Four Days

This was testing week and a very busy, tiring time for me. I did, however, make mental notes of what I was thankful for each day. Hope you have a great weekend.

Wednesday
After testing today I took #2 to the park. #1 had to go to an SGA meeting, so we dropped #2 off at the park, I spent 45 minutes teaching my private student, and then I returned to the park to gather up #2. Instead, I stayed for two more hours. The kids played kickball and hiked the wooded trail. It was so sweet to sit with friends and chat at the park. I haven't done that, literally, in years.
We talked about books, marriage, curricula, teenagers, and who knows what else. It was an unexpected, relaxing treat. Thank you, God, for days at the park.

Thursday
Since yesterday at the park was so nice I thought we would try it again. My thankfulness took an unexpected twist. The moms were a different bunch this day. Most of them are my age, and they have young kids, preschoolers. As they tried to visit with each other they would have to run over to the playground to help a child with the ladder or to push on the swing. I was thankful that those days are over. It would be fun for a day, but I don't want to live it all the time.

Friday
Standing in the hallway between the bedroom and the kitchen, I heard a thud. It was the thud you dread, of a bird flying into the window. Hubby, reading in bed, looked at me and I at him. He looked out the window and, sure enough, there was a female cardinal lying in the grass. We were fairly certain she blinked, so I went out to have a look. As I appraoched the tiny bird, she sat up but didn't fly away. I picked her up and let the boys look at her through the window.
She was absolutley beautiful. Brown feathers down the back of her neck looked like fur, and a crown of fine, reddish-orange feathers graced her head. She was panting with fear. I took her over to a bush to put her on a limb. The poor thing fell right off and hit the ground. I gingerly picked her up again and placed her in a different bush with more support.
Later in the afternoon, I went out front to check on her. She was still sitting right where I left her. As I approached from the porch, she looked at me and then took flight. She flew across the road and landed in the holly tree. It wasn't much of a flight, but at least I knew that she was going to be ok.
I thanked God that the little bird had healed and was going to be fine. Then I thought about it some more.
Sometimes I run into a window in my life. Everything looks good, safe, amicable, and then THUD. I am dumbstruck by life. Fear overtakes me, and I lie still hoping no one notices. My Father places me in a bush to rest and recover; sometimes the bush is large and safe and sometimes it is just a temporary breathing spot. But He offers me safety and support for as long as I need it, and the next time that danger unexpectedly approaches, I am ready for flight.
So instead of just being thankful that God watches over the birds of the air, I ended yesterday being thankful that my Lord watches over me. He guides, teaches, and protects me, so that I can continue to serve him no matter what happens.

Saturday
The boys participated in a Relay for Life event last night. They went with the youth group to support a woman from our church who was diagnosed with cancer this past year. The idea was for them to spend the entire night at the event, through noon today. But at 4:13 A.M. my phone rang. It took me a while to rummage through my pants pocket and find the phone, but then I called back.
"You tried calling?"
"Yeah. Everyone is tired, so we are coming home. You need to unlock the door for us."
The youth minister packed them up and brought them home at that awful hour of the night/morning. And I was thankful for J. He faithfully teaches my kids to be servants of Christ, to read the Word and study for themselves, to have Christ in themselves and to be Christ to others. Thank you God for J. and all of those who are helping to show my children what You look like.

Testing

Today we began testing; that three day period of coloring in bubbles, eating great snacks, and seeing old friends. Testing is a wonderful experience with the homeschoolers. Perhaps schools just don't do it right. Our students' teachers are not paid according to how their students perform, nor is our school money allocated according to test results. So, really, there is very little stress on the kids and the teachers.
I am proctoring high school this year. That means today I graded papers and knitted. Tomorrow I think I will do some planning for next year and make a grocery list. I usually have to proctor the little kids since I used to teach Kindergarten. That means reading the test to them and giving constant supervision. High school is a special treat!
So what do you suppose I am thankful for today? You got it! Testing!

