them out and get them things. I was stunned. "What's wrong with your husbands? My husband would drop whatever he was doing if I told him I wanted to go out. It wouldn't matter if he were in the middle of something important or just really tired. My husband wants to be with me." They told me not their husbands. For our 20th wedding anniversary I had my wedding band and engagement rings resized. It seems the rest of me had resized on its own, and the rings didn't. But after a while the engagement ring broke from being so thin, and the wedding band cut me because it is thin too. So what did I get for Valentine's Day? A new wedding band. Now how could my feelings be hurt any longer? I love that man.

It's a Beautiful Morning

Spring is on the way for sure. Dog hair is falling everywhere. I washed the dog yesterday because she was very smelly and because the day was pleasant. I brushed her before washing, during washing, and again after washing. This morning when I walked into "her room" what was all over the floor? Hair! So who needs a groundhog? We have a dog. Can't wait for spring! ---- On a sad note, evidently picking up the dog for a bath was a bad idea. I didn't feel anything at the time, but this morning I am really hurting. I didn't go to the chiro on Thursday because they were expecting a big snow and cancelled all appointments. That meant I only went once last week. I really thought I was ready for once a week, but alas I sit here in pain. ---- Yesterday was a productive day. I love productive days. My boys aren't as fond of them. Perhaps they will both disappear into another galaxy far, far away.

Weekends, Dehydrating, and Snow

Last weekend was jam packed with activity. We had a church consultant visit, which meant meals at the church and lots of meetings. Then #1 and I also had to work at the university basketball game, and of course there was a Superbowl party and Chili Cook-Off. Sadly the Steelers didn't win, but I did. I made some very good meat only chili. Normally I bring some chili home after the contest, but it was all gone before I even got a bowl of it! Next weekend I will be chaperoning a youth rally/trip. We leave Friday and get back Sunday. So as you can see last weekend and next are shot. Guess what that means? Yep. I am home this weekend working like a beaver! We have several 4H things to complete, schoolwork that needs finishing up, and a house that is begging to be cleaned. There is a Ladies' Breakfast today, but I am forcing myself to stay home and work instead. ------------- I had to rearrange some things yesterday due to extenuating circumstances, but it gave me a little free time to try out my new food dehydrator. I tried apples and pears, and we love it! I used the food slicer the first time and it made the pieces so thin that after they were dehydrated they were like the apple chips you can buy. #1 was mad at me for it because he got so addicted to them he kept coming downstairs to get more. The second time I sliced the fruit instead of using the processor and it worked pretty well. I think I may have dehydrated them too long, but they are still yummy and not as crisp as the first batch. ------------ The classes we are having this year as a group are going well. I think one of the things the kids like most is that it lets them have some common cultural experiences, like packing a lunch for school. Another that they were really hoping to experience was a snow day, but alas the snow wasn't as cooperative as it could have been. We did have a delay Thursday, but by 11:00 a.m. it was melted. I do what I can, but supplying the snow is up to God, and I guess He thought school was more important this week!

Home Again

I welcomed my son back home today. He was in outer space the last couple of weeks. I tried speaking to some other moms of 13-14 year old boys, and I have been relieved to hear that disappearances into other galaxies are common. The bad part is that the school doesn't enter other galaxies, so the bad grades during these disappearances are just part and parcel of the disturbance. He has been back for a few days now, but I was waiting to make sure it was more than a stop-over before I said anything to him. He seemed confused by my remarks but happy to hear it. The bad thing is that I was told boys go through this at 14 and again at 16, though not as mightily. That means I will have 2 in this stage at the same time!! Hopefully it won't last long.

