There is frost on the car window this morning, but Spring is surely on the way here. The daffodils are starting to appear everywhere. Texas has bluebonnet fields. North Carolina has daffodil fields. The azaleas are even popping out in some parts of town. The Spring Peepers have been out off and on for a few weeks, but they are becoming nearly constant in the evenings now. And I haven't worn my long johns in 3 days now! My husband would say that is the best sign of spring!! Another certain sign of the seasonal change is my younger son's activities. The land here is often separated by ditches for irrigation drainage. The land is so flat that the flooding would be tremendous without the ditches. One of our ditches runs along the road and is partly drained by a pipe under the road into another ditch. Where the pipe empties out there is a large puddle. My son has been developing "mixtures and solutions" out of the gunk there. He adds the gravel and sand from the road and makes his stuff. He has spent hours out there lately. Of course he comes in covered in dirt and mud. I have had to do a lot more laundry lately. And the "sun room" is now the "mud room". But I wouldn't trade these days for anything.

Remember the miracle of our heating oil last month? Without buying oil, we had more oil in the tank than we have ever had before. There was no explanation except a miracle from God. Well the miracle continues. I was telling a friend last week of our miracle. She then told me about her situation. She and her family have been without heat for a week because they can't afford any more oil. She was going to stay with family for a couple days while the bad weather came through, but then she would have to come back. She was thankful for a mild winter and praying that warmer weather will be on the way VERY soon. I came home thinking about how God had blessed us with free oil and why didn't He bless them? Then it hit me! He blessed us so he could bless them through us. Oil has been delivered and they are doing well. Praise be to God! And praise be to the Spirit who prompted that conversation.

I just read Bono's speech given during the National Prayer Breakfast. Wow! I can't tell you anything about Bono or his music. I don't listen to him, but I am sure that if I did I would be surprised by his speech. How dare I judge rock stars without knowing them. I hope more celebrities will take an active role in helping God make the world a better place. --------- I am struggling with my tongue. I have heard about some injustices, at least I and a few others believe them to be unfair, and yet I don't know how much to say. To say nothing is wrong. To say some things could damage the prospect of fairness later. To say much is pointless, for those who are unfair do not see that they are. I am asking God for wisdom to know what and when to speak. --------- We have finished the science fair! Yeah!! Just the 4-H state project to finish up. Then...can't think of it right now.

I thought I would jot down a few of the things I have heard my just-turned-nine-year-old say lately. Upon listening to the song "Down in the River to Pray" he started telling his father that they were "in the river to get baptized. Because lots of famous baptisms take place in a river, you know." ------ Upon watching a video from Discovery Channel, "Journey to the Center of the Earth", "Life was so much simpler before I saw this!" The conversation went on to explain that before he could just say because God made it, but now there are questions. ------ Same video: "Could they extract DNA from the bacteria (that live as deeply as we have been able to drill) and create a suit from it? Then it wouldn't be too hot for us to explore there." Is that smart or what!? ------ "I wish I knew when God is taking the earth." Why? "Then I'd know if I need to be saving for college or not." ------ This is my favorite: "Mom, do you like having children?" Yes. "No really, be honest." Yes, very much. I love having children! "I don't think I want kids." Why? "They're so dim-witted." After much laughter from Mom he went on..."I guess they are ok once they learn some useful things, like how to multiply."

