We started sewing yesterday. I really wish my friend Cassie were closer to me! I had a few sewing lessons from my mother, but not enough to make me good enough to teach much. The 4-H is having a Cotton Day in a couple of weeks, and the boys are sewing a knapsack for it. They are having a great time; both decided yesterday that they really like sewing. It doesn't hurt that book work was delayed until the sewing lesson is completed. I told them I will not have them going off to college not knowing how to sew! ______ Yesterday afternoon the boys sponsored a fundraiser for The Smile Train. It is a non-profit organization that provides free cleft palate and cleft lip surgeries for children around the world. We raised over $80!! The health dept. nurse came and taught the kids how to brush your teeth properly. She was a very kid-friendly person and it was a great lesson. The boys each gave a little speech to promote The Smile Train, and then they took donations. Good Job Boys!! _______ #2 wants to be President when he grows up. I asked him why a couple of nights ago and he said, "Because someone needs to make a law!" About what I queried. "There needs to be more men running radio stations. There is too much girl music on the radio and we need more men to play 'Man Music'!" Glad he knows what is important.

Last week our focus was on simplicity. Here are a couple of readings that I enjoyed: "Those who love money never have enough; those who love wealth are never satisfied with their income. This too is meaningless." Ecc. 5:10 "The sinful worship of Mammon does not consist in eating and drinking and wearing clothes, nor in looking for a way to make a living and working at it; for the needs of this life and of the body make food and clothing a requirement. But the sin consists in being concerned about it and making it the reliance and confidence of your heart. Concern does not stick to clothing or to food, but directly to the heart, which cannot let a thing go and has to hang on to it." Martin Luther, The Place of Trust Recently some friends and I were discussing Abraham's ability to sacrifice Isaac. We determined that even though he had many possessions, he was possessed by none of them. I hope I can say the same.

Last night we talked to #1 about becoming a man. He spent the first ten years of life learning how to be a kid, and now he will spend the next ten learning to be a man. I was pleased with several of his comments. He knows it is a man's responsibility to be at work on time. He knows we go to church for worship, not to giggle and play with friends during services. And he knows he wants to pick a wife who is kind and will encourage him in his work. He doesn't even care what she looks like, as long as she isn't TOO ugly! Try keeping a straight face through that!! _________ Millie got out last night, but Elvis didn't drink her dry. I think he is finally done nursing. I saw him try one day last week, and then decide it was too much work. He is as big as she is! I also had to go check on Christa at 3:30 this morning. I woke at 2 and couldn't get back to sleep. I kept thinking that she may have had her babies and they were out there freezing. Finally, I got up to check, but no babies. It is definitely cold out there. I love farming, but 3:30 a.m. and 30 degrees is a bit much.

They went to bed at 12:30. I told them to go to bed. Hubby heard them at 6:30. The guests are gone and my two are resting on the mattresses watching television. They are going to some friends' house this afternoon, so they will be wiped out tonight. I made a discovery about #1. He is like his father and can only take so much of people before he needs to be alone for a while. He started getting the same sound in his voice that his father gets, and then he disappeared for a while. At least he realized what he needed to do. We had a nice visit with the in-laws. They headed back yesterday after lunch at Red Lobster. My father-in-law hung new blinds for me in 7 windows. It was very hard wood and had to be drilled and then screwed, so he definitely earned Father-In-Law of the Year! My mother-in-law did the ironing for me and taught school one day so I could clean out the attic a little bit. Still trying to simplify.

As I write, the children are in the next room watching a movie with friends. It is #1's TENTH BIRTHDAY!!!! He chose to have a sleepover. We opened presents this morning while the grandparents were still here, and then took him out to lunch at Red Lobster. The kids have played and had pizza and soda, and now it is movie time. Afterward we will have cake and ice cream, and then light sparklers outside. At 9:39, he will run through a doorway covered in paper. This is to symbolize entering the world of a young man. (He was born at 9:39 p.m.) There are things that he will now be allowed to do. He will no longer have a bedtime. He can watch most PG movies. He can sit where he likes at church. He can visit friends or talk on the phone. It also means that more will be required of him around the house and farm. He will be more accountable for his actions. I think we have prepared him well for this next step in his life. Even now, he has been "man enough" to admit the movie scares him, even though his friends teased. He is loving with the two year-old that I watch. He obeys his parents and wants to please us. He is creative, introspective, pleasant to be with, and a loyal friend-from what I hear.

