I was sitting on a log overlooking the water when I noticed this snag still standing. Full of beetle holes, bark torn off, branches long gone, I was amazed that this dead trunk could still be here. But not only was it here, it was standing. The roots must be deep to anchor this worn, weathered, beaten, and broken tree. It made me wonder how long I will stand.

Finally, be strong in the Lord and in His mighty power. Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh or blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore, put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Ephesians 6:10-13

Bloom Where You're Planted

Walking along the waterfront, I saw a spot of color squeezed in betweeen some fallen logs. Tiny purple irises were blooming in the sandy soil far from any house or landscaped yard. I can only imagine that the bulbs were washed down river after last year's hurricane. Landing in a soft spot, the bulbs planted themselves and bloomed this spring.

I am transplanted by the storms and floods of my own life. Washed downstream, I swirl and swim in the frothing water. I spit and splutter, looking for a dry place to step out of the flood and find my footing. But every single time, without fail, my Lord sets me down in a safe soil, protected by fallen logs that wall me away from the turmoil without. God is my soft, sandy soil. I take root and bloom, hopefully attracting others to the beauty of my Lord.

God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging.

There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God, the Holy place where the Most High dwells. God is within her; she will not fall; God will help her at break of day.

Be still and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.

Psalm 46: 1-5, 10

Church Retreat

We went on a church retreat last weekend. Our congregation used to camp together, but the campouts were getting smaller and smaller. So now we go to a Boy Scout camp for a retreat. If you want to camp, you can, and if you don't, you can stay in a cabin with a semi-comfortable bed. This was not our tent.

But this is the view that the tent dwellers had when they awoke. Can you see the boat in the distance? It was a beautiful view, but then again, all I had to do was walk out to the front porch for the view, so it was ok to stay in the cabin!

There was a Boy Scout group there camping, for real camping, and in the morning they lined up their kayaks to prepare for a day on the water. I thought the contrast of the colorful kayaks was a pretty sight. The camp dog was waiting for the boys to get going.

Maggie, the camp dog, was chomping at the bit to get into the water. #2 threw a stick in the water and she took off after it. However, she wouldn't come back out of the water. Sort of shortened the fun he was hoping to have.

And then there were the birds. These roosting on the pier posts were too far away to get a good look at, but you certainly could hear the sea gulls in the morning and evening.

I wasn't looking forward to the retreat. Not because I didn't think it would be good, but because I was feeling the need to have some time at home getting things done. God took my meager agreement to attend and turned it into a restful weekend full of meditative thoughts. The next several days I will post pictures and thoughts from my time at the retreat. Perhaps it will inspire you to spend a little time in quiet meditation as well.

Growing Up

This is my big boy, #1. He has nearly finished his Sophomore Year in High School. Amazing, isn't it? Sometimes I still see him running through the house in his red footed pajamas with the bottom that snaps out. How quickly time has flown!

We spent this past week getting his ARIE packet ready. He is now old enough, in 4H years, to compete for national trips. For this competition he had to fill out an Application, make a Resume, and write an Essay. This summer when he goes to State Congress, he will be in an Interview with several judges. They will review his Application, Resume, and Essay, and then they will Interview him with questions like, "How has 4H made a difference in your life?" If he performs well enough he will receive a trip to Atlanta, GA in the fall. Good luck, Baby Boy!

County Activity Day

Last evening was our first County Activity Day. In the past we have done presentations at the county level by signing up for a time and just heading over to the building to give it. But a new agent means new ways, and so we were at the Ag Center for a couple of hours last night.
It wouldn't have been so bad if I hadn't dropped a set of drawers on my foot earlier in the day. My big toe was throbbing, and sitting on chairs with my foot on the floor was't helping. I think I mashed it pretty badly, but I have decided it isn't broken. My diagnosis anyway, and it's free.
You have to dress up for presentations, and my boys looked so handsome I could have cried. I was proud of my boys. I had a friend take a picture of me with them since we so seldom all get dressed up. Don't they look great!?

#2 was able to see his Buddy, and that made his day. Buddy has been removed from our lives, and it has been hard on #2. They had a good time visiting and giggling like old friends do, and made arrangements to get together on Saturday when the older kids go to Prom.





My Camera is acting up. I have changed some of the settings and don't know how to get back to the way it used to be. So a lot of my pictures are turning out blurry. But here you go anyway.

#2 gave the same presentation as he did last year. As long as you don't win gold at State, you can keep giving the same presentation. So his was "Prescribed Burns: Just What the Doctor Ordered."






#1 was in the Public Speaking category with the same speech as last year, "War: What Is It Good For?"











We were in a room with 7 presenters, and all won first place for their categories, since there was no competition. District and State are much more competitive. They did do an over all first and second place, though. #2 received Second Place Overall.

So now we head to District Activity Day near the end of June. It will be in Elizabeth City, NC. I have never been there, so at least I can look forward to seeing some new sights, oh and my kids' presentations, of course.

Trusting God

After church today we stopped at Dickey's for lunch. My main objective was to get some super okra; they have the best in town! What I didn't expect was to get a lesson from God.
I sat at the table waiting on my family to walk over with the food, when I noticed a little boy, about five years old, tapping his daddy on the waist band. I couldn't hear them, but I knew the boy asked his dad for something. The dad motioned to wait a moment, and after ordering talked with the boy. The boy looked up at his dad with such love and awe. He definitely thought highly of his daddy.
After their brief discourse, the man went back to ordering, and the little boy noticed a sign. It was an arrow nailed to the wall that said, "Fill your cravin' this way". The arrow pointed which way the line of customers should proceed. "That says 'Enter"," the little boy said. Over and over he told his dad until the man listened."That says, 'Enter'." The man nodded his head in agreement, and down the line they went hand in hand.
Wow, I thought, that is me and my Father. I ask Him about things, and he takes the time to answer me, reassuring me. Then I look around and read His signs, but not fully. I am not ready to see what His signs really say. I have an idea, an inkling, but total comprehension is not mine yet. But my Father takes me by the hand, and I trustingly follow Him to the next stop on my path.
The guys came to the table then, and my revery was disturbed, but as I think back on it now I know what I really had for lunch wasn't okra and brisket, it was a dish of delectable trust served in the hand of a little child grabbing his daddy's fingers.

In the Shadows

I was just going out to check the mail and started to call for the dog. She liked to go out anytime I did. This morning the sun was shining on the hallway floor outside my door when I got up. I expected to see the dog lying there in the sun. She is gone, but not really. She lingers in the shadows of the house; from the corner of the kitchen window I think I see her on the porch, I hear her nails clicking on the wooden floor, and I reach for her by my knee when I sit on the couch. A shadowy figure slinking through my memory.
Our assignment for this month is to tell others what God has done for us. Shadows are one of his gifts. The first gift is love. His ultimate gift of love was in self-sacrifice, but how can I understand that 2,000 years later? I see glimpses of it in the love that surrounds me. My memory is the second gift. Those who have loved and left me already, grandparents, friends, my dog, all have something to teach me about the way God loves me. And I don't forget.
I feel my grandmother's fingers in my hair as she braids it before school. I see Papaw cutting an apple for me with his pen knife. I smell ham frying in the iron skillet and know Grandma will welcome me at the table. The other Papaw, gone the longest, still embraces me as I enter his house. I was always loved, welcomed, and cherished.
Some might say those are my grandparents, of course I have those loving memories. But my husband's grandparents taught me about God's adoptive love by always treating me as if I always belonged to them. I was hugged and kissed, embraced and welcomed into their homes and families. My Lord never showed any less love to me than any of his other children, either.
And my dog? My dog has taught me that God really only sees the good in me. He fully forgives me whenever I repent. How do I know? Because I love my dog and have already nearly forgotten the dog hair, the spitting up on the floor, the mud on my newly mopped hardwoods, the cement encrusted feet after running to the neighborhood down the road.
If she were to walk onto the porch this minute, I would welcome Kelly back into the house. And I know God, too,  will one day forgive all my sins and call me out of the shadows and into the light of His home forever. That is where Love will not be a memory, but a constant gift that never runs out.