Last month one of the prayers I prayed daily was for God to let me enter his heart and see what breaks it. Then to let it break my own heart. I don't think I like having God's heart. It is so tiring to have your heart broken so much. I have been very fatigued lately and I am wondering if that isn't part of the problem. I am not saying that I don't have joy in my day. I surely have felt the Presence of God and His Joy, Love, Faithfulness, and Goodness. He has daily granted me those blessings. What has been hurting me is the lack of Love and Harmony among Christians. Certainly we all believe different things about Christianity, even within one denomination you find several differing views. But within the Kingdom there seems to be so much division. We used to live in Texas. Cooking chili is an art form there. There is the very popular meat only chili, chili with beans, hot and spicy, and on and on. But when it is all said and done, you eat chili. It seems that the Kingdom is that way. You can read the "cookbook" and come out with many recipes for your Christianity, but when it is all said and done, we eat Christ. Who am I to judge if you have the right amount of spices and beans in your chili? And who am I to judge if you have followed the Bible's directions for Christianity? The following are excerpts from Romans chapters 14-15. The man who eats everything must not look down on him who does not, and the man who does not eat everything must not condemn the man who does, for God has accepted him. Who are you to judge someone else's servant? Therefore, let us stop passing judgment on one another. Instead, make up your mind not to put any stumbling blocks or obstacle in your brother's way. So whatever you believe about these things keep between yourself and God. May the God who gives endurance and encouragement give you a spirit of unity among yourselves as you follow Christ Jesus. So that with one heart and mouth you may glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. To be honest, there are things in the Bible that seem to be against each other. There are good points for many of the differences denominations contain. Discussing those differences in a manner of love is very acceptable. Just as a discussion of whether chili ought to have beans in it is an acceptable argument. But there is still only Christ to eat each day. I am afraid God has heartburn from all of the arguments of how to make Christianity. May we all feast at the table in the Kingdom and enjoy the fellowship of all the Family of Believers. I think God would like those "Tums".

How long have you been in my life? For Forever and a Day. I have no memories of being without you. You were there when I ate lunch in Kindergarten and when I was punished in First Grade for spitting on Christy. You were with me as I tramped through the pasture with my imaginary friend, Beth. You were with me in puberty when I cried because I didn't want to grow up. And again when I cried my wedding night, You were there. You have been with me in dangerous places, when a car ran out of gas. You have been with me in friendly faces, always providing someone for me to talk and laugh with. You have been with me in the promise of my children, and you are with me still as I beg your help with them. You open my mouth with words I never had; you brighten my eyes to see what I didn't see before. I have never been without you Lord, although you have often been without me. You are like a foggy mist, creeping into every nook and cranny of my life, until I am thoroughly soaked in your Presence. I hope to drown in You.

I have been very busy the last few days. I have tried to keep a sense of peace and slowness about me, to be present in the moment and not feel hurried. For the most part I was successful, but Saturday evening it came rushing in on me. I am still practicing "the quietness of mind". Last week I was finishing reading Hebrews and have been thinking about this ever since. Faith is a big thing. I wrote down several things that it entails or implies. Faith is displayed in creation and sacrifice. Faith pleases God. Faith makes you do crazy things. Faith looks forward and trusts even when it looks hopeless. Faith is other-worldly. Faith is a free choice. Faith rules out any contradictions and trusts God. Faith leads to worship. Faith conquers fear. Faith believes miracles. Faith perseveres. (Hebrews 11) Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the throne of the right hand of God. Hebrews 12:2 Jesus had the ultimate faith: He did something really crazy and other-worldly as his own free choice. He was looking forward, trusting God. Even when it was hopeless, he looked to God with trust and overcame fear. He believed there would be a miracle, persevered, and was received in worship. Oh, for a faith that will not shrink!

Being the mother of two boys, I was interested in the Newsweek article about the education system leaving behind boys. It is a hot topic for me. Yet what really is interesting is not the fact that boys are being neglected and so falling behind, but the fact that "experts" are just noticing and trying to decide what to do about it. I noticed quite a while back when my older son started Kindergarten. There is no room for play and talking. No room for moving and being young. No room for immaturity and slow growth patterns. Everyone must follow the same pattern, do the same things at the same time, and do it constantly. Books have been written for over 40 years about the physical differences of boys and girls. They are "hard wired" differently anyone can tell. Boys cannot function well in a female patterned classroom, and it isn't fair to ask them to. Boys may not read until they are in 3 grade. As an Education Major I remember that there was not to even be any testing done until then, because children were still learning so much and at such different rates. Now if you don't start reading in Kindergarten you may be held back. If you are not reading well in 1 grade then you will be in a reading lab or special ed program. How did that happen?! Being told from the start that you must behave differently and you must learn quickly, has told boys that they are not good enough. If you are told that long enough, either directly or subtly, you will believe it. Thank goodness the experts are starting to notice.