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I realize I haven't posted in a couple of days. I have been worn out. Sunday I was thankful for time to be with my church family. I really do love those people. But I was also thankful for the opportunity to celebrate resurrection. We have had so much death around here lately that it was nice to be reminded of life that never ends.
Monday I was thankful for such a great group of people who help me with my homeschool walk. I have great friends and companions who commiserate, encourage, and relate. I also love that the boys have great friends who are good influences on them. I really do love all of those kids.

Rough

Preacherman gave us this assignemnt two weeks ago, the day after my dog died. "Keep a daily journal of gratitude to God. Write down what you are thankful for each day."
Could he possibly have chosen a worse time?! The day after our dog of ten years was killed in front of my very eyes? Then a goat died. Then we had to pay taxes. Then the house had to be repaired. Money had to be found. And today? My chickens were attacked while I was out of town, not sure what did it, but I lost all but 2 of the chicks and even lost 2 adult chickens. Then I spoke with my M-I-L to check on Grandma, and she is not doing well. She will be moved to a nursing home in the next day or so.
So what could I possibly find to be thankful for?
I took my two Envirothon teams to competition this weekend, and I was able to spend some time with an "aquaintance friend". You know, the kind you can have a lovely conversation with, but she doesn't know all of your troubles. It was so nice to talk to someone about nothing, and to have some time when I wasn't dwelling on the sadness and loss.
I finished reading Our Town while I was waiting on the kids to compete today. The overall theme is that this world is soooo temporary. That the eternal is what is important. That we need to slow down, forget our troubles, and really see the people in front of us. I needed to hear that.
So I am thankful for casual friends and timely morals.

Trying Hard

Yesterday was rough. We didn't feel like the job under the house was what we expected and then we came upon two more issues under there. So being thankful was hard. I think I ended up being thankful that it wasn't worse.
Today I take the kids to Envirothon. For this I am thankful, an opportunity for the kids to compete with other kids. Homeschooling has become so much easier and inclusive in the last ten years, and I am glad that this is when I came into it. I am thankful for those who came before me and prepared the way for home schooling to be a viable option in educating my children.

Minutiae?

Some days the thankful list is quite easy. The events of the day make it easy to see what big thing I am grateful for; today isn't one of those days. Today I am grateful for the tiny things in life. Thank you God for my health, the baby chicks that run all over chasing imaginary insects, my children snuggled on the couches while I read to them, and a husband who likes to kiss me even after 23 years. Thank you for a mother-in-law who takes care of her mother and tells me the funny stories of that responsibility. Thank you for the CPA friend who was finally able to come back to church this evening. Thank you for another friend who found a sympathy card for a dog who died and sent it to me. Thank you for helping us get the underside of our house fixed.
It might not have been a day that had a big event showing God's grace and benevolence, but it was a great day to remember how blessed I am. Thank you God.

Near Tears

I took the boys on a field trip today and had a wonderful time. It was a great field trip; the kind that ranks high and is enjoyed by child and adult alike. Afterward, several of us stopped at a restaurant to eat a late lunch. I turned my phone back on and almost immediately had a call from Hubby.
"I'm getting ready to order; can I call you back in a minute?"
"No! Emma is in the field and her tongue is out and she isn't well!"
The sweet goat was sick, and off to home I headed. I left the kids with friends so they could have lunch. On the way home I called Hubby to suggest baking soda and water, to tell him where the needles are in the fridge, whatever I could think of. I was nearly home when he called me back.
"She is dying. She is crying and twitching and having a hard time breathing," he quietly said. I could hear her panting in the background.
"I'll be there as soon as I can be."
"She's gone."
And just like that it was over. I don't know what happened, if she ate something bad, or was just sick, or it was just time, or maybe had a snake bite... I just don't know. But as fast as it started, it ended.
Life is so precious and so fragile. You call goodbye and head out the door never suspecting that this will be the last time you speak. I have no more to say; it is what it is.
So what is there to be thankful for? Friendships end, relationships change, death comes in many fashions. The gratitude is that I knew love before it was lost. It truly is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.