School's Out...Sort of

Our co-op finished on Monday!! That is three classes down, one more to go. I will finish with my private student next Wednesday. Of course, my own children still have some classes to finish up, but they asked to sleep in this morning. Monday, of course, was busy, and then yesterday was a full-throttle day that started at 8:00 AM. and went until 8:00 PM. I am so ready to settle down.
So for your reading enjoyment I thought I would throw a little anecdote in for free.
Last week #1 went on his first date. He was to meet the girl at the movie theater. He had asked me if he could ask her to the movies, and I agreed. He did NOT, however, ask me if he could have a ride to the movies. So just before we needed to leave, Hubby asked me if I was driving #1 there. I responded that I supposed I was though he hadn't asked me for a ride.
"#1 you're going to be late," Hubby yelled.
"Why?"
"You didn't leave yourself enough time to get to the theater."
"We have plenty of time."
"Not if you're walking there."
"Mom is driving me."
"You didn't ask her to drive you."
"I just thought that was her job."
In all actuality the boy doesn't think, so I don't imagine he intended what it sounded like, but WHEW! He was informed that it is not my JOB to take him places, and I don't think he will make that mistake again. Fifteen is fun if you keep a sense of humor about you.

Four Days

This was testing week and a very busy, tiring time for me. I did, however, make mental notes of what I was thankful for each day. Hope you have a great weekend.

Wednesday
After testing today I took #2 to the park. #1 had to go to an SGA meeting, so we dropped #2 off at the park, I spent 45 minutes teaching my private student, and then I returned to the park to gather up #2. Instead, I stayed for two more hours. The kids played kickball and hiked the wooded trail. It was so sweet to sit with friends and chat at the park. I haven't done that, literally, in years.
We talked about books, marriage, curricula, teenagers, and who knows what else. It was an unexpected, relaxing treat. Thank you, God, for days at the park.

Thursday
Since yesterday at the park was so nice I thought we would try it again. My thankfulness took an unexpected twist. The moms were a different bunch this day. Most of them are my age, and they have young kids, preschoolers. As they tried to visit with each other they would have to run over to the playground to help a child with the ladder or to push on the swing. I was thankful that those days are over. It would be fun for a day, but I don't want to live it all the time.

Friday
Standing in the hallway between the bedroom and the kitchen, I heard a thud. It was the thud you dread, of a bird flying into the window. Hubby, reading in bed, looked at me and I at him. He looked out the window and, sure enough, there was a female cardinal lying in the grass. We were fairly certain she blinked, so I went out to have a look. As I appraoched the tiny bird, she sat up but didn't fly away. I picked her up and let the boys look at her through the window.
She was absolutley beautiful. Brown feathers down the back of her neck looked like fur, and a crown of fine, reddish-orange feathers graced her head. She was panting with fear. I took her over to a bush to put her on a limb. The poor thing fell right off and hit the ground. I gingerly picked her up again and placed her in a different bush with more support.
Later in the afternoon, I went out front to check on her. She was still sitting right where I left her. As I approached from the porch, she looked at me and then took flight. She flew across the road and landed in the holly tree. It wasn't much of a flight, but at least I knew that she was going to be ok.
I thanked God that the little bird had healed and was going to be fine. Then I thought about it some more.
Sometimes I run into a window in my life. Everything looks good, safe, amicable, and then THUD. I am dumbstruck by life. Fear overtakes me, and I lie still hoping no one notices. My Father places me in a bush to rest and recover; sometimes the bush is large and safe and sometimes it is just a temporary breathing spot. But He offers me safety and support for as long as I need it, and the next time that danger unexpectedly approaches, I am ready for flight.
So instead of just being thankful that God watches over the birds of the air, I ended yesterday being thankful that my Lord watches over me. He guides, teaches, and protects me, so that I can continue to serve him no matter what happens.

Saturday
The boys participated in a Relay for Life event last night. They went with the youth group to support a woman from our church who was diagnosed with cancer this past year. The idea was for them to spend the entire night at the event, through noon today. But at 4:13 A.M. my phone rang. It took me a while to rummage through my pants pocket and find the phone, but then I called back.
"You tried calling?"
"Yeah. Everyone is tired, so we are coming home. You need to unlock the door for us."
The youth minister packed them up and brought them home at that awful hour of the night/morning. And I was thankful for J. He faithfully teaches my kids to be servants of Christ, to read the Word and study for themselves, to have Christ in themselves and to be Christ to others. Thank you God for J. and all of those who are helping to show my children what You look like.

Testing

Today we began testing; that three day period of coloring in bubbles, eating great snacks, and seeing old friends. Testing is a wonderful experience with the homeschoolers. Perhaps schools just don't do it right. Our students' teachers are not paid according to how their students perform, nor is our school money allocated according to test results. So, really, there is very little stress on the kids and the teachers.
I am proctoring high school this year. That means today I graded papers and knitted. Tomorrow I think I will do some planning for next year and make a grocery list. I usually have to proctor the little kids since I used to teach Kindergarten. That means reading the test to them and giving constant supervision. High school is a special treat!
So what do you suppose I am thankful for today? You got it! Testing!

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I realize I haven't posted in a couple of days. I have been worn out. Sunday I was thankful for time to be with my church family. I really do love those people. But I was also thankful for the opportunity to celebrate resurrection. We have had so much death around here lately that it was nice to be reminded of life that never ends.
Monday I was thankful for such a great group of people who help me with my homeschool walk. I have great friends and companions who commiserate, encourage, and relate. I also love that the boys have great friends who are good influences on them. I really do love all of those kids.

Rough

Preacherman gave us this assignemnt two weeks ago, the day after my dog died. "Keep a daily journal of gratitude to God. Write down what you are thankful for each day."
Could he possibly have chosen a worse time?! The day after our dog of ten years was killed in front of my very eyes? Then a goat died. Then we had to pay taxes. Then the house had to be repaired. Money had to be found. And today? My chickens were attacked while I was out of town, not sure what did it, but I lost all but 2 of the chicks and even lost 2 adult chickens. Then I spoke with my M-I-L to check on Grandma, and she is not doing well. She will be moved to a nursing home in the next day or so.
So what could I possibly find to be thankful for?
I took my two Envirothon teams to competition this weekend, and I was able to spend some time with an "aquaintance friend". You know, the kind you can have a lovely conversation with, but she doesn't know all of your troubles. It was so nice to talk to someone about nothing, and to have some time when I wasn't dwelling on the sadness and loss.
I finished reading Our Town while I was waiting on the kids to compete today. The overall theme is that this world is soooo temporary. That the eternal is what is important. That we need to slow down, forget our troubles, and really see the people in front of us. I needed to hear that.
So I am thankful for casual friends and timely morals.