I have been experiencing God's faithfulness in so many ways lately. What a wonderful God I serve. He is faithful in all He does and says. There could be no better God. Last August several at our church started praying for 45 more children, aged pre-school to 6th grade, to join us by August 2007. We have a very small group of children to start with and they need encouragement by being with others. Almost every week some more children come. Though the "joining" part is still being worked out, there are still definite traces of God's work. We have also been praying for a little longer that we would be able to help those in our neighborhood who are searching for God. We want to reach out to those who are reaching out to God. In December we had a prayer walk and prayed for specific buildings and streets in our church building's neighborhood. Yesterday a young woman showed up. She had been walking past the church last week and felt drawn to it. Then when she came in yesterday morning she said chills went up her spine. One lady assured her that was because she is supposed to be here, an answer to prayer. She lives on one of those streets. A friend with ALS went to the doctor this past week. The disease is progressing so slowly and perhaps a cure is within sight. New drugs are being developed and she is trying one now. We continue to ask God for complete healing for her and all those who have this tortuous disease. Yesterday, I went to check the oil level in our tank. We heat the house with fuel oil. The level was at least as high as last time, if not higher. I haven't bought any oil in well over a month. I can only imagine that someone has paid for oil for us- though we have not seen any delivered- OR God has supplied the oil as He did for Hanakkuh. Either way it is a blessing and a miracle that we accept with all praise for the Father. Our God is an awesome God, He reigns in Heaven above, with wisdom, power and love. Our God is an awesome God!

I have been fighting a cold this week. I think I am starting to win. Winning isn't everything my boys say. They started playing league basketball this winter. It is a christian league and playing, learning, and attitude are the main focus. They are having a great time, but I think snack after the game is probably the highlight. They have only lost so far, and though I was told it doesn't feel good, they seem to be handling it ok. ----------------------------------------- I have been thinking about what practical ministry looks like. How do I, a homeschooling mother of young children, who also cares for 3 other younger children, find time to minister? I used to teach and speak at events at our last church. We had a family that lived behind us that required a lot of extra attention. I helped the college ministry at a homeless shelter at times. But here I have seemed to get stuck in getting everything done and teaching children. Besides, we don't live on a city block and it isn't as easy to see those in need of help. Then I started praying for quietness of mind and the ability to hear God. It has occured to me that the best way I can minister is to be listening to those around me. In doing so I have heard the loneliness of several people, the fear of others, and even the great joy of others. I ask God daily for the grace of silence and it is opening many doors that I didn't even notice were there. Just when I thought I couldn't squeeze another weekly event in my life, such as a formal ministry would require, I have discovered that by listening, ministry doesn't disrupt as much as I thought. I can take a lonely lady to the boys' ball games, I can play games with a friend and her children, I can make a call while I clean out the dishwasher. A few minutes of listening to a person can serve God in ways unknown. "Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak..." James 1:19

I have been laughing at our livestock lately. They are very confused. The chickens have started laying eggs in odd places, like the dog house. The goat has been following the dog around the yard. If the dog isn't around then the goat will eat the dog food. It seems the animals all want to be someone other than themselves. People envy sometimes gets to me too. __________________________________ I have been thanking God for a mild winter. The prayers of many have been heard by the Lord. The price of heating oil, natural gas, and electricity have made many people pile on the clothing and pray for mild weather. Though the Lord seems to have answered this prayer, I wonder what the next prayer will be. The farmers need cold weather to kill the pests so they can have good crops next year. Will our prayers to save money this winter only end in higher food costs this summer and fall? It is so easy to look at the immediate and ignore the long-term. It is hard to think about what is good for the environment and future generations when you are facing a high energy bill. Forgive us Lord for our short-sightedness. Please bless us with the desire and commitment to be far-sighted in our use of your earth.