The in-laws are coming for a visit today. I always enjoy visits from our parents. I like the talking and visiting, the dates Matt and I get, and the work that gets accomplished. I think I would have enjoyed the days when families stayed in the same town and helped each other out. I am noticing that Darkie looks a little better cared for (fatter) and I wonder if she is getting more grain or if she perhaps is pregnant. I haven't seen her come into season again this month, so maybe... I paid bills last night and worked on the budget. This little farm brought in about $20 this month so far. Hubby wants to know how much the farm paid out. We cleaned out a bit yesterday, not necessarily because this week's focus is simplicity, but it did help. The book shelf looks a lot better and the kids' room is clean. I told them they had an hour to clean it and then I would clean it. They will be missing some cds soon!

Some more interesting thoughts from Last Child in the Woods.

In the late 1800s the Census Bureau declared an area settled if it had more than 6 people per square mile. Based on that, they said the frontier was "closed". Then, in 1993, it was discovered that about 200 counties of the Great Plains no longer met that criteria. In five states of the Great Plains there were more counties with fewer than 6 people per square mile than there were in 1920.In Kansas such counties cover more territory than they did in 1890. Even the number of counties with fewer than 2 people per square mile is on the rise.

Based on what we are studying in school right now I found that amazing. Lewis and Clark explored that area in 1806. 30 years later it was beginning to settle. So in about 60 years the land was declared settled. Then, less than 100 years later, it was no longer settled. How terrible we are sometimes. The loss of a people (Native Americans) was extreme. The loss of wildlife and natural habitat, devastating. And all for a temporary fling. Humans are a very selfish race.

Then were these thoughts on spirituality and nature.

"Grasping the Grand Scheme is demanding for adults; for kids raised on Disney, it's simply shocking to discover that it takes a bunch of Bambis to feed a Lion King, and that Mowgli's wolves would eat Thumper and all his sibs. Eventually, most of us figure out that it's people, not nature, who create morality, values, ethics- and even the idea that nature itself is something worth preserving. We choose to be shepherds and stewards, or we don't."

And then, this 1995 study from MIT: "A substantial majority of people surveyed justified environmental protection by explicitly invoking God as the creator, with striking uniformity across sub-groups. It seems that divine creation is the closest concept American culture provides to express the sacredness of nature. Regardless of whether one actually believes in Biblical Creation, it is the best vehicle we have to express this value."

That sounds a lot like Romans 1:20, "For since the creation of the world God's invisible qualities- his eternal power and divine nature- have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that men are without excuse."

______

We started a jigsaw puzzle last night that was a Christmas present for the boys. It is 600 pieces of the world- countries shaped like they are, not like jigsaw pieces. It is set up on an extra table in the dining room and we will work on it for quite a while I am sure.

Good sermon today. The topic was simplicity. That is a topic we have struggled with all through our marriage. How do you know what is enough? My husband admitted his problem, addiction to books, and how he has had to learn to use the library. I guess I have the opposite problem. I very much hate to have things. As he was preaching I was thinking about all of the things I could get rid of at home. Then he spoke about accepting what we have as a gift from God. He was speaking about being happy with what you have been given- in the sense of not needing/desiring more- but for me it is accepting what I have been given with grace and not disdain. The lesson ended with a tangible, hands-on experience. He had baskets of pretty rocks, all different sizes and we were to choose one. Now we are asked to carry the rock around all week. The reason we are to carry it around? Because we don't have to. How many pretty little things we acquire through life and carry around with us, when we don't really have to. Good point.

Happy Birthday to me. I had a nice first present--I slept through the night and a little late! I have been watching the chickens lately, to see what will happen now that Tate is gone. This morning I watched Ugly (the new rooster in command) ambush one of Tate's most loyal hens. He was hiding in a barrel and when she walked by, he pounced! She was so mad; it definitely "ruffled her feathers". So far he keeps away from people, so we are getting along fine. My boys are growing up and getting much more independent. They are also starting to be able to think on their own and come up with smart remarks. I probably should have punished this one the other day, but I had to laugh instead. #1 has a bad habit of capitalizing letters that shouldn't be and not capitializing those that should. So I have been getting harder on him, and pointed some out the other day. When I started to point out some more he said, "SSSSSSHHHHHHH (static noise) I can't hear you. You're breaking up. SSSSHHHH I'm going through a tunnel now." He did correct them, so I guess laughter was better than punishment.