Trying Hard

Yesterday was rough. We didn't feel like the job under the house was what we expected and then we came upon two more issues under there. So being thankful was hard. I think I ended up being thankful that it wasn't worse.
Today I take the kids to Envirothon. For this I am thankful, an opportunity for the kids to compete with other kids. Homeschooling has become so much easier and inclusive in the last ten years, and I am glad that this is when I came into it. I am thankful for those who came before me and prepared the way for home schooling to be a viable option in educating my children.

Minutiae?

Some days the thankful list is quite easy. The events of the day make it easy to see what big thing I am grateful for; today isn't one of those days. Today I am grateful for the tiny things in life. Thank you God for my health, the baby chicks that run all over chasing imaginary insects, my children snuggled on the couches while I read to them, and a husband who likes to kiss me even after 23 years. Thank you for a mother-in-law who takes care of her mother and tells me the funny stories of that responsibility. Thank you for the CPA friend who was finally able to come back to church this evening. Thank you for another friend who found a sympathy card for a dog who died and sent it to me. Thank you for helping us get the underside of our house fixed.
It might not have been a day that had a big event showing God's grace and benevolence, but it was a great day to remember how blessed I am. Thank you God.

Near Tears

I took the boys on a field trip today and had a wonderful time. It was a great field trip; the kind that ranks high and is enjoyed by child and adult alike. Afterward, several of us stopped at a restaurant to eat a late lunch. I turned my phone back on and almost immediately had a call from Hubby.
"I'm getting ready to order; can I call you back in a minute?"
"No! Emma is in the field and her tongue is out and she isn't well!"
The sweet goat was sick, and off to home I headed. I left the kids with friends so they could have lunch. On the way home I called Hubby to suggest baking soda and water, to tell him where the needles are in the fridge, whatever I could think of. I was nearly home when he called me back.
"She is dying. She is crying and twitching and having a hard time breathing," he quietly said. I could hear her panting in the background.
"I'll be there as soon as I can be."
"She's gone."
And just like that it was over. I don't know what happened, if she ate something bad, or was just sick, or it was just time, or maybe had a snake bite... I just don't know. But as fast as it started, it ended.
Life is so precious and so fragile. You call goodbye and head out the door never suspecting that this will be the last time you speak. I have no more to say; it is what it is.
So what is there to be thankful for? Friendships end, relationships change, death comes in many fashions. The gratitude is that I knew love before it was lost. It truly is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.

Myriad

I just asked #1 what he is thankful for. Doors. Strange child, that one.
Today I got papers graded at school, talked to good friends, and enjoyed being with all the kids. This evening I had a wonderful dinner of chili con queso, and then went for a walk with my Hubby. We saw a deer and stood and stared at each other for quite a while. A rabbit ran into the woods as we passed. The neighbor's dog played with us on the way. A frog was making odd croaking noises in the wheat field. The hawk was flying over and squealing. It was a beautiful evening and a great nature walk. Now I am sitting in the livingroom with all my men. What do I NOT have to be thankful for?
#2 says I can be thankful that dad isn't losin' chunks on that belch. Another strange one!

Sunday Afternoons

When we lived in TX last time, my husband was a campus minister. He worked a lot of late nights, since college kids seem to do things at night, but we could go to church together on Sunday mornings as a family. Then after church we would have lunch, put the kids in front of a video, and head to bed with the newspaper. We read the Sunday paper together and then took a nap. I loved my Sundays.
Now we are a preacher's family. We end up at church together, but we aren't really there together. My husband races all over beforehand to make sure things are ready and covered. Then he leaves me during the sermon. Afterward he meets with people and has meetings. I nap alone, look at the paper alone, basically spend time alone.
But we have a new tradition. Usually Hubby is home early enough to get a nap of his own, look at the paper, do a little more work, and then we have some free time around dinner. So he and I have been "dating" on Sunday afternoon/evenings. We go for a walk and then to dinner. It is a good chance to reconnect before the week begins in full-swing.
Sabbath rest is a gift from God, a command given for our blessing and benefit. Thank you God for rest.

Saturday

I went to breakfast with the ladies from church today. The topic, surprisingly, was thankfulness. So it seemed appropriate to our leader that we share from the journals we are keeping this month. The greatest example in my opinion was Asa's grandmother. In the midst of what is a horrible thing, she is finding much to be thankful for. Babies born with this condition do not live a week, and rarely past the first night. Not only is the little guy living, but he is thriving. It looks very likely that he will survive and do great. Praise be to God.
My gratitude to God today is that God is still active and alive to the people of His church. I love them, and I love Him.

Healed Heads

Today was the Annual History expo for the local homeschoolers. there is a big party atmosphere as the kids show what they learned this year in History and Geography. They make tri-fold boards and displays, dress up like characters, and share with all of us what they enjoyed doing this year. At the same time the SGA has a "Come to Life Museum". The high school students choose a character from history to portray. Then the little kids walk through the rooms and listen to the characters tell about themselves.
There is also a concession stand as a fundraiser for SGA. My boys helped with it today instead of acting out a character. At one point I heard #1 say, "He's bleeding really bad." A boy had been playing on the playground, waiting for the fire truck that was going to be there as part of the festivities, and sliced his head on the playground fence. The ambulance came to check on him, and I was reminded of a day two years ago.
It was April 11th, and my baby cracked his skull, lost consciousness, and scared me to death. Last year I remembered it for the entire month of April; flashbacks, panic attacks, night sweats, you name it. This year...I thought of it a few days before the 11th, but actually forgot about it on the actual day. Then today, the 13th, it came back as I watched a mother concerned about her son's head.
So today's thanksgiving is for time that heals all wounds, even head ones. The emotional wounds are just scars that occasionally itch, and the doctor says that the physical wounds are healed as well. Thank you, God.

Thankfulness

We have been needing to make some house repairs, but have been unsure about which repairs are absolutely necessary and which are most important. So for several months I have been praying that God would show me what decision to make. Finally I felt like it was to be "Under the House Repairs". I made the call to a guy who had been recommended last fall, and he came out Wednesday to look it over. Thursday I went to the bank to make a deposit. When I got home Hubby told me the amount of the repair- it was $100 less than what my deposit now made our account. God had supplied the money right when it was needed. And it wasn't regular money either; it was Easter money from our folks, winnings from a contest, and a late payment from a student.
So yesterday's thankfulness was God's faithfulness to communicate with me and to provide exactly what I need.
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I was quite busy yesterday and didn't get to post, so here is an extra thankfulness for you...
#1 volunteers at a radio station to read the local paper to the blind in the area. Yesterday was his turn and I dropped him off, expecting to come home and finish some of my chores before picking him up again. I was nearly home when he called to say I might as well come back; he couldn't contact the director, the paper had been stolen, and the reader that was to help didn't show up. Instead of bailing him out, I bought another paper and went to help him.
I was, at first, irritated that my schedule was being trifled with, but quite quickly found a blessing in it. I am VERY able to stop and read the paper any time my head takes a notion to, but so many people do not have that ability. Either they can't see, can't read, or can't afford it. What a blessing it was to be able to help those less fortunate to have an opportunity to hear the local news. Thank you God for everyday blessings that I don't even think about.
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And on that note, I would like to ask prayers for a special little baby born about a week ago. Asa was born without eyelids. The MRI shows that he does have eyes, so perhaps surgery is a possibility, though whether he has sight in the eyes is unknown at this time. Please pray that God will give Asa a chance to see this beautiful world that He made for us.