Myriad

I just asked #1 what he is thankful for. Doors. Strange child, that one.
Today I got papers graded at school, talked to good friends, and enjoyed being with all the kids. This evening I had a wonderful dinner of chili con queso, and then went for a walk with my Hubby. We saw a deer and stood and stared at each other for quite a while. A rabbit ran into the woods as we passed. The neighbor's dog played with us on the way. A frog was making odd croaking noises in the wheat field. The hawk was flying over and squealing. It was a beautiful evening and a great nature walk. Now I am sitting in the livingroom with all my men. What do I NOT have to be thankful for?
#2 says I can be thankful that dad isn't losin' chunks on that belch. Another strange one!

Sunday Afternoons

When we lived in TX last time, my husband was a campus minister. He worked a lot of late nights, since college kids seem to do things at night, but we could go to church together on Sunday mornings as a family. Then after church we would have lunch, put the kids in front of a video, and head to bed with the newspaper. We read the Sunday paper together and then took a nap. I loved my Sundays.
Now we are a preacher's family. We end up at church together, but we aren't really there together. My husband races all over beforehand to make sure things are ready and covered. Then he leaves me during the sermon. Afterward he meets with people and has meetings. I nap alone, look at the paper alone, basically spend time alone.
But we have a new tradition. Usually Hubby is home early enough to get a nap of his own, look at the paper, do a little more work, and then we have some free time around dinner. So he and I have been "dating" on Sunday afternoon/evenings. We go for a walk and then to dinner. It is a good chance to reconnect before the week begins in full-swing.
Sabbath rest is a gift from God, a command given for our blessing and benefit. Thank you God for rest.

Saturday

I went to breakfast with the ladies from church today. The topic, surprisingly, was thankfulness. So it seemed appropriate to our leader that we share from the journals we are keeping this month. The greatest example in my opinion was Asa's grandmother. In the midst of what is a horrible thing, she is finding much to be thankful for. Babies born with this condition do not live a week, and rarely past the first night. Not only is the little guy living, but he is thriving. It looks very likely that he will survive and do great. Praise be to God.
My gratitude to God today is that God is still active and alive to the people of His church. I love them, and I love Him.

Healed Heads

Today was the Annual History expo for the local homeschoolers. there is a big party atmosphere as the kids show what they learned this year in History and Geography. They make tri-fold boards and displays, dress up like characters, and share with all of us what they enjoyed doing this year. At the same time the SGA has a "Come to Life Museum". The high school students choose a character from history to portray. Then the little kids walk through the rooms and listen to the characters tell about themselves.
There is also a concession stand as a fundraiser for SGA. My boys helped with it today instead of acting out a character. At one point I heard #1 say, "He's bleeding really bad." A boy had been playing on the playground, waiting for the fire truck that was going to be there as part of the festivities, and sliced his head on the playground fence. The ambulance came to check on him, and I was reminded of a day two years ago.
It was April 11th, and my baby cracked his skull, lost consciousness, and scared me to death. Last year I remembered it for the entire month of April; flashbacks, panic attacks, night sweats, you name it. This year...I thought of it a few days before the 11th, but actually forgot about it on the actual day. Then today, the 13th, it came back as I watched a mother concerned about her son's head.
So today's thanksgiving is for time that heals all wounds, even head ones. The emotional wounds are just scars that occasionally itch, and the doctor says that the physical wounds are healed as well. Thank you, God.