Another restless night. The dog started barking at 2 a.m. and she was inside! So I had to get up to let her out. The neighbor dog was out there looking around and I guess Kelly felt territorial. Then at 2:15, for some unknown reason, the television came on. So 4:00 came and went and I was still awake. Hubby reminded me that this happened last Thursday too, so maybe next Thursday she will sleep outside. Here are some more things that are sitting in my mind from having read the Oregon Trail diary: They drank a lot of coffee back then because the water was so dirty. The coffee covered the taste. It was said that those who ate the most breakfast, ate the most sand. You never took a bath or combed your hair. The blankets were wet and dirty. The people often married young, 14 was not uncommon. People often ended the trip with nothing because of having to lighten the load so much by the end of the trip; the animals were too tired to pull anything and just died. How does a 14 year old, with nothing, start a life? And this was 150 years ago! That is not long ago.

I slept late this morning, after being up a couple hours through the night. I don't know why, just awake. That always means good "God Time". We are studying Westward Movement in the USA now in school. I found a couple of Trail Cookbooks at the library so we are trying some recipes. Last night we had Oregon Venison Stew- used beef though- and my husband dubbed it Death Stew. That is because I had a story to go along with it. I also checked out several diaries at the library and the boys and I are to read them and give a book report. Well, in my book, the girl was making stew similar to the recipe, but she poisoned it accidentally with hemlock. It seems hemlock looks very similar to parsnips. Yes, my stew had parsnips...so it was called Death Stew, though no one got even a stomach ache. Tonight we are having corn and black beans, fried vegetables, bread, rice, and fish. This would have been a meal they would enjoy during a longer stop of a day or two, usually spent making repairs or trading at a fort. I finished my book today, since it was such a gloomy, rainy day, perfect for curling up and reading. I was struck by how much death occurred during the journey. There were many accidents, drownings, snakebites, etc. They just kept going, because there was no other choice. The journey took about 6 months, from Missouri to Oregon. About 100 years later you could fly it in a couple of hours!

I found a miracle in a little red pill. In August I went to the doctor, and although he said I was doing great, he thought my red blood levels were low. I ignored him, because they have always been low. Then, around October, I hit the wall. I was so tired, could hardly move at times. As the autumn went on and turned to winter, I became more and more lethargic. Finally, I decided perhaps I needed some iron. So, a couple of weeks ago I started taking a pill every other day. I didn't want to overdo it. I don't like taking pills. Within days I started having more energy! I felt whole, normal, energetic, fabulous!!! I had forgotten how it felt to be healthy. I had been on autopilot for so long, I forgot how it felt to think and do for myself. I have been finishing projects that started long ago. I have hope for the future, instead of despair and exasperation. Thank you, God, for the little red pill. ________________ My baby was in the newspaper yesterday. They wrote an article about his birthday party, and his generosity to the animlas. I'm just glad he didn't tell them about butchering Tate! PETA would have been on our doorstep in a second!