Do You Trust Me?

This morning when I woke up #1 for the day he stopped me to ask a question. "What did you talk about at your HOME meeting last night?"
"Well, I didn't speak at the meeting, but there was a police officer who talked about internet safety with us."
"What did he say?"
This was odd, for my boy to care about what happened at a homeschool meeting, but I told him about some of the scenarios the cop talked about, about not friending people you don't know, etc.
Later this morning he brought it up again. "Mom, what all did the police officer say at the meeting?"
"Well, if you will go get my purse I can read you the notes that I took."
So he did, and I did. Then...
"A. said that her mom told her the cop was giving something out to help parents spy on their kids."
Ahh. Here it was, the reason he was so curious. Yes, I explained, he did give us a cd, but I didn't see how it was any different than checking the history on the computer, which I already do, and he knows that. I had talked to his dad last night, and we both said we aren't concerned about the things that the cop talked about. We have good boys, and we trust them to do what is right. (Of course I check their history, too, just to keep them on the straight and narrow.)
That seemed to satisfy him. "Good. I didn't want to ask you about what the cop said, but you weren't saying what A. said, so I wondered if you didn't trust me. I don't think you should have internet if you can't trust your kids."
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Thank you God for good kids. Trustworthy kids. Kids that make me proud to be a mother. They are a blessing from you, Father. Amen.

Hey There, Chickie!

These little guys were hatching on our Easter table Sunday at lunch. I thought this was a cute way to make devilled eggs for the holiday. I don't decorate for holidays anymore, so I thought I could take a little extra pain with the eggs to throw in a little merriment. I think they turned out well. The eye is chopped olive and the beak is a piece of carrot sliver.

Today I worked on filling out the application for Conservation Teacher of the Year. Now I have a HUGE headache. It took all day. I hope I win so I can make a little money on that time I spent today!
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Today's thanksgiving is that I got to see my "extra" boys today. Not too much, since I was working on the computer all day, but it was nice to hear their voices in the house once again. God has always provided me with the children I so badly wanted. Thank you God.

Lonely

In the early morning, I enter each boy's room to give a gentle shake and whisper, "Time to wake up." Then I head back down the stairs to Kelly. She waits at the bottom, on the rug in the sunroom, and lifts her head to look up at me, "Good morning, KellyBelle."
Only it wasn't that way this morning. #2 was sleeping in the guest room, not wanting to be upstairs last night. #1 was nearly falling off his bed. And Kelly wasn't on the rug.
I made it through the school day fine, being away at co-op kept my mind off of her. But once we got back to the house it was lonely. I miss that friendly nuisance.
So today I thank God for a chance to be with other people, for good friends and distractions.

Goodbye Dear Dog

As you know, on my blog I name my children by number in order to protect us a bit. My dog, however, goes named, and often unkindly. She positions herself in doorways, and we trip. She wakens us when storms come at night, and we end up sleepless. She follows me around the house and disturbs my day.
But in the last year especially I have come to have a spiritual bond with this mongrel. I began to realize that she is to me as I am to God. She makes messes and expects me to clean them up. She looks for food and expects me to feed her. She sees me put on shoes, and she plans on walking beside me. She has shown me what I must become: completely and totally dependent on God for my safety, my sustenance, and my friendship.
Yesterday, my dog took a journey that I have yet to take with my Master. She willfully disobeyed and ran after a car. She was struck and killed. Though I miss her terribly, again I find myself learning from her. I must never disobey my Master or it could end so very badly. Spiritual death is so much worse than physical.
The boys were sad to lose their dog. We had her ten years. #2 was found sleeping on the couch this morning holding his Oo-Oo, the monkey he slept with as a small boy. #1 takes time to process things, so he will probably lose it mid-week. He did want to help bury her though. Hubby is sad to lose her as well, but I think I am the most torn up about it.
She was a pain and a nuisance, and she was greatly loved and cherished. I pray that my Master will think of me as fondly when I finally journey to Him.

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Today Hubby began a new sermon series, The Gospel According To... Today was according to Jesus. We were then given an assignment: For a month we are to write down daily what good thing the Lord has done for us that day. I am going to try to write my thanksgivings here on the blog.

Today, as we worshipped on Easter Sunday, my husband told the congregation that some days are great and others are not, but you must find something to thank God for. Then he went on to say that our dog died yesterday, and it was a bad day. The congregation made a collective, mournful, "oohhh..." upon hearing hte sad news. I felt very loved at that moment. Thank you God for a family of Believers.

Sick Day

I might be too mean of a Boss. My older son woke up yesterday feeling lousy. Actually, Monday he got up feeling poorly, definitely with a sore throat and then sneezing, but he went to school anyway. Tuesday, he had trouble getting up. So I let him skip History club, community service at the park, and the regular 4H meeting. However, I made him go to the other 4H meeting where he is a leader. I thought it would be good for him to realize sometimes you work through the pain. Evidently he already knew that...
Picked him up and headed out. "Did you sleep today?"
"No."
"You didn't take a nap?!"
"No, I had to get my school work done. All I have left is math."
"I left you at home so you could rest. I thought you would sleep between activities."
So he stayed home from Guys' Night Out. He was on the computer, and I asked if he would like some soup for dinner. The look of relief and gratitude made me ask what he had for lunch while I was gone. Long, confused look followed by, "I don't think I had lunch." Based on the dishes in the sink, I would agree with him. Then he says, "Can I please quit Math now? I only did half an hour, but my head is killing me."
Maybe I better hide my whip for a while!

Theater, or Why Am I Nice Guy?

This past weekend was the local children's theater play. They performed Jungle Book, a very male-dominated show. This seemed like the perfect opportunity for #1 to get a role in the play. He, however, thought this was a perfect time to learn how to be on the Tech Crew. Even after much cajolling, he would not give in to audition for a part. So he joined the tech crew.
He spent the last 6 Saturdays working all day at the theater building sets, painting, and learning important skills like drilling and attaching hinges. Given the illness that affected me in February and the long road to recovery in March, I actually was glad that he had been adamant about not auditioning.
But then, sad day, he was not chosen to help with the backstage part of the play. That is evidently what he had been hoping for. It was the reason that he so willingly did all of that manual labor, and then plltt, his dream was gone. This play only had a few, perhaps 7, props, so a large backstage crew was unnecessary.
I, however, had expected to be driving him to play practices and shows, so I went ahead and signed up to be on the make-up committee. That is my normal post, and I enjoy it. I like talking to all of the kids, transforming them into princesses, birds, lions, or monkeys while they sit transfixed looking in the mirror. I have been doing it so long, that I know my job, where to find supplies, how to quiet the children, etc.
But this time, I wasn't there out of required duties. I was an unwilling volunteer.
Well not really unwilling, I did want to help, but somehow I ended up giving more of myself than I planned. Friday night's performance was a half hour away when the lead make-up person asked who was planning to stay backstage and fix make-up during the show. There were a lot of wolves and monkeys in this show, and little kids tend to scratch their faces, thus smearing said wolves and monkeys into oblivion. No one volunteered.
Finally one woman, a grandmother of an actor!, offered to stay. I couldn't let that happen. So I offered to stay and take care of any incidences since I didn't have a kid in the play and I didn't have any family attending. Yes, I saved the day.
But I don't know if it counts. See, God loves a cheerful giver, even a giver of time, and I wasn't too happy about it to say the least. I wanted to see the play, to support the kids that I know and love, but I didn't want to have to go to Saturday's performance. I wanted to go do make-up on Saturday and then leave so that I could have most of the day to myself. The grumbling that was going on inside my brain would have put a volcano to shame. Thankfully no hot lava spewed forth to embarrass me.
I actually got to see most of the play on Friday night since the monkeys didn't go on until almost intermission, and I put in my time on Saturday and then headed home. Many people commented about what a nice person I am to help with make-up out of the goodness of my heart. How glad I am that the stage mirror is not a remnant from Snow White, for it certainly would have told the Ugly Truth.