Thankfulness

We have been needing to make some house repairs, but have been unsure about which repairs are absolutely necessary and which are most important. So for several months I have been praying that God would show me what decision to make. Finally I felt like it was to be "Under the House Repairs". I made the call to a guy who had been recommended last fall, and he came out Wednesday to look it over. Thursday I went to the bank to make a deposit. When I got home Hubby told me the amount of the repair- it was $100 less than what my deposit now made our account. God had supplied the money right when it was needed. And it wasn't regular money either; it was Easter money from our folks, winnings from a contest, and a late payment from a student.
So yesterday's thankfulness was God's faithfulness to communicate with me and to provide exactly what I need.
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I was quite busy yesterday and didn't get to post, so here is an extra thankfulness for you...
#1 volunteers at a radio station to read the local paper to the blind in the area. Yesterday was his turn and I dropped him off, expecting to come home and finish some of my chores before picking him up again. I was nearly home when he called to say I might as well come back; he couldn't contact the director, the paper had been stolen, and the reader that was to help didn't show up. Instead of bailing him out, I bought another paper and went to help him.
I was, at first, irritated that my schedule was being trifled with, but quite quickly found a blessing in it. I am VERY able to stop and read the paper any time my head takes a notion to, but so many people do not have that ability. Either they can't see, can't read, or can't afford it. What a blessing it was to be able to help those less fortunate to have an opportunity to hear the local news. Thank you God for everyday blessings that I don't even think about.
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And on that note, I would like to ask prayers for a special little baby born about a week ago. Asa was born without eyelids. The MRI shows that he does have eyes, so perhaps surgery is a possibility, though whether he has sight in the eyes is unknown at this time. Please pray that God will give Asa a chance to see this beautiful world that He made for us.

Do You Trust Me?

This morning when I woke up #1 for the day he stopped me to ask a question. "What did you talk about at your HOME meeting last night?"
"Well, I didn't speak at the meeting, but there was a police officer who talked about internet safety with us."
"What did he say?"
This was odd, for my boy to care about what happened at a homeschool meeting, but I told him about some of the scenarios the cop talked about, about not friending people you don't know, etc.
Later this morning he brought it up again. "Mom, what all did the police officer say at the meeting?"
"Well, if you will go get my purse I can read you the notes that I took."
So he did, and I did. Then...
"A. said that her mom told her the cop was giving something out to help parents spy on their kids."
Ahh. Here it was, the reason he was so curious. Yes, I explained, he did give us a cd, but I didn't see how it was any different than checking the history on the computer, which I already do, and he knows that. I had talked to his dad last night, and we both said we aren't concerned about the things that the cop talked about. We have good boys, and we trust them to do what is right. (Of course I check their history, too, just to keep them on the straight and narrow.)
That seemed to satisfy him. "Good. I didn't want to ask you about what the cop said, but you weren't saying what A. said, so I wondered if you didn't trust me. I don't think you should have internet if you can't trust your kids."
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Thank you God for good kids. Trustworthy kids. Kids that make me proud to be a mother. They are a blessing from you, Father. Amen.

Hey There, Chickie!

These little guys were hatching on our Easter table Sunday at lunch. I thought this was a cute way to make devilled eggs for the holiday. I don't decorate for holidays anymore, so I thought I could take a little extra pain with the eggs to throw in a little merriment. I think they turned out well. The eye is chopped olive and the beak is a piece of carrot sliver.

Today I worked on filling out the application for Conservation Teacher of the Year. Now I have a HUGE headache. It took all day. I hope I win so I can make a little money on that time I spent today!
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Today's thanksgiving is that I got to see my "extra" boys today. Not too much, since I was working on the computer all day, but it was nice to hear their voices in the house once again. God has always provided me with the children I so badly wanted. Thank you God.

Lonely

In the early morning, I enter each boy's room to give a gentle shake and whisper, "Time to wake up." Then I head back down the stairs to Kelly. She waits at the bottom, on the rug in the sunroom, and lifts her head to look up at me, "Good morning, KellyBelle."
Only it wasn't that way this morning. #2 was sleeping in the guest room, not wanting to be upstairs last night. #1 was nearly falling off his bed. And Kelly wasn't on the rug.
I made it through the school day fine, being away at co-op kept my mind off of her. But once we got back to the house it was lonely. I miss that friendly nuisance.
So today I thank God for a chance to be with other people, for good friends and distractions.

