Exhaustion and Margin

I knew February was going to be a rough month. I could look at my calendar and imagine the hectic pace, stress, and lack of rest and quiet time. I could also see the spaces where I would be able to stop for a break and breathe, recover, and gain my sanity. My spaces were not large enough.
Some things happened that I didn't count on...unexpected visits from in-laws, a death at church, concerts and meetings that were not written in, and illness. I know the illness was brought on by a hurried schedule and stress from a personal situation. I even imagined when I looked at February's page in my little calendar what days I would be sick because of the pace. But needing to deal with heartache and what is right and wrong instead of what is easy and convenient, sent me over the cliff into illness oblivion.
Finally, after three weeks or more of start and stop traffic into good health, I decided I better go to the doctor. I thought it was strep. I usually drink Kefir to get rid of strep, and it works well, but it just wasn't cutting it this time. So I went for the big guns. The test came back negative for strep, but it was definitely bacterial, so the big guns were acquired. Finally I am starting to heal and regain some strength.
But the issue is not that I had a rough month. The issue is that I didn't have enough margin on my paper for my professor to write me some notes. When I grade the kids' papers, I write notes in the margin that will help to make it a better paper, or just to say that was a good point or word choice. When the kids first start in my writing classes, they leave no margin, no double spaced lines, and I have nowhere to write. That is how my February felt, like a too full paper and no room for God's comments.
There are times when we don't get to say how much margin is in our lives, like my February with incidences out of my control, but if every month is like that, then when the tough times pile up one after another, we have no way to handle them. God is so big that he can't fit into the tiny portion of a ten second prayer and save your sanity.
I know what you are thinking, I thought God can do anything, and yes, He can. But He won't allow Himself to just do anything, and if He knows that you are putting others before Him, He will let you work it out yourself. God is a jealous God. He wants all of me. And He deserves all of me.
So I am sorry to those who will feel neglected or disappointed by my absence, but God needs my focus right now. I need my God.