Racism, Part 3

This is the last I have to say on the topic. Perhaps I can find something less controversial for my next post.
The most obvious form of prejudice in America is based on race. Blacks are probably the ones who have suffered the most because of prejudice, but they are not alone. The Irish were targeted in the Northeast because they were considered stupid and filthy, until the Kennedys proved otherwise. Jews have been victims of bias in many places and at many different times. Chinese descendants were forced to work as railroad laborers because no one else would do the dangerous work or give them a job doing something else. Japanese citizens were placed in interment camps because they "couldn't be trusted". Mexicans and Latin Americans have been denied jobs because of stereotypes and prejudice.
America isn't alone in this hateful behavior. The Brits and the Indians, the Aussies and Aborigines, the Croats and the Gypsies... and ever so many more have hated each other and fought all because of race. But let's not stop at race. What about Catholics and Protestants, Christians and Muslims or Muslims and Jews, Republicans and Democrats, Shiites and Sunnis, Men and Women? It seems that for as long as there have been humans, we have tried to outdo each other and prove that I am better than you.
So you know I have to turn to Scripture now, right? What does God have to say about how we should treat each other? Well, of course, He says to love one another. Treat your neighbor as yourself. If you do not do these things you can't possibly understand or know God. (1 John)
But what if you have done those things, and you are still suffereing under the burden of prejudice and stereotype? Again, turn to Scripture:
Titus 2 tells how each group of people should behave, older men, younger men, older women, younger women, and then it ends with this gem. "In everything set an example by doing what is good. In your teaching show integrity, seriousness and soundness of speech that cannot be condemned, so that those who oppose you may be ashamed because they have nothing bad to say about us." Titus 2:7-8
In other words, don't be a pawn in Satan's scheme to turn us against one another. Let us each make a commitment to turn the tide of racism by giving no one a reason to prolong their prejudice.

Racism, Part 2

Now that you have decided I really am stupid for even trying to comment on this topic, let me add a little fuel to the fire.
Trayvon Martin, a young boy walking around a neighborhood at night. Walking in a neighborhood that had been experiencing robberies. Many have said he was shot because he was black. At the very least he was targeted, profiled, because he was black.
I have heard several interviews with black professional people who say no matter what, if you are black, you know you are black. They teach their kids that they must look out for themselves because they will be stereotyped. It is very true that these young people will be stereotyped, and an instant perception will be made. I teach my WHITE sons the same thing.
If you wear a hoodie sweatshirt, low-riding, baggy jeans, and swagger when  you walk, people will think you are a punk. If you wear a sullen expression and talk in terse, short syllables, even mumbling or slurring your words, people will be suspicious of you. If you walk alone at night in neighborhoods that have experienced crime recently, you will be targeted and watched.
It has very little to do with race, and a whole lot to do with ATTITUDE.
Conclusions about you are made quickly and based on little information. Providing positive, character affirming behaviors and attitudes goes a long way to helping yourself stay safe. No matter what color you are.

Racism, Part 1

I live in the South. I was not raised in the South, though if you ask Northerners they will say I was, and Southerners will say I wasn't. No one really knows what to do with West Virginia. It is partly above and partly below the Mason Dixon Line, which is supposed to be the watermark to prove where you belong.
So it is from this mixed background that I now attempt to remark on a subject that some would say I have no business remarking on: racism.
For most of the country it was a topic revisited this week with the shooting of Trayvon Martin in Florida, but in my little town in East Carolina it is a topic that is weekly in the newspaper. I must admit that it has baffled me for many years now. In this part of the country, black people or African-Americans or people of color, have a loud public voice. They often comment that whatever is happening...Board of Education decisions, zoning, drug charges, police protection... decisions are made according to race. The general population, or at least the loudest population, believes that whites are out to get them, and all decisions are made in Whites' favor.
Because of this, our school system is still trying to meet desegregation requirements. Whenever the Board tries to reshuffle the kids, everyone goes up in arms. When they try to leave the kids in neighborhood schools everyone is upset that the "White Schools" are better. There seems to be no way to satisfy government requirements and the entire community.
Though I agree that at one time this was an issue in this part of the world, it is no longer. When the schools with a larger black population don't score well on tests, it is blamed on white schools getting better teachers. When black kids are bussed into the "good" schools, the test scores drop. One might look at that and say that race plays a part in intelligence. I don't see it that way. Economics is what is playing a part.
Like I said, I grew up in WV. You could run down the middle of the road for a week and still not run into a black person. BUT, you can go to a school where test scores are low, or you can move kids around and test scores will change at the good schools. What is the difference? Not race, but economics.
When you expect poor kids to score as well as rich kids, you are fooling yourself. Kids from privileged backgrounds have an unfair advantage. They have parents who are educated. They go to summer camps, museums, attend library programs, travel, take special extra-curricular classes, play instruments, and have much attention lavished upon them. They then have all of the experiences that help them achieve in life and on tests. This is true of black, white, green, and purple kids. Experiences equal achievement.
Of course there are exceptions to this. There are some kids who just don't have the mental capacity to achieve high marks, and there are some kids who, despite their backgrounds, will achieve high marks. But most definitely it has nothing to do with race.
So instead of the loud, useless conversation about which schools are better, the conversation needs to turn to discovering a way to help parents achieve so that their kids can too.

Midnight Showings

It seems in the last several years the "in" thing with movies has become the midnight showing. Last summer, I allowed #1 to go to a midnight showing with two friends to see Harry Potter. It was the last in the series, and #1 was 14 1/2 years old. I did not think he was old enough to go to a midnight show  unchaperoned, but since he was with two friends I allowed it. I took them, and then I slept in the van while they watched the movie. That way, I thought, if something happens, I am very close by, and they can come right out. It went well...and set a precedent.
So this past weekend The Hunger Games came out, and again there was a midnight showing. Many of #1's friends were going to attend, but he never asked me if he could go. #2 had been asked by some of the friends if he would like to go, but I told him he isn't old enough for a midnight movie. On Thursday, the day of the midnight show, #2 says to #1, "I hear there are still some tickets available at the Carmike." And that's when it started.
I suppose since I didn't say anything, #1 took it to mean that he would be allowed to go. When we got home, he asked his dad if he would pick him up from the show. Hubby looked at me and asked what was going on. Anyway, this went on for a long time, and I "lectured" #1 about taking risks. He didn't ask to go to the movie because he thought I would say no. Now he couldn't get a ticket to the show with his friends, and I didn't want him going alone at midnight. If he would have taken the risk, he might have gotten what he wanted, or he might not have, but at least he would know. Without taking the risk all he got was nothing.
His response? I got a bigger lecture by not asking than if I had asked! Maybe that will teach him!