Goodbye Dear Dog

As you know, on my blog I name my children by number in order to protect us a bit. My dog, however, goes named, and often unkindly. She positions herself in doorways, and we trip. She wakens us when storms come at night, and we end up sleepless. She follows me around the house and disturbs my day.
But in the last year especially I have come to have a spiritual bond with this mongrel. I began to realize that she is to me as I am to God. She makes messes and expects me to clean them up. She looks for food and expects me to feed her. She sees me put on shoes, and she plans on walking beside me. She has shown me what I must become: completely and totally dependent on God for my safety, my sustenance, and my friendship.
Yesterday, my dog took a journey that I have yet to take with my Master. She willfully disobeyed and ran after a car. She was struck and killed. Though I miss her terribly, again I find myself learning from her. I must never disobey my Master or it could end so very badly. Spiritual death is so much worse than physical.
The boys were sad to lose their dog. We had her ten years. #2 was found sleeping on the couch this morning holding his Oo-Oo, the monkey he slept with as a small boy. #1 takes time to process things, so he will probably lose it mid-week. He did want to help bury her though. Hubby is sad to lose her as well, but I think I am the most torn up about it.
She was a pain and a nuisance, and she was greatly loved and cherished. I pray that my Master will think of me as fondly when I finally journey to Him.

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Today Hubby began a new sermon series, The Gospel According To... Today was according to Jesus. We were then given an assignment: For a month we are to write down daily what good thing the Lord has done for us that day. I am going to try to write my thanksgivings here on the blog.

Today, as we worshipped on Easter Sunday, my husband told the congregation that some days are great and others are not, but you must find something to thank God for. Then he went on to say that our dog died yesterday, and it was a bad day. The congregation made a collective, mournful, "oohhh..." upon hearing hte sad news. I felt very loved at that moment. Thank you God for a family of Believers.

Sick Day

I might be too mean of a Boss. My older son woke up yesterday feeling lousy. Actually, Monday he got up feeling poorly, definitely with a sore throat and then sneezing, but he went to school anyway. Tuesday, he had trouble getting up. So I let him skip History club, community service at the park, and the regular 4H meeting. However, I made him go to the other 4H meeting where he is a leader. I thought it would be good for him to realize sometimes you work through the pain. Evidently he already knew that...
Picked him up and headed out. "Did you sleep today?"
"No."
"You didn't take a nap?!"
"No, I had to get my school work done. All I have left is math."
"I left you at home so you could rest. I thought you would sleep between activities."
So he stayed home from Guys' Night Out. He was on the computer, and I asked if he would like some soup for dinner. The look of relief and gratitude made me ask what he had for lunch while I was gone. Long, confused look followed by, "I don't think I had lunch." Based on the dishes in the sink, I would agree with him. Then he says, "Can I please quit Math now? I only did half an hour, but my head is killing me."
Maybe I better hide my whip for a while!

Theater, or Why Am I Nice Guy?

This past weekend was the local children's theater play. They performed Jungle Book, a very male-dominated show. This seemed like the perfect opportunity for #1 to get a role in the play. He, however, thought this was a perfect time to learn how to be on the Tech Crew. Even after much cajolling, he would not give in to audition for a part. So he joined the tech crew.
He spent the last 6 Saturdays working all day at the theater building sets, painting, and learning important skills like drilling and attaching hinges. Given the illness that affected me in February and the long road to recovery in March, I actually was glad that he had been adamant about not auditioning.
But then, sad day, he was not chosen to help with the backstage part of the play. That is evidently what he had been hoping for. It was the reason that he so willingly did all of that manual labor, and then plltt, his dream was gone. This play only had a few, perhaps 7, props, so a large backstage crew was unnecessary.
I, however, had expected to be driving him to play practices and shows, so I went ahead and signed up to be on the make-up committee. That is my normal post, and I enjoy it. I like talking to all of the kids, transforming them into princesses, birds, lions, or monkeys while they sit transfixed looking in the mirror. I have been doing it so long, that I know my job, where to find supplies, how to quiet the children, etc.
But this time, I wasn't there out of required duties. I was an unwilling volunteer.
Well not really unwilling, I did want to help, but somehow I ended up giving more of myself than I planned. Friday night's performance was a half hour away when the lead make-up person asked who was planning to stay backstage and fix make-up during the show. There were a lot of wolves and monkeys in this show, and little kids tend to scratch their faces, thus smearing said wolves and monkeys into oblivion. No one volunteered.
Finally one woman, a grandmother of an actor!, offered to stay. I couldn't let that happen. So I offered to stay and take care of any incidences since I didn't have a kid in the play and I didn't have any family attending. Yes, I saved the day.
But I don't know if it counts. See, God loves a cheerful giver, even a giver of time, and I wasn't too happy about it to say the least. I wanted to see the play, to support the kids that I know and love, but I didn't want to have to go to Saturday's performance. I wanted to go do make-up on Saturday and then leave so that I could have most of the day to myself. The grumbling that was going on inside my brain would have put a volcano to shame. Thankfully no hot lava spewed forth to embarrass me.
I actually got to see most of the play on Friday night since the monkeys didn't go on until almost intermission, and I put in my time on Saturday and then headed home. Many people commented about what a nice person I am to help with make-up out of the goodness of my heart. How glad I am that the stage mirror is not a remnant from Snow White, for it certainly would have told the Ugly Truth.