So maybe you are wondering how I am doing in my unambitious life? I think it is going fairly well. I have been careful to spend the first half hour of my day in the Word and in prayer. (That is the first half hour after my shower, etc. I imagine God appreciates it.) I have tried for years to spend that time with God, but I am often interrupted. So I told my husband and he is trying to make sure I am not interrupted. I have found myself having the time to get things done. But more importantly I have found myself being less stressed about the slower times of the day- when the kids need to tell me something or just want to play a bit, or when a friend calls just to chat. Being present at all times. It is a challenge. I have been focusing on this prayer this week. Give unto us, O Lord, that quietness of mind in which we can hear you speaking to us, for your own name's sake. Lord, you have taught us in your word that there is a time to speak and a time to keep silence. As we thank you for the power of speech, we pray for the grace of silence. Make us as ready to listen as we are to talk, ready to listen to your voice in the quietness of our hearts and ready to listen to other people who need a sympathetic ear. Show us when to open our mouths and when to hold our peace, that we may glorify you in both speech and in silence. Through Jesus Christ our Lord. - Frank Colquhoun

Happy New Year!! I have made it back. The letters are written and mostly sent, the decorations are back in their boxes, and warm weather is all around. The holidays are over. We had a nice time visiting family and friends. We even left the children with their grandparents for about a week while my husband and I went to a retreat in Tennessee. At the retreat I was reminded of an intriguing Bible verse I read last year. "Make it your ambition to lead a quiet life..." 1 Thes 4:11. I remember asking my husband if that would be ok. Could we live a quiet life and can that really be an ambition? It certainly seems to be unambitious in the American way of thinking. Would it be ok if we quietly live our lives here in Eastern Carolina, not making waves or crashing onto the scene somewhere? Can we retire here someday with nothing more to add to our resume than what is there already? Can that quiet life be achieved on the daily basis? We are not back a week yet, and already it is "Let me write that on my calendar. No, I am already booked." The kids have basketball, 4-H, and co-op classes. Mom has committee meetings. Dad has committments. The frantic pace grabs you almost unaware and you are running before you have your shoes tied. Now I know that the writer of Thessalonians wasn't talking about fame or busy schedules, but God did set a standard in declaring a Sabbath rest. So it is my goal this year to be quieter, to say less and listen more, to schedule less and relax more. I am making it my ambition to lead a quiet life.

Last weekend our church had a party. We ate together and then had a sort of talent show. It ended with a slide show of the year's events and people. I was struck by how much has happened here in one year. We have grown in size and in committment. We have reached out to those in our neighborhood, community, and farther. It was good to be reminded. Last week I spent a day at the ER with a friend. She is a widow and her young daughter had fainted. She didn't want to be alone. I am so glad I could be there with them. Once again I saw the blessing of God in community. The holiday season can be very tiresome and stressful. I try hard for it not to be, but it does get that way. I make a lot of our gifts and that takes effort. In order to get things done and still be available to my family, I will not be writing until after the holidays.