Anyway, we ended up letting him go to the theater near us that still had tickets. He didn't get to go with a friend, so I don't think it was as fun as he had hoped, but at least he can face his friends with movie knowledge. His dad took him and then came home to sleep on the couch until 2:00 A.M. to go get him. I woke up at 1:45, so I went to get him instead and let Hubby go on to bed. There were lots of other parents picking up kids too. I think we need a new fad: 7PM showings.

Wash Day

Thursdays are "Wash Day" at my house. I wash all of the laundry, clean house, and wash the dog in the evening. This Thursday she got her bath a little early. I had mopped the hallway while Hubby was gone, and when he came home, he let the mutt in. She had gone for a walk with #1, but didn't stay with him. Her feet were covered in mud! She was lying on my newly mopped floor with her extremely muddy feet rubbing all over the hallway.
I put her out, but when #1 came back from his walk, in she came again. She knew she would get in trouble for it, so she hid in the diningroom. "Did you let the dog in when you came in?"
"Yeah."
"NOOO!!!" and out she went.
So I washed the sunroom/mudroom, and then stuck her in the tub out on the porch. As I washed her back and belly everything seemed normal, but when I lifted her feet to see if the mud had soaked off, it was still plastered to her. That was when I decided that it wasn't mud. I think it was concrete. Ugh.
I had heard a large truck earlier in the day, the sort of sound of a truck rolling off concrete... I didn't go over to the neighborhood to check if my suspicions were valid, but I am pretty sure someone is probably not happy over there. I will have to keep a closer eye on that dog.
I have unsuccessfully tried to get rid of her over the years, but the longer I have her, the more I think she is good for me. She is the constant reminder that I am a sinful sap myself, and I make people unhappy with me too. I am glad that God washes me over and over instead of letting me wallow in the sin of cement that clings to my feet.

And the Winner Is...

I took two teams to the Coastal Envirothon this week. This is my third year to coach a team, and we did well. It has been a nerve wracking couple of months for the middle school team, as two members left us and a third nearly did. You have to have three members to make a team, so I was very concerned for my #2. The two who are left with him are young, 11 years old, and inexperienced. #2 took over as team leader and led them to victory! They placed #1 in our region!! Besides that the registration that I took care of online back in JANUARY had not gone through and when we got there we weren't even registered! My nerves were shot.

 #1 had to participate since I am teaching this as part of Environmental Science for high school. You can see below how very excited he was about it. (lower left corner, yawning) This was my first year to have a high school team. The test was very hard, but they managed to place sixth, so they still get to go to the State Competition April 20-21.

 The actual competition day is not a whole lot of fun, but a few of the stations provide some hands-on activities. Above, there was a snake at the middle school Wildlife station, and below, there were some fish activities in the high school Aquatics division. It was nothing compared to what they have done all year in class, but at least it woke them up a bit.

So now we prepare for the next competition. #1 is singing with joy, and my writing is laden with sarcasm.

A Week in Review

Sometimes I dream about what it must be like to be a stay-at-home homeschool mom.The wonderful times you spend with your kids, molding their minds, sharing classic literature, creating works of art...it must be fantastic.
Monday:  Make sure something is in the crockpot before heading out the door, because the only question anyone in my house ever asks is what are we eating. It is the most important thing to learn evidently. Teach about 30 kids besides my own.
Tuesday: Don't worry about dinner today because it is Guy's Night Out. Head to History Club with extra work to do while we wait afterward. Go bowling with 4-H. Take the younger kid to the orthodontist. It still isn't time for him to get braces, about 3-5 more teeth to lose first. Back home to hand off the kids, and then head out to speak at the home school support meeting.

Wednesday: Dye my child's head blue. Yes, blue. Dinner was breakfast with pancakes and bacon. Also went to see the radiologist, who did a "smashing" job by the way. Everything seems to be fine since no one called me to come back yet. Made some changes to the Easter Skit, and met with the youth for the first read through and practice.
Thursday: LOTS of laundry. The bedding needed to be cleaned, so it was more laundry than usual, but what a wonderful day for the clothesline! Afternoon was spent going to the dump, stopping by a car dealership to see if we won anything in their contest, dropping off #1 at the radio station to read to the blind, and dropping #2 off at Give 2 the Troops to help our soldiers. What did I do in my free time? Grade other kids' papers of course! And I know you are wondering...ravioli with meat sauce, salad, zucchini, and garlic bread.
Friday: Finish the laundry that I couldn't get to yesterday. Grade more papers, make tests for my high schooler, and of course fix dinner. I'm thinking Pizza Delivery!

So does anyone know where I can find a stay-at-home homeschooling mom? I would like to meet one.

Chicken Lady

"Would you like a hundred chickens?"
I tell you, I get asked the strangest questions. I was speaking at the homeschool support meeting Tuesday evening, and afterward one of the ladies came up to ask me a question. I thought it would be about the topic, teaching writing, but no. She asked if I would ike a hundred chickens. What in the world?!
A friend of theirs has 100 chickens and wants to get rid of them. She is offering to give them away...free. So if you want a free chicken I can put you in touch with the right people!
Yesterday was quite warm here, and I turned off the heat lamp on my chicks. I FORGOT!!! So they went through the night without heat! I lost two of them; eight are left and seem to be fine. I thought I was losing three, but one perked up again once I got the heat on them. It just makes me sick to think of them out there freezing to death. It only got down to about 49 degrees, but for a chick that is just too cold. Sigh.

Good Morning Sunshine

It was sudden and vicious, this indignant angry burst. I could feel my hands clench and my blood pressure rise, but why was I so angry?
"They have to learn to be responsible sometime," my husband stated. "Are you going to call and wake them at college?"
"Fine, I won't ever wake them  up again!" I blurted.
It is a conversation we have had before, but I continue to wake my children in the mornings. This time I decided to figure out what exactly was making me angry. Then I realized...
When I go wake my boys in the morning, I walk into their rooms, sit on the bed, brush their hair away from their faces, and talk for a minute or two. It is a precious time for me. Mostly I am not allowed to touch #1 anymore; it embarrasses him. But at 7:30 in the morning, wrapped up in his comforter and smelling of sleep, he will be my sweet child once again, and I love it. Going into #2's room, I am often asked for a hug or a kiss, and I rub his legs or scratch his back. My little imp returns with some joke or comment, and I remember when their lives, and mine, were simpler.
I am not ready to give that up. A person can learn to wake to an alarm in just a few days, so I am not concerned about early college classes. When the time comes, I will give them an alarm clock lesson, but for now I will travel into a sweeter time and place.
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This morning I woke #2 with, "Good morning. It's Wednesday and you DON'T have to go to OM!" We are all very happy for that. He asked if he could have 15 minutes more of sleep to celebrate.
Odyssey of the Mind went well for our groups. #2's team and the elementary team won fourth place, the other middle school team placed third, and the high schoolers came in first! It was fun while it lasted, but we are all ready for the break.