Racism, Part 3

This is the last I have to say on the topic. Perhaps I can find something less controversial for my next post.
The most obvious form of prejudice in America is based on race. Blacks are probably the ones who have suffered the most because of prejudice, but they are not alone. The Irish were targeted in the Northeast because they were considered stupid and filthy, until the Kennedys proved otherwise. Jews have been victims of bias in many places and at many different times. Chinese descendants were forced to work as railroad laborers because no one else would do the dangerous work or give them a job doing something else. Japanese citizens were placed in interment camps because they "couldn't be trusted". Mexicans and Latin Americans have been denied jobs because of stereotypes and prejudice.
America isn't alone in this hateful behavior. The Brits and the Indians, the Aussies and Aborigines, the Croats and the Gypsies... and ever so many more have hated each other and fought all because of race. But let's not stop at race. What about Catholics and Protestants, Christians and Muslims or Muslims and Jews, Republicans and Democrats, Shiites and Sunnis, Men and Women? It seems that for as long as there have been humans, we have tried to outdo each other and prove that I am better than you.
So you know I have to turn to Scripture now, right? What does God have to say about how we should treat each other? Well, of course, He says to love one another. Treat your neighbor as yourself. If you do not do these things you can't possibly understand or know God. (1 John)
But what if you have done those things, and you are still suffereing under the burden of prejudice and stereotype? Again, turn to Scripture:
Titus 2 tells how each group of people should behave, older men, younger men, older women, younger women, and then it ends with this gem. "In everything set an example by doing what is good. In your teaching show integrity, seriousness and soundness of speech that cannot be condemned, so that those who oppose you may be ashamed because they have nothing bad to say about us." Titus 2:7-8
In other words, don't be a pawn in Satan's scheme to turn us against one another. Let us each make a commitment to turn the tide of racism by giving no one a reason to prolong their prejudice.

Racism, Part 2

Now that you have decided I really am stupid for even trying to comment on this topic, let me add a little fuel to the fire.
Trayvon Martin, a young boy walking around a neighborhood at night. Walking in a neighborhood that had been experiencing robberies. Many have said he was shot because he was black. At the very least he was targeted, profiled, because he was black.
I have heard several interviews with black professional people who say no matter what, if you are black, you know you are black. They teach their kids that they must look out for themselves because they will be stereotyped. It is very true that these young people will be stereotyped, and an instant perception will be made. I teach my WHITE sons the same thing.
If you wear a hoodie sweatshirt, low-riding, baggy jeans, and swagger when  you walk, people will think you are a punk. If you wear a sullen expression and talk in terse, short syllables, even mumbling or slurring your words, people will be suspicious of you. If you walk alone at night in neighborhoods that have experienced crime recently, you will be targeted and watched.
It has very little to do with race, and a whole lot to do with ATTITUDE.
Conclusions about you are made quickly and based on little information. Providing positive, character affirming behaviors and attitudes goes a long way to helping yourself stay safe. No matter what color you are.