God came to my house on Tuesday evening. His name was Bobby. Our oil furnace wasn't working and, because of a recommendation from an energy conservationist, we started getting estimates on replacing the system. It would include new duct work, which might also include cutting through plaster ceilings, rewiring the house, changing the housing of the heating/cooling system, and who knows what else they would find. The estimates started at $4500 and went upward of $7000. I was weary, sick, frustrated, and depressed. We can't afford a big thing like that and it was looking like I would have to go back to teaching school. I don't want to do that. I love being with my children and caring for others' children as well. I like the freedom that it provides, and the ability to help people when others can't because of work schedules. Then Bobby came to our rescue. He was recommended by a friend as a very honest guy who can fix anything fixable. He came to give us an estimate, but was very reluctant to do that. He asked why did we think we needed a new one? I gave him the spiel about the energy conservationist and he told me that he could fix it. Bobby had the part in his truck and fixed it in about 10 minutes. The blessing of Bobby's ability to fix the furnace for $118 is not why I say God visited us, though that was surely a blessing from God. After Bobby finished the repair, he came inside and sat down at the kitchen table to visit. What repairman does that!? He began to question me about why we are here and why did I think God brought us here. He discussed our decision to homeschool and encouraged me in that effort. He reassured me that God is watching over us and that He is taking care of it all, if only I will trust Him. He talked of men serving and ministering in many ways other than preaching, and encouraged me that Matt's ministry might be organization or training leaders ( which is what he is best at without my saying a word about it). He encouraged me and renewed my faith. In a time when the world begins again to wonder at the liklihood of God coming in the form of a poor carpenter, it is nearly as remarkable that he also comes in the form of a southern-drawling, good-old-boy plumber. Thank you Bobby for listening to the Holy Spirit's voice. And thank you God for letting him share your message with me.

The chicks have hatched, all 8!!! They started Sunday evening and by this morning they were all out of their shells. Goldie is carefully watching them and I have to wear gloves to get in to them. It has turned colder here and they are staying snugly beneath her wings. It is amazing that she knows how to be a mother instinctively. I remember a friend telling me once about losing her child in a mall store. A man asked for a description of her so he could help look. My friend tore into him "like a mother tiger" telling him that she couldn't trust him to do that. She later felt a little badly about jumping to the conclusion that he might be an abductor or molester. I understand both of her reactions, that of a terrified mother and that of wanting to trust mankind. I also remember a conversation I had with another friend. She was holding my infant son while we watched the toddlers at the park. We were having a discussion on sin and she lifted my baby and said, "You know he is sinful." I thought I would pounce on her and tear her limb from limb! How could my baby be sinful?! That was the first time I felt the "mother tiger" within me. We were able to clear the air of our different opinions and beliefs, but I was never able to clear the air around my children. I am fiercely loyal to them. I see their faults and weaknesses. I reprimand and discipline. But no matter what, I am their Mother Tiger and I will defend them from dangers, real and imaginary.

I went to a workshop/conference last night at the university. It was about International Education and Globalization. I was especially interested in hearing from the Finnish delegation of students. The Fins have dominated the world lately in putting forth the best-educated people. I was surprised to hear that they only attend school 20 hours a week until they are 12 years old. Then it goes up to 25 hours for junior high and 30 hours for high school. One of the comments I hear a lot about homeschooling is that we don't put enough time into it- about 3 hours a day. The Fins said children there enjoy school because it is formatted for many types of learning, not just linear or linguistic. They have woodworking and needlework lessons, music and art times, as well as recess every hour. I wonder about the stress level of American students. They are in classes for many hours with little time to create or think abstractly. There is little time for play or freedom. Is it any wonder more and more children are suffering depression and stress-induced illnesses? Perhaps it would be good to look to the relaxed atmosphere of the Finnish schools. My own homeschooling experience is similar. My children have plenty of time to think and create. They have lessons that introduce many ways to enjoy life, not just linear and linguistic. And they have lots of free time to play whatever they want to play. Just in the last week, when lessons were over, they have built forts out of several kind of blocks, written books about magical creatures, taken adventures across North America dressed as Native Americans, drawn robots, read good books, listened to music and tried choreographing dances. About a month ago they had Economic Summits using a map and trying to decide which bases should be closed and who they should "take over" (Look out Canada!). That was a free time play of their own invention. They suffer few illnesses and are certainly not stressed. Yet, even with all of that free time they have learned more than those in the public system, or even a private school, will ever have the opportunity to learn. The workshop did for me something the directors probably never intended; it solidified my belief that my children are getting the best education I can give them and my desire to continue homeschooling was strengthened.