This week's SGG reading is from Thomas a` Kempis. It was translated by William Griffin and I really enjoyed it. Here are a few lines: Plan to take some time off, and give some thought as to what you would do with that time; hopefully, you'll spend part of it reviewing God's favors to you in the past. ... Most of the Saints did just that, avoided collaborative projects whenever they could, choosing instead to spend some private time with God. ... The person who wants to arrive at interiority and spirituality has to leave the crowd behind and spend some time with Jesus. ... Nobody's comfortable in public unless he's spent a good deal of time in the quiet of his home. Nobody speaks with assurance who hasn't learned to hold his tongue. Nobody's a success as general who hasn't already survived as a soldier. Nobody respects decrees who hasn't already obeyed writs. ... In quiet and silence the faithful soul makes progress, the hidden meanings of the scriptures become clear, and the eyes weep with devotion every night. ... As one divests himself of friends and aquaintances, he is visited by God and his holy angels. ... Why do you want to go out and see what you shouldn't need to see? ... What can you see on the outside that will survive the sun? Perhaps you believe you can find satisfaction out there somewhere, but truth to tell, you still can't reach it. ... As for the common wisdom, if you hadn't gone out, you wouldn't have heard the disturbing rumors; better for you to have stayed home in blissful ignorance. I know it isn't possible, or plausible, to put myself in a cell like a monk, but there is something wise about staying home and having quiet. My resolution from 1 Thess wasn't just about not being too busy, but was about being busy at home. I need to remember that. ------------ #2 got a phone call from the newspaper yesterday afternoon. They want to do a story on his birthday party and donating items to the animal shelter. It is not out of character for him to be so generous. Yesterday, when his brother had temporarily lost a few of his chess pieces, #2 wanted to give #1 his Toys-R-Us gift card that he got for his birthday.

I spent a good bit of time working outside this weekend. I had the thought that if someone would do the housework, I would be very happy to do the outside work. When I was a child I did the inside work and my brother did the outside. Then I liked that arrangement, but now I would not so much. I wonder, why the change? My husband came home Saturday after a long day and told me he was going to kill Tate, the rooster. I don't know why all of a sudden he felt that it had to be done, but I am glad that it is done. Tate had begun attacking you if you were unarmed, and the kids could be attacked even if armed. So the kids were no longer allowed in the field or to feed their goats and rabbits. He cornered Tate with a shovel and knocked him out until the deed could be done. I butchered him after supper and he is in the freezer now. My dad says he will be tough, but that is to be expected; he was a tough rooster! Yesterday we burned the garden to prepare it for planting next month. The way the weather has been I think we could plant now and still do ok, but I am not going to do that. The fire was big at first and #1 missed it. He was very put out that he missed it, but he got to play in it a bit later. I still have more to burn today; it didn't burn as well as I had hoped. I let the boys play in the fire because that is what boys do. My Last Child in the Woods book speaks often about the fears we have as adults that were not part of our childhood. My parents would have let me play in the fire- it was, after all, being monitored and controlled. So I let them play a bit, though I have to admit there was some fear on my part and once I told him to put something down that was probably safe for him to have. #2 went out in the field yesterday and started digging some more on the hole he started a month or more ago. He was happy to be allowed back into the field. I don't know why he likes to dig, but it does make him happy.

I took the kids to a museum yesterday in Durham. They each took a friend and we had a great time. There are a lot of outdoor things to do there and the weather was nice. They spent a lot of time hiding and playing tag, and I enjoyed sitting on the bench in the sun and watching them. There were bears, wolves, and lemurs to watch too. And the butterfly house was wonderful. That should be the end of big field trips for a while. We will be getting back into too many other scheduled times and I have used up my gas allotment for the month! My husband complained that I don't know how to relax. When I start to get a break then I take off on some new idea. I suppose he is right, but it isn't that I don't know how to relax; it's just that I enjoy so much about life and want to see and do it all. We spent Thursday night cleaning so we wouldn't have to make up too much work today, for having missed the day at the museum. Of course, I still have the chicken house to clean and fix, the bathroom to paint, regular cleaning to do, and papers to file. Not to mention the emails I need to respond to. Guess I just mentioned them. Well, here is to a relaxing day in my memory.

Typing will be slow this morning; my fingers haven't thawed out yet. It is 25 degrees this morning. That makes you want to skip milking! I locked Elvis in the pen this morning, in hopes that he will stop nursing, and boy is he mad! ____________ My group spoke about solitude last night. I had been thinking I would get some in about 6-7 years, when the youngest is old enough to do his schoolwork without much direction, but an older mother told me I won't. And that from a stay-at-home non-homeschooler! I did enjoy some solitude Monday night and that has stuck with me all week. There is a difference between being alone and being alone at home. Home is much nicer.