I Am A Garbage Can

I have been married for 21 years. We use the same garbage can that I bought when we moved into our first home. I was cleaning the kitchen cupboards the other day and noticed that the garbage can needed washing on the outside. Food and other debris had dripped along the sides, dirt and dog hair clung to the edges, and crusty things from long ago had adhered to the plastic. As I washed the outside of the garbage can I thought about how this represents me. The can is doing its job, but it is getting banged and bunged with every toss of the trash. It is still in working order, though the lid was lost years ago and the color is a few shades different than when I bought it. I too am doing my job, but at times I feel banged, bunged, lost, and discolored. I need to take the time to wash me off, renew my mission, and put me back in place. Our spiritual assignment this week is to slow down. Let others go in front of us in line, take the long way to work, notice the (frozen) roses along the path. For me that means reflecting on how I am like a 21 year old garbage can: Useful and in working order even if there are a few knicks in my side. I just need to take the time to wash off a bit.

Where Does the Time Go?

What a long weekend I had. I can't believe it is Tuesday already. The time has been so filled that I somehow missed a day. The most important event, to some anyway, was the birth of 10 TEN! goats in four days!! We had our first set of quads this go-round. Mary, the extremely fertile goat of the bunch, was the poor mother who had to manage that. She had triplets the very first time she kidded, so it was no surprise that she was the one who would manage quads, but she never showed signs of being ready. Hubby just went out Thursday afternoon to walk the dog and he heard the cries in the back of the barn. There they were: four precious babes. The sad news is that three have died. I imagine it was due to too much inbreeding- and I will be selling these bucks at the stock sale as soon as they are mature!- but one has survived and is doing fine. So that was Thursday. Friday evening I went out to feed and could tell Madison was in labor. I went back out in less than an hour and Maddie had had a singleton, a sweet black and brown billy. But Faye had also had triplets! Yes, in less than an hour, Faye went into labor, birthed triplets, and cleaned them up. By the time I got out there they were up and dry! What a woman!! Sometime Saturday night Emma had twins, and now all of the kidding is done. Phew! So we had 10 kids in 4 days and now have 7 that are lively and playful. And that is where the time goes.

Achievement Night

This was Achievement Night in our County 4H Program. The one above on the left is #1 and the one on the right is one of my Envirothoners who just joined our 4H club. #1 was inducted as Vice President of the County Council tonight. The other boy was inducted last month as our club Vice President. They look very official, huh?

These are the new County Council Officers. Three of them are from our club. From far left is the Reporter (who just finished serving as Secretary), Vice President, President, and then the new Secretary (who served last year as Reporter) is not from our club. These are some of our club members before the banquet began. They still look energetic and happy at this point, that's how I know it was BEFORE the banquet.

These are our three officers, and they are best friends too. They remind me of Three's Company: Chrissy, Jack, and Janet. Heaven help us!

And these are the three best looking guys I have seen in my life. I am very lucky!

Perspective

A cow grazing in a field looks around and sees one option: this field bounded on four sides by an electric wire. If the weather is good, the grass grows well and so does the cow. But if it is a bad year, the cow feels the pain of the field. A bird sitting on an electric wire that crosses above the field looks down and sees two options: north of the wire and south of the wire. The bird carefully chooses which side has the better weeds and seeds and flies down to the southern side to gorge on some grass seed. A caterpillar crawling through the same field looks around and sees an endless array of opportunities. She can nibble the milkweed, the long slender grass stalks, or the pokeberry bush in the corner. Her whole life will be spent in this field, and she still won't explore all of its possibilities. A rabbit chased by the neighbor dog scurries into the field looking for safety near the horned cow. The rabbit slows to chew on clover flowers and then takes off again for a patch of lettuce an acre away. He isn't deterred by the boundary marker of the fence or electric wires. His field has no boundaries. When speaking of perspective, usually losing perspective, we often say, "He can't see the forest for the trees." This of course means that he can't see the bigger picture of what is going on, but is struggling to get through each emergency or event as it presents itself. But what if he chooses to look at each "tree" as an opportunity, a delight, instead of an obstacle? Then suddenly the forest no longer needs to be seen, because each tree offers a beautiful palette of possibilities. Are you a bird or a cow with limited sight or are you a caterpillar or a rabbit with endless enchantments?