My last post was about motherhood and why people might want to be parents. This is about fatherhood and the example set by fathers. My boys want to be like their Daddy. They want to try preaching and leading church services. They want to dress like him. They even talk about going to college for 14 years like Dad. Heaven forbid! They adore their dad. My husband has a weight problem that results in a liver disorder, so he tries to watch his weight. One way that he does that is to order diet sodas when we are out at restaurants. The boys have noticed that and for a very long time have asked for diet as well. I wouldn't let them because I don't think the artificial sweeteners are good for them. This year I finally gave in and allowed them to order diet soda. I was surprised that after the first time they still wanted diet sodas. Ugh! After a while though, I noticed that when they ordered it, they sat up a little taller and had a proud look as they peeked over at Dad. It wasn't the soda they were wanting, but to be like their father. Last week, while ice skating, the younger one ordered a diet because he "needs to lose some weight". He is extremely skinny and wiry. I came home and told my husband what he had said. Without another word from me, my husband called the boy in the room and talked to him about why it is important for Dad to watch his weight, but not for the child. Health was the important factor, not weight loss. I was so proud to see the father not only set the example, but explain the example as well. They play ball with their dad, watch his movies, and his every move. Oh that every child could have an earthly father like my children's. Loving, involved, interested, proud of his children.

This year we hatched chicks in an incubator, partly as an experiment and partly as a way to get some chickens. It didn't go so well the first time and I think I baked the babies. So we bought 11 chicks at the local Tractor Supply. Then the extension agent called to say that we could try the incubator again if we wanted. This time we were more successful and had 5 chicks live. All 5 happened to be hens! Our hens started laying this summer and we have been enjoying fresh eggs for several months now. The boys' allowance money comes from the extra eggs that we sell. One of the hens that we incubated is now sitting on her own nest waiting for the day she will be a mother hen. Her name is Goldie and she started trying to nest several weeks ago, but I wouldn't let her. I couldn't believe that she wanted to already. She just wouldn't give up though. When I would take eggs from underneath her she would get so mad. She would ruffle her feathers and growl at me. Then after I had the eggs in a bucket, she would follow me clucking very loudly. I don't speak chicken, but I knew what she was saying. I finally gave in to her about a week and a half ago. I made a special nest for her in part of the rabbit hutch so the other hens wouldn't mix their eggs in with hers. Goldie stopped laying eggs that day and happily nests all day long. I let her out every day to stretch and move her bowels, but she always comes right back. She wants me to raise the lid and let her back in the hutch to tend to her business. Her strong desire to be a mother has made me reflect on motherhood. I did not have trouble getting pregnant, but I know many who have had. They go through all of the pain and misery of trying medical alternatives to become a parent. What is it that makes us want so badly to be a parent? For my part, I would have to say it was the love I share with my husband. I wanted to pass it along in some way. To find joy in another; to watch it grow and become someone. Could that be God's reason for creating us? To share his love, to pass it along, to take joy in us, to watch us grow and become someone? What a wonderful thought that God would want to be a "parent" so badly that He created me.

One day as I was taking my small charges back to their house, I took a different route. The 3 year old was worried. This was not the way to his house! I assured him it would go to his house, but he was still worried. So I asked if he knew where he lives. "Do you live in Greenville?" "I don't think so." "Can you tell me how to get to your house?" He sweetly and confidently answered, "Do you know where the airport is?" "Yes." "Well, it's FAR away from there." I had to laugh at his innocence. He directed me from what was important to him- the airport. Last night I got another dose of what my children's reality is. My 6 year old was explaining how he had designed and made a glider. As he was explaining a particular fold he said, "You use the finger that you pick your nose with." Then quickly added, "If you were to pick your nose." I guess I know what is important to him.