Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Muddy Water

I just finished the longest walk I have taken in about a month. My legs are shaking, and I really needed to sit down, but I feel better for the walk. Just need to build up my stamina again. The antibiotics are finished as of yesterday, so hopefully I can start feeling like my old self again soon.
A green haze is floating over the Ornamental Willow in the backyard. Daffodils have popped up all over the countryside. It has been a mild winter here, and spring has sprung a few weeks early. I let the goats out yesterday for a few hours to graze in the yard, and I just set them free again when I returned from my walk.
The dog walked with me this afternoon. She doesn't walk well with the boys, or even Hubby sometimes. She likes to follow me...at a great distance. Then when we get closer to home she passes me by and meets me on the porch. Today her feet were very muddy when I returned. I asked her about it, since I managed to get home without muddy feet. It seems she likes them that way.
Yesterday's bath didn't impress her I suppose, but then again, I tend to wander back into the mud myself when I have been gone from the tub a long time. Good habits take a long time to congeal.
So I keep praying, meditating, and reading Scripture, and God keeps dunking me in the tub of His Ways. Someday He is going to pour out that water and find it crystal clear, or at least only slightly muddy. At least I am realistic.

Tuesday, February 28, 2012

Dirty Dog

Because of my illness and hectic schedule the dog actually made it a month without a bath. Yes, I am blushing to admit that. HOWEVER, I did manage to take showers myself, so I suppose it could have been worse.
You couldn't look at her and tell that she was filthy. The dirt was deep in her hair and clung to her like grapes to a vine, but I knew she was disgusting. I knew that underneath all of that thick, winter coat was a dust bunny reproducing at an alarming rate. Partly I knew because of the funky smell that started emanating from her a week ago, but I also knew because she hadn't visited the bathtub in a long time.
I tried to give her a bath last week, but the tub I use had a hole in it and water was leaking all over the kitchen floor. It was too cold to stick her outside in the water, and so the bath had to wait.
Today I took the new tub outside and filled it with water using the garden hose. The dog was off on a walk and didn't notice the impending doom. When she and her boy came back home, she slunk into the kitchen where I was boiling some water to add to her tub. She saw the towels and the shampoo and cup, and she knew what was going to happen. Tail tucked, she tried to hide.
She quivered through the whole procedure. She wouldn't look at me. She even tried to jump out, something she hasn't tried in years with me. She was dirty and happy about it. The thing is...she wouldn't be happy if I let her filthy ways continue. Soon she would be eaten alive by fleas and ticks, and she wouldn't be allowed in the house with the rest of us.
As I poured out the gray-brown water from the tub, I thought about myself. Sometimes I stay away from my "shower" much too long. The dirt of the world clings to me, hiding beneath the coat of Christianity that I slip on each morning. But I don't fool my owner. He knows the dirt is under there, and he can smell me. He warms the water just a bit, grabs hold of me and dumps me in. I don't like the cleaning. I try not to look at him. But when it is over, He wraps me in a warm towel, dries me off, and welcomes me back into the house.

Sunday, February 26, 2012

Exhaustion and Margin

I knew February was going to be a rough month. I could look at my calendar and imagine the hectic pace, stress, and lack of rest and quiet time. I could also see the spaces where I would be able to stop for a break and breathe, recover, and gain my sanity. My spaces were not large enough.
Some things happened that I didn't count on...unexpected visits from in-laws, a death at church, concerts and meetings that were not written in, and illness. I know the illness was brought on by a hurried schedule and stress from a personal situation. I even imagined when I looked at February's page in my little calendar what days I would be sick because of the pace. But needing to deal with heartache and what is right and wrong instead of what is easy and convenient, sent me over the cliff into illness oblivion.
Finally, after three weeks or more of start and stop traffic into good health, I decided I better go to the doctor. I thought it was strep. I usually drink Kefir to get rid of strep, and it works well, but it just wasn't cutting it this time. So I went for the big guns. The test came back negative for strep, but it was definitely bacterial, so the big guns were acquired. Finally I am starting to heal and regain some strength.
But the issue is not that I had a rough month. The issue is that I didn't have enough margin on my paper for my professor to write me some notes. When I grade the kids' papers, I write notes in the margin that will help to make it a better paper, or just to say that was a good point or word choice. When the kids first start in my writing classes, they leave no margin, no double spaced lines, and I have nowhere to write. That is how my February felt, like a too full paper and no room for God's comments.
There are times when we don't get to say how much margin is in our lives, like my February with incidences out of my control, but if every month is like that, then when the tough times pile up one after another, we have no way to handle them. God is so big that he can't fit into the tiny portion of a ten second prayer and save your sanity.
I know what you are thinking, I thought God can do anything, and yes, He can. But He won't allow Himself to just do anything, and if He knows that you are putting others before Him, He will let you work it out yourself. God is a jealous God. He wants all of me. And He deserves all of me.
So I am sorry to those who will feel neglected or disappointed by my absence, but God needs my focus right now. I need my God.

Saturday, February 04, 2012

Trip

I took the Environmental Science kids and their families on a field trip to Raleigh this week. It was a three day, two night trip, and I AM EXHAUSTED! We played a lot of games to teach concepts, hiked lots of trails, and worked, worked, worked. Of course there was some free time, but mostly we were busy.
We got back late yesterday afternoon and had to prepare for a funeral. Two hours after getting home I was at the funeral home with my boys in tow. Today was a Ladies' Breakfast, the funeral, and tonight a concert for the boys. Hubby and I made a date to eat out, and now I am catching up on emails and stuff.
I knew a month ago that this two week section was going to be full, but some things were unaccounted for- like a funeral and a concert- so it is even more hectic than planned. Knowing that this time is just temporary helps a lot.
Of course the funeral has me thinking about that sort of thing. How nice it will be when I no longer have to run a harried race in order to get through the day's/week's/month's activities. How wonderful to think that "This World is Not My Home."