Winterfest

 As I have said before, February was a terribly busy month. So you are just now getting some of the pictures. In mid-February I helped chaperone the youth at Winterfest in Gatlinburg, TN. This was my fourth year to go, and I really enjoy it. The kids are awesome, and the event itself is fabulous.

 This year the topic was Spiritual Disciplines, and they did a super job of using technology to bring it down to the kids' level. Above are some of the topics we covered over the short time that we were there.

 A good amount of time is spent visiting with each other as we wait in line. After our first year, we realized it is more fun if you take a friend. So ever since my boys have taken friends with them. Above is #1 and below is his weekend buddy. They are in some classes together, 4H, and other events. Both are preacher's kids, so I think they have a little in common there too.

 #2 is still my buddy a lot of the time. He did take a friend, pictured below, but he also spent some time with me on the sky lift. Not because I wanted to go on it, but because his friend backed out after the ticket was already purchased. The tickets are usually something like $15, so we never go, but because of President's Day weekend, the tickets were $1. So I rode along. Oh My Word!! In the last couple of years I have noticed that I can't go as high as I used to. Well it is official, I AM AFRAID OF HEIGHTS.

It was another good time. Of course we returned worn out and ready to sleep, but that never gets to happen. Now Spring Break is over, we are back in school, and there are only 8 weeks left of school. At least that seems to be a light at the end of my tunnel.

High Society

I was picking up sticks one day over Spring Break and out of the corner of my eye I saw the goats go running by. They were followed by the chickens. We hadn't mown the yard yet, and the grass was higher than in the pasture, so I thought the goats would enjoy running around a bit. Then I wondered, what must the neighbors think of these hillbilly bumpkins?
I do know that most people don't think farm animals should wander through your yard, but they are so wonderful to watch. The goats scamper and head butt each other, the chickens chase the returning butterflies, and the dog thinks she's the boss of them all.
So I was telling all of this to my husband while we were out on a date. Again I wondered with him if people think I don't know how to behave in high society. Then, while taking a spoonful of my soup, I splashed hot soup in my eye and about cried. I wear glasses!! How is that even possible!? Perhaps I'm not as high society as I think.

Honestly Officer

#1 is a driver now. He has been driving since February 28... as a permit holder anyway. I am in the car with him giving helpful advice, like "AAAHHHH!!!! What are you thinking?!"

 It was scary the first few days, but it is getting better. At first he couldn't keep it between the lines in the lane, but now he pretty much does. Also, he has no concept about slow down; he either goes or stops. Slow down just doesn't exist. And the last thing? He doesn't seem to be aware that anyone else is on the road besides himself. Look in the rearview mirror? Why? Side mirrors? Aw Shucks Ma, why would I do that?

But he is pretty proud of his picture. Just hope he doesn't have to ever show it.
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His dad hasn't driven with him yet. Maybe he will tell a different story.

Allergy Meds and Sleep

 Just over a week ago I got some new critters. A friend was driving over to a town to get some new chicks, and they had the kind I like, so I asked her to get a few for me. Ten is a few when you are speaking of chicks. Now, we have had a very mild winter, rarely even getting down to freezing at night, so I thought March would be fine for going ahead with the chick idea. Of course, just a couple days after they arrive, we have the coldest weather all winter, and I had to bring the chicks in at night.
I was having allergy problems last night, so I took an allergy pill partway through the night. Boy will that mess with your dreams. I dreamed that these little chicks were being taunted by "Tom", the cartoon cat, and I was so drugged I couldn't do anything but hiss at him as he slowly ate my chicks. I could hear the bones crunching. Ugh.

This is a panda preparing for an Odyssey of the Mind competition. It was supposed to be Spring Break for us here this week, but the teams had to do a lot of last minute prep and so the week was spent at practices. #2 and his dad got up at 5:30 this morning to get ready to leave. The competition is about 1 1/2 hours away.

 The kids have worked all school year on  getting this ready. Their problem was to make a skit that solves two problems and helps the community. They made up a skit about pandas being poisoned. I watched it last Wednesday, and I was rolling laughing. They were hilarious with what all they thought up. This is my poor panda in jail below. He uses his great-grandmother's tin cup to bang on the bars!

 They had to practice outside. The competition is at a school, so I hope it goes well. They should be used to dealing with a lot more distractions, like wind, sun, a cat that sprays, etc. Good luck Buddy!

Hubby is the one who took #2 to competition, but he is also there as a coach. He coached the high school team this year. Our high school son did not participate, so KUDOS to my Hubby for stepping out of his boundaries and helping the kids out.

Strange Dreams

I often dream strange things. Last week I dreamed that a bear was walking around in the subdivision I lived in. I showed the prints to a woman who was walking her dog. She became very upset and notified the community watch people. As I kept walking I ran into Martha, a fellow Envirothon coach. She was taking her team on a hike and had made fake prints for the kids to look for. I had to go tell the neighborhood patrol to relax; there was no bear. Envirothon Competition One is in less than two weeks. It's hard to tell what I will dream between now and then.
Night before last I was irritated with my in-laws because they chose to take some college kids to Hawaii instead of taking us or my brother-in-law's family. Instead we went to some pirate restaurant and had the special...hot cornflakes with red beans and milk poured over the top. It was as disgusting as it sounds.
At least last night went a little better. Leonardo DiCaprio was going to make me a cherry pie, but I started coughing and woke myself up, so I don't know how that turned out.
Mostly I just want a really restful night's sleep.

Validation

My boys and I are leading a new 4H club in the county. Actually, it was a club that started last year and fizzled, so we are taking over in hopes of reviving it. Today was our first meeting. I sort of led the meeting and an activity, and my boys helped the kids to manage themselves through it. Then they split the group up and each of my boys led a smaller group in an activity.
While they led the smaller groups, I met with some parents to answer questions, get paperwork, etc. One parent had lots of questions, but she didn't seem to believe my answers.
How much commitment will this be at home? None, unless your child shows over time that she wants to do some of it at home.
How much does it cost? Nothing.
So you will meet here once a month and I don't have to do anything else? Correct.
Why are you doing this when you don't have any kids in this school? Well, for the kids. And for my kids. And... because I believe in 4H.
She just stared at me. Stunned.
"You are a very generous person," she finally managed. Then she went to meet my boys and talked with them a few seconds. She came back and said, "You have done something good. I know as parents we often question ourselves, but I want to tell you, you have obviously done something right. Good job."
Music to my ears.

Who's Your Daddy?

I just watched part of a movie that was on tv. I don't know the name of it, but it was about an eleven-year-old black girl who was cruelly raped, beaten, and nearly killed. Her father shot the two men who did it. Of course they were white, and it took place in the South. A fair trial was impossible.
The final summation made by the defense attorney was to have you imagine what the girl went through, and then to imagine that she was white. I supppose that would help some people, but I would rather ask, what would you want your daddy to do if you were the little girl?
I would want to know he cared enough to risk it all in order to save me. I do not think it is right to kill others, in any situation, but I do think it is justified to have a sense of security, of value, and of importance. I would not ask my daddy to kill those horrible men, but I would somehow expect him to make some sort of effort that would lead to justice.
Perhaps I am wrong. Perhaps there are times when killing is justified. Perhaps there are times when there is no other way to bring about justice than by killing. Perhaps that is why my Daddy killed himself in order to save me.

