Sea Goddess

I was told that I looked like a Sea Goddess today. Yes, a Sea Goddess! I have been called many things in my lifetime, and thankfully they are usually nice things... a good mother, a loving wife, intelligent, organized, helpful, a good friend... but I have never been called a Sea Goddess. This comes during a bit of a mid-life crisis for me. I have been watching my body metamorphose into a middle aged lady who is active, but evidently not active enough to retain her youthful figure. As I posted recently, my first born is about to enter puberty, and I am entering my forties. I am not mourning the change or losing my identity, but I am having trouble recognizing myself. I still enjoy dancing around the kitchen. I like to flirt with my husband. I have tried some new make-up colors, and I am still considering what to do with my hair. But I do not shop. I do not enjoy clothes shopping, first of all, because it involves spending money for something that I essentially already have. It seems wasteful to me. I also do not enjoy shopping because very few clothiers understand the metamorphic changes that I have undergone. I need to look young, but not show everyone all of the places on me that really are not young. Yesterday I went clothes shopping at one of my favorite stores where they do seem to have an idea of what a middle aged woman needs to look stylish. My everyday shirts have been worn, uh, everyday and are looking a bit, um, worn. So I decided that as I only have two shirts that really are nice enough to wear out of the house, and I do plan on leaving the house, that perhaps I ought to go shopping. Much to my delight, and my husband's surprise, I found a great sale at the aforementioned store. It is difficult in this new body to know what looks good. Nothing is where I left it, and some new visitors have arrived without directions for their costuming. After two hours of trying on clothes- a horrid torture for someone who thinks you should get dressed and stay that way until you go to bed- I found several articles that seemed appropriate. I bought 7 shirts, 2 pair of pants, and one pair of shorts. I had no shorts before. I know, I live in NC, the Land of Heat and Humidity, but the shorts I did have didn't change with the rest of me, and I was left shorts-less. I walked out of the store feeling proud of my new attire, if a little uneasy at how it would look on me. I wore a new pair of pants and blouse today to church, and bless her soul, one of the teens came to me afterward to say that I reminded her of a Sea Goddess, all blue and flowing! She has no idea what that means to me. Certainly a Goddess was not a level to which I had aspired. I would have been happy with, "You look nice today." My Wednesday evening small group has been reading/discussing a book entitled When Did I Stop Being Barbie and Become Mrs. Potato Head? It has provided a lot of much-needed laughter. Last week was about how old we feel. As I have a harder time bending, walking, and kneeling, I have wondered how old do I really feel. My heart is young when I am intimate with my husband, laugh with my children, talk with a friend. I think of my future as lasting a long time still. I am making plans, looking forward, seeing fresh beginnings. But when I look in the mirror it all fades into what used to be and isn't anymore. My children are growing. My husband is graying. My parents are aging. My grandparents gone. The Bible verse that was highlighted in our reading last week was Psalm 90:12, "Teach us to number our days aright, that we may gain a heart of wisdom." I took from that to be aware of the days that I am in, and not to look too far back or forward. Wisdom comes in living this day that I have been given and not in wishing for a different day. So for today I will do some work, play a bit, and rest, too. I will not complain about my back or my feet. I will enjoy my children at the age they are. I will revel in being a Sea Goddess.