I had a homeschool support group meeting last night. The monthly meetings have gotten smaller over the two years that I have been here, while the organization's growth has grown by leaps and bounds. I don't know why that is, but obviously we aren't meeting the needs of everyone. I was trying to think about why I go, since several topics have not been of interest to me. I suppose the answer is that I have found a community there that I enjoy. If I can encourage someone who does need the topic being covered, then my presence is needed at the meeting. It seems church and Bible study follow the same lines. Why does it seem that some people only go when the topic is what they want to hear? I imagine they haven't built the communal ties that are needed to attend when the reason for your attendance might only be to encourage another person. Christianity is not about me, but about the greater good.

We watched another movie last night, but at home. It was A Good Woman with Helen Hunt. It is a clean movie as far as language, violence, and sexual content, but he topic is not for kids. It has a lot of twists and so you go through many emotions during the movie. It has some funny lines, but don't get it if you need a comedy. _____________ Well, hubby and I were having a discussion yesterday about Ezekiel. It seems the people of the day were saying all is well and all was NOT well. God punished those who were telling the lies. I commented that the same can be said today about the problem in the Middle East. Whether you agree with the war or not, you have to admit that all is not well there. The abuse and neglect of women is wrong. As we talked on about it, we commented that of course Africa is ignored, too. We don't go to war there because they don't have anything we need. Then a few hours later we saw that America attacked Somalia. It wasn't for the reasons that one would hope- to rescue women and children from slavery- but at least America has gotten a little closer to non-discrimination. ______________ I got to have a little solitude last night. The kids had asked their dad to play Monopoly and they did for a couple of hours. I took a hot bath, gave myself a pedicure, and took a nap. I tried to be quiet so I could listen to God speak. He wasn't saying much last night, maybe He needed some solitude, too.

We had a prayer meeting at church yesterday. I'm sure that sends pictures through your mind of people in pews, solemnly bowing heads, to petition the Lord on their behalf. Thankfully, our church is willing to experiment a little with different forms of prayer, and we experienced another opportunity to draw closer to God. There was music softly playing and dim candle and lamp lights. We displayed meditations on the screen, had large, paper-covered boards for writing notes to God, and we had "babbling prayers" where everyone prays aloud at the same time. There were a couple of rooms set aside for solitary prayer- entering your closet as Jesus said. It was a good night. I am reading a bit about solitude now and boy is it hard. I know that I need solitude, but finding it is very difficult. I do have times when I am alone--feeding the animals, cleaning the kitchen, going to the bathroom (usually)--but times of extended, work free, solitude escape me. I confessed to God last night that even if I found it, I am sure I would use it to sleep. There is an organization that offers free retreat settings to pastors and their spouses, and I hope we can take advantage of that this year. To have a couple of days alone, without guilt at not getting projects done, would be glorious.

I took the boys to the beach yesterday. I know that is amazing for January, but we were not the only ones there. It was a gorgeous day, and has been gorgeous all week, so we decided to take advantage of it. I kept thinking about my nature deficiency book. The boys were digging and running on sand dunes. We even took the dog and let her see the ocean for the first time. While we were climbing dunes I heard a woman tell her young son not to climb them, "we have to protect these areas." That is a lot of what this book is about. We have turned nature into something that children aren't allowed to enjoy. It is as if nature is a museum and the "Do Not Touch" rule applies. Certainly there are places that need to be undisturbed, but this was not one of them. The grasses on the dunes are not rare and the footprints we left would be gone with the wind in an hour. Enjoy nature.

Our dog is a big baby! She doesn't like storms, but she is even afraid of rain. Last night a cloud burst broke about 3:30 and she snuck into our room. I heard her come in and tried to ignore it, but then she started licking. Flup, flup, flup, flup, flup...it will drive you insane. So I was up for the next couple of hours. Then #2 was looking for me at 7 a.m. Please can't I sleep through the night?! _________ Had to get the oil changed yesterday and went to Wal-Mart. The line of cars was about 8 deep, but not knowing when I would get back again, I went ahead and got in line. So the boys and I did a little shopping. Here is something interesting we discovered: You can't find cereal that doesn't have sugar as one of its main ingredients. Most cereals list it as the second ingredient. A few that contain more than one grain will list it as the third ingredient, and at least one lists sugar as the FIRST ingredient! Health food cereal, like Kashi, tries to sugar-coat it by calling it "evaporated cane juice crystals", but we all know that is SUGAR!!! The boys were very sad thinking they couldn't get any cereal, but mom aquiesced to one bag of fruity rice cereal--10 grams of sugar. Then when we were checking out, I watched the woman in front of me. She had no fresh meat or fresh produce. She didn't even buy canned or frozen veggies. She bought deli meat, corn dogs, Good Humor bars, Sunny Delight, Velveeta Mac and Cheese, and kid cereals. The closest thing to "real" food that she had was a bag of shredded cheese. Is it any wonder America is obese?