For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only son; that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life. John 3:16

Suffering and Hope

The creation waits in eager expectation for the Sons of God to be revealed. For the creation was subjected to frustration, not by its own choice, but by the will of the one who subjected it, in hope that the creation itself will be liberated from its bondage to decay and be brought into the glorious freedom of the children of God. We know that the whole creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth, right up to the present time. Not only so, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait for our adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies. For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what he already has? But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently.    Romans 8:19-25

I volunteered at the domestic abuse shelter again last night. There was a young woman who, at least for that hour, was the epitomy of this verse. The product of an incestuous relationship, she was kicked out at 16 because she reminded her mother too much of her father. Homeless and helpless, she fended for herself as best she could. She met an older man and became his wife. After giving him children and years of her life, this man decided to begin abusing her. Fearing for her safety and that of her children and unborn child, she fled.
Certainly she has the right to be bitter. She was not.
She wants more out of life. She wants to be successful, to help others, to be the parent she never had. She has HOPE. I pray that she has the patience that it will take for her to accomplish this great feat. Please say a prayer for her now, and for all of the creation that groans and cries out to the Lord.

Muddy Water

I just finished the longest walk I have taken in about a month. My legs are shaking, and I really needed to sit down, but I feel better for the walk. Just need to build up my stamina again. The antibiotics are finished as of yesterday, so hopefully I can start feeling like my old self again soon.
A green haze is floating over the Ornamental Willow in the backyard. Daffodils have popped up all over the countryside. It has been a mild winter here, and spring has sprung a few weeks early. I let the goats out yesterday for a few hours to graze in the yard, and I just set them free again when I returned from my walk.
The dog walked with me this afternoon. She doesn't walk well with the boys, or even Hubby sometimes. She likes to follow me...at a great distance. Then when we get closer to home she passes me by and meets me on the porch. Today her feet were very muddy when I returned. I asked her about it, since I managed to get home without muddy feet. It seems she likes them that way.
Yesterday's bath didn't impress her I suppose, but then again, I tend to wander back into the mud myself when I have been gone from the tub a long time. Good habits take a long time to congeal.
So I keep praying, meditating, and reading Scripture, and God keeps dunking me in the tub of His Ways. Someday He is going to pour out that water and find it crystal clear, or at least only slightly muddy. At least I am realistic.

Dirty Dog

Because of my illness and hectic schedule the dog actually made it a month without a bath. Yes, I am blushing to admit that. HOWEVER, I did manage to take showers myself, so I suppose it could have been worse.
You couldn't look at her and tell that she was filthy. The dirt was deep in her hair and clung to her like grapes to a vine, but I knew she was disgusting. I knew that underneath all of that thick, winter coat was a dust bunny reproducing at an alarming rate. Partly I knew because of the funky smell that started emanating from her a week ago, but I also knew because she hadn't visited the bathtub in a long time.
I tried to give her a bath last week, but the tub I use had a hole in it and water was leaking all over the kitchen floor. It was too cold to stick her outside in the water, and so the bath had to wait.
Today I took the new tub outside and filled it with water using the garden hose. The dog was off on a walk and didn't notice the impending doom. When she and her boy came back home, she slunk into the kitchen where I was boiling some water to add to her tub. She saw the towels and the shampoo and cup, and she knew what was going to happen. Tail tucked, she tried to hide.
She quivered through the whole procedure. She wouldn't look at me. She even tried to jump out, something she hasn't tried in years with me. She was dirty and happy about it. The thing is...she wouldn't be happy if I let her filthy ways continue. Soon she would be eaten alive by fleas and ticks, and she wouldn't be allowed in the house with the rest of us.
As I poured out the gray-brown water from the tub, I thought about myself. Sometimes I stay away from my "shower" much too long. The dirt of the world clings to me, hiding beneath the coat of Christianity that I slip on each morning. But I don't fool my owner. He knows the dirt is under there, and he can smell me. He warms the water just a bit, grabs hold of me and dumps me in. I don't like the cleaning. I try not to look at him. But when it is over, He wraps me in a warm towel, dries me off, and welcomes me back into the house.

Exhaustion and Margin

I knew February was going to be a rough month. I could look at my calendar and imagine the hectic pace, stress, and lack of rest and quiet time. I could also see the spaces where I would be able to stop for a break and breathe, recover, and gain my sanity. My spaces were not large enough.
Some things happened that I didn't count on...unexpected visits from in-laws, a death at church, concerts and meetings that were not written in, and illness. I know the illness was brought on by a hurried schedule and stress from a personal situation. I even imagined when I looked at February's page in my little calendar what days I would be sick because of the pace. But needing to deal with heartache and what is right and wrong instead of what is easy and convenient, sent me over the cliff into illness oblivion.
Finally, after three weeks or more of start and stop traffic into good health, I decided I better go to the doctor. I thought it was strep. I usually drink Kefir to get rid of strep, and it works well, but it just wasn't cutting it this time. So I went for the big guns. The test came back negative for strep, but it was definitely bacterial, so the big guns were acquired. Finally I am starting to heal and regain some strength.
But the issue is not that I had a rough month. The issue is that I didn't have enough margin on my paper for my professor to write me some notes. When I grade the kids' papers, I write notes in the margin that will help to make it a better paper, or just to say that was a good point or word choice. When the kids first start in my writing classes, they leave no margin, no double spaced lines, and I have nowhere to write. That is how my February felt, like a too full paper and no room for God's comments.
There are times when we don't get to say how much margin is in our lives, like my February with incidences out of my control, but if every month is like that, then when the tough times pile up one after another, we have no way to handle them. God is so big that he can't fit into the tiny portion of a ten second prayer and save your sanity.
I know what you are thinking, I thought God can do anything, and yes, He can. But He won't allow Himself to just do anything, and if He knows that you are putting others before Him, He will let you work it out yourself. God is a jealous God. He wants all of me. And He deserves all of me.
So I am sorry to those who will feel neglected or disappointed by my absence, but God needs my focus right now. I need my God.

Trip

I took the Environmental Science kids and their families on a field trip to Raleigh this week. It was a three day, two night trip, and I AM EXHAUSTED! We played a lot of games to teach concepts, hiked lots of trails, and worked, worked, worked. Of course there was some free time, but mostly we were busy.
We got back late yesterday afternoon and had to prepare for a funeral. Two hours after getting home I was at the funeral home with my boys in tow. Today was a Ladies' Breakfast, the funeral, and tonight a concert for the boys. Hubby and I made a date to eat out, and now I am catching up on emails and stuff.
I knew a month ago that this two week section was going to be full, but some things were unaccounted for- like a funeral and a concert- so it is even more hectic than planned. Knowing that this time is just temporary helps a lot.
Of course the funeral has me thinking about that sort of thing. How nice it will be when I no longer have to run a harried race in order to get through the day's/week's/month's activities. How wonderful to think that "This World is Not My Home."