61 degrees when I went out this morning to milk. It is hard to believe it is January. The weather forecast says it will be in the 50s next week. I know that is still warm for winter, but now it sounds cold to me. The movie last night was PG-13 but I wasn't aware that it was such a psychic thriller. I don't care for that kind of movie, and had I been at home I would have left the room. But it was well done and if you like that kind of movie, it is a good one. I ended up asking a friend if the kids could spend the night with her and I get them back at noon. SO, I need to get as much done as I can this morning without any children. I talked to a neighbor last week with kids my kids ages. She said she just doesn't have time to get everything done. Her kids go to public school and she works part-time. I had no sympathy!

I spent last night watching a movie with my husband. It was a mistake to stay up late, but definitely not a mistake to laugh for a while. We watched Calendar Girls. It is one of those Steel Magnolia films, but without as many tears. I would recommend it for adults. Tonight we are going to see a Ted Dekker movie, Thr3e. It seems we have been seeing a lot of movies lately. Charlotte's Web, Pursuit of Happyness, Night at the Museum, and The Nativity Story have all been good films. I just wish they had good movies all year so we could spread the cost out a little. Tonight's movie is free for ministers, YEAH!! ______________ Last night's discussion in my SGG was good. Simplicity is something we all struggle with. What is acceptable and how do you go about it in this country? A lot of tough questions and very few answers.

My reading for the Spiritual Growth Group this week is about Simplicity. It was a short letter by Clare of Asissi. I am concerned about simplicity, and have been for years, but it is a discipline that eludes me. How much material wealth do you give up and still provide all you should for your family? Who decides in a society what is considered appropriate wealth and what is outlandish or over the top? Am I rich- depends on whom I compare myself. What about simplicity of life style and not just material possessions? If you have been reading along this past year you know my struggle with this. I am not sure when I will have an answer. I thought it was telling of my beliefs, though, when for Christmas I cried over donkey ears that my father-in-law made for me. They are wooden ears to replace the ones that broke on a planter that hubby's grandfather made for me years ago. I so much appreciated the time and thought he put in to my gift. ______________ I love to watch our kittens, Winkie and Leo. They are about 4 months old now and still very playful and cute. They like to sneak up on each other and attack, or try to climb up my leg and get Millie's milk in the morning. I am still reading Last Child in the Woods, about nature-deficit disorder. There are so many examples of children who are in the inner-cities and have no contact with nature. I can not imagine never seeing kittens play. I have had such a blessed life.

The Israelites were so often shown the power of God. They were rescued time and time again by Him. What made it so hard to stay with Him and keep Him as their God? Now a friend of ours has left his family. Personality conflicts. But instead of counseling, working on it, sticking it out and letting God heal, he just left. The amazing part is that he was so on fire for Jesus just weeks ago. He was physically healed and gave the credit to God. He wanted to go to seminary, share his faith with others. Now he doesn't want to talk to any of those Christians- people he considered friends so recently. How does Satan grasp us so quickly and why do we turn, seemingly, without a care? Dear Lord, please turn K. heart back to you. Please heal that family's pain. Amen.

OK, the New Year is starting out on a good foot. I was able to rise early and have my quiet time. And I have suppressed the urge to get out my schedule. Let's see how long it lasts! The boys were planning to stay up last night to see the ball drop. Daddy and Mommy went to bed at 10:00 with instructions for the boys to turn out the lights. They still aren't up so I don't know how late they stayed up. They were quite disappointed about 6 pm when they realized we weren't going to have a party, nor were we attending one. The old folks are boring! #2 lost a tooth last night. It was suddenly loose and he worked at it until he got it out on his own. The first one on his own and the fastest to ever fall out; guess he's getting the hang of it. Better than having it hanging there for a couple of weeks. Have a Happy New Year and good luck on everyone